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13 September 2023

This England: Not-so namaste

This column – which, though named after a line in Shakespeare’s “Richard II”, refers to the whole of Britain – has run in the NS since 1934.

By New Statesman

A yoga class was interrupted by police after members of the public saw several people lying on the floor and reported a “ritual mass murder” had taken place.

Five police cars descended on the North Sea Observatory in Chapel St Leonards, Lincolnshire. Yoga teacher Millie Laws said she thought reports of her being a “mass murderer” were a “joke at first”.

Lincolnshire Police confirmed everyone was safe and well, and the call was made with “good intentions”.
BBC East Yorkshire
(Richard Ellerker)

Gnome-body home

North Wales Police said it was aware of Christmas gnomes being left in people’s front gardens in the Broughton area of Flintshire. Officers said this was sometimes done to see whether the resident was at home – a practice known as a “calling card” for burglars.

“We would advise residents to be vigilant,” a spokesperson for North Wales Police said.
Sky News
(Steve Morley)

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Acting their age

Police were called to break up a row between a group of pensioners on a bus tour. The argument broke out in the dining room of Oban’s Columba Hotel during a four-day tour of the Argyll coast and Mull.

One shocked diner said: “It looked like an argument over who was sitting where at dinner time. We thought it was a joke at first.”

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Another added: “That was bad enough, but then the women started at each other too.”

Onlookers said the tour’s bus driver was forced to intervene to break up the fight, before police were called.
Sunday Post
(Ron Grant)

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[See also: Delivered from danger]

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This article appears in the 13 Sep 2023 issue of the New Statesman, The Revenge of the Trussites