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23 February 2022

This England: Absolutely binned

This column – which, though named after a line in Shakespeare’s “Richard II”, refers to the whole of Britain – has run in the NS since 1934.

By New Statesman

A holidaymaker who lost his false teeth while vomiting into a bin on a boozy night out in Benidorm was stunned when they turned up in the post 11 years on.

Paul Bishop, 63, said he “fell ill” after drinking cider during a night out in the Spanish party resort in 2011.

After Paul’s dentures were found in landfill, Spanish authorities used DNA records to eventually track him to his Greater Manchester home.

He said he was “stunned and gobsmacked” when he saw his long-lost gnashers.
BBC North West (Daragh Brady)

Can’t buy me love

A North Yorkshire restaurant has slammed a couple for allegedly making off without payment after enjoying a fancy steak and lobster dinner on Valentine’s Day.

The pair are said to have racked up a “hefty” bill, with managers issuing a warning on Facebook. An update was posted to say the people responsible had assured managers they would settle tomorrow “when he gets paid”.
Yorkshire Live (Steve Morley)

In for a snoutful

A friendly pig gave drinkers a shock after wandering into their local.

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The pig, thought to be called Roddy, made its way into Easington Colliery Club in County Durham. After approaching customers for a stroke, he was lured outside with cheese and onion crisps before someone arrived to claim him. “Everyone was laughing about it,” the bar’s stewardess said. “It was a bit of entertainment for a Tuesday night.”
Northern Echo (Anne Turner)

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This article appears in the 23 Feb 2022 issue of the New Statesman, Darkness Falls