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25 November 2020

This England: Best laid plans

This column – which, though named after a line in Shakespeare's Richard II, refers to the whole of Britain – has run in the NS since 1934.

By New Statesman

A dozy dormouse managed to squeeze inside a bird feeder for a feast – only to fall asleep and get stuck. The nocturnal creature had been “plumping up for hibernation” on seed mix when it was spotted. The Hampshire Dormouse Group advised the resident to ease it out and release it into a hedgerow. Catherine Hadler, from the group, “couldn’t quite believe” what the rotund rodent had got itself into.
BBC Hampshire (Catherine Dyer)

Those in glass coffins

Concrete Garden Ornaments: Snow White and Seven Dwarves, hand painted, very large, whole set weighs quarter tonne. Snow White three and a half foot tall, Dwarves two foot. Will deliver.
Ad in the Dundee Courier (Kathryn Black)

[see also: This England: Escape to the country

Test your eyes on these

The recent upheaval in Downing Street has dealt a blow to sellers of Dominic Cummings-branded underwear. A company called Twisted Twee produced Y-fronts and knickers with the beanie-wearing head of the PM’s former adviser printed across the gusset, the latest in a range that includes Boris Johnson, Theresa May and Donald Trump, but now the bottom has fallen out of the market. Suzi Warren, the owner, has cut the price in half to £10 in the hope of shifting her stock. 
The Times (Amanda Welles)

[see also: What Dominic Cummings’ departure has meant for Boris Johnson]

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Pigeon England

Twenty-four years: the amount of time it took a pigeon to return home after flying the nest in 1996.
Big Issue North (Michael Meadowcroft)

Each printed entry receives a £5 book token. Entries to comp@newstatesman.co.uk or on a postcard to This England.

This article appears in the 25 Nov 2020 issue of the New Statesman, The last days of Trump