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17 May 2023

This England: Uninvited gusts

This column – which, though named after a line in Shakespeare’s “Richard II”, refers to the whole of Britain – has run in the NS since 1934.

By New Statesman

A flatulent father of one has been branded a “neighbour from hell” after he put the wind up a man living next door – with his farting. Edward Riley, 44, was reported to police after he bombarded his next-door neighbour with months of abusive and disruptive behaviour – including breaking wind and burping loudly enough to be heard through the wall. At Stockport Magistrates Court, Riley received a 24-week suspended sentence.  
(Steve Morley)

Expensive sh*t

A company is selling tiny 1.5kg bags of compost for £20 a pop. The Land Gardeners says the packets contain “high-quality humified compost”. Its “specialist” ingredients come from Althorp Estate, the childhood home of Diana, Princess of Wales, and include cowpats, horse droppings and clay.
The Times
(Amanda Welles)

Free willy

A drawing of a “30-foot” phallus that was etched into the pristine lawn in front of Bath’s famous Royal Crescent in recent weeks lives on despite attempts to censor the image.

The enormous illustration was first spotted by locals on 4 May, lurking on the historic park’s lower section in front of one of Bath’s most visited architectural landmarks and filming locations. But a mere 24 hours later, the area was heavily mowed.

However, those keen to conceal the phallus have been thwarted in their efforts. The highly symmetrical image remains visible and, according to a resident, “has become a tourist attraction in its own right”.
Bristol Post
(Mark Ireson)

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This article appears in the 17 May 2023 issue of the New Statesman, The Left Power List