Support 100 years of independent journalism.

  1. Politics
  2. UK Politics
3 March 2021

This England: Get into jail free

This column – which, though named after a line in Shakespeare’s Richard II, refers to the whole of Britain – has run in the NS since 1934.

By New Statesman

A wanted man rang officers at Burgess Hill Police Station to give himself in because he was so fed up of spending time with the people he lived with, Inspector Darren Taylor said.

The man was wanted for recall to prison but handed himself in to get some “peace and quiet”. Taylor added: “[The man said] he would rather go back to prison than have to spend more time with the people he was living with.”

West Sussex County Times (Ruth Guthrie)

[See also: This England: Don’t get the small stuff]

Norfolk’s Next Top Model

A dog-walker called police after spotting what appeared to be a body stuck in a Norfolk hedge – but it turned out someone was pulling their leg.

Sign up for The New Statesman’s newsletters Tick the boxes of the newsletters you would like to receive. Quick and essential guide to domestic and global politics from the New Statesman's politics team. The New Statesman’s global affairs newsletter, every Monday and Friday. The best of the New Statesman, delivered to your inbox every weekday morning. The New Statesman’s weekly environment email on the politics, business and culture of the climate and nature crises - in your inbox every Thursday. A handy, three-minute glance at the week ahead in companies, markets, regulation and investment, landing in your inbox every Monday morning. Our weekly culture newsletter – from books and art to pop culture and memes – sent every Friday. A weekly round-up of some of the best articles featured in the most recent issue of the New Statesman, sent each Saturday. A newsletter showcasing the finest writing from the ideas section and the NS archive, covering political ideas, philosophy, criticism and intellectual history - sent every Wednesday. Sign up to receive information regarding NS events, subscription offers & product updates.

Once officers arrived at the scene, they soon discovered that what looked like the bottom half of a man kneeling in a hedge was, in fact, part of a mannequin. It had been dressed up in a pair of blue jeans and black trainers, and was realistic enough to concern the dog-walker.

Content from our partners
How do we secure the hybrid office?
How materials innovation can help achieve net zero and level-up the UK
Fantastic mental well-being strategies and where to find them

In a tongue-in-cheek Twitter post, King’s Lynn Police said: “No two days are ever the same in our job.”

Eastern Daily Press (Janet Mansfield)

[See also: This England: Men who Zoom with goats]

You’ve got to be kitten me

Fire crews were called to help save a cat stuck in a tree. An attempt had been made to retrieve the moggy after it became stranded ten metres up, but the cat’s owner was also left needing assistance.

The RSPCA’s Stephen Wickham said of the incident, which took place in Rochdale: “The owner had to be rescued…  and the cat managed to get down himself.”

Sunday Mirror (Amanda Welles)

[See also: This England: Flight of fancy]

Each printed entry receives a £5 book token. Entries to or on a postcard to This England.

This article appears in the 03 Mar 2021 issue of the New Statesman, Humanity vs the virus