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7 September 2022

This England: Nature calls

This column – which, though named after a line in Shakespeare’s “Richard II”, refers to the whole of Britain – has run in the NS since 1934.

By New Statesman

In what might be an FA Cup first, a goalkeeper has been sent off for “urinating in a hedge” during a match. The keeper in question is Connor Maseko of Hampshire side Blackfield & Langley FC, who play in the ninth-tier Wessex League.

“He needed to go to the toilet so he went up against a hedge,” Blackfield & Langley FC co-manager Conor McCarthy said. “Sometimes when you have to go you have to go.”
BBC Sport (Christopher Rossi)

Reality check

Chef Sharon Patrick was excited to be told to expect a reward from energy firm E.ON for being a pre-pay customer – only to receive a cheque for 1p.

The mum-of-one, 47, from Rochester, said: “It was laughable and insulting at the same time. With energy bills going through the roof at the minute, sending someone a 1p cheque is a joke. It probably cost 80p to send in the post, so really, what was the point?”
Metro (Amanda Welles)

[See also: This England: You’re stuffed]

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Wanted: an oracle

A desperate bloke in need of a clairvoyant has splashed out on a giant billboard in Manchester – with no contact information.

The mystery man contacted signage company MandoeMedia and forked out for the advert to go live near a busy commuter route. It reads, “Psychic wanted. You know where to apply” – the client claiming a real medium “would know exactly when, where, and how to contact them”. Puzzled passers-by have been left scratching their heads.
Manchester Evening News (Mike Ireson)

[See also: This England: What the butler showed]

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This article appears in the 07 Sep 2022 issue of the New Statesman, Liz Truss Unchained

Select and enter your email address Your weekly guide to the best writing on ideas, politics, books and culture every Saturday. The best way to sign up for The Saturday Read is via saturdayread.substack.com The New Statesman's quick and essential guide to the news and politics of the day. The best way to sign up for Morning Call is via morningcall.substack.com Our Thursday ideas newsletter, delving into philosophy, criticism, and intellectual history. The best way to sign up for The Salvo is via thesalvo.substack.com Stay up to date with NS events, subscription offers & updates. Weekly analysis of the shift to a new economy from the New Statesman's Spotlight on Policy team.
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  • Facility / Grounds Management and Maintenance
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Visit our privacy Policy for more information about our services, how New Statesman Media Group may use, process and share your personal data, including information on your rights in respect of your personal data and how you can unsubscribe from future marketing communications.
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