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28 September 2022

This England: Just desserts

This column – which, though named after a line in Shakespeare’s “Richard II”, refers to the whole of Britain – has run in the NS since 1934.

By New Statesman

A herring gull dived into a bin filled with jam and custard. The bird swooped on the container at a dessert manufacturer when the lid was briefly left open. The gull was hauled out in a net, then taken for a shampoo and blow-dry, and freed after a few days’ recovery.
Sunday Mirror (Amanda Welles)

Out to pasture

The opportunity to nod off while counting real sheep has been unveiled. The “Shleep Sanctuary” in Sussex is a dome boasting views of a field full of… sheep.

Mattress firm Emma Sleep has launched a contest offering two people the chance to try it when it opens next year.
Metro (Michael Meadowcroft)

[See also: This England: Supermarkets shushed]

Art attack

Middlesbrough shoppers were left bemused when CCTV speakers began making nonsense announcements.

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Emma Martinez was walking through the town centre when she started
to hear a voice. One broadcast started, “Good morning, good morning, good morning, and what a lovely day it is. Rise and shine,” before playing
jolly jingle music. Another, sounding like the voice of Boris Johnson, said: “We intend to unite and level up across the whole of our United Kingdom.”

Andrew Glover of Middlesbrough Council explained: “This is a temporary installation as part of Middlesbrough Art Weekender.”
South West News Service (Steve Morley)

A ton of bricks

Police are hunting a Lego thief stealing thousands of pounds’ worth of the toy bricks from supermarkets across Suffolk.
Sunday Mirror (Daragh Brady)

[See also: This England: Nature calls]

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This article appears in the 28 Sep 2022 issue of the New Statesman, The Truss Delusion