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1 November 2016

Tory peer Michael Heseltine reveals he strangled his mother’s Alsatian

Man throttles dog.

By Media Mole

The former deputy prime minister and hammerhead-haired Tory grandee Michael Heseltine has opened up to Tatler about the time he strangled his Alsatian. And that’s not a posh euphemism.

In probably the most thrilling interview opener ever, he told the magazine why he felt compelled to throttle his mother’s beloved pet, Kim.

“I went to stroke him and he started biting me,” he said. “If you have a dog that turns, you just cannot risk it. So I took Kim’s collar – a sort of choker chain – and pulled it tight. Suddenly he went limp.

“I was devoted to Kim, but he’d obviously had some sort of mental breakdown. There was no choice.”

The grim anecdote comes just a week after he caused outrage by revealing in his book that he had culled over 300 grey squirrels in the gardens of his estate.

While your mole is quaking in its burrow at the thought of an animal-massacring Conservative politician with a new book to sell on the loose, it can’t help but find the Mail’s coverage of this story the most notable part:

You really have to applaud the commitment of the Mail to casual sexism. It has a story about a PEER OF THE REALM STRANGLING A HOUND WITH HIS BARE HANDS and yet still finds time to comment on a woman’s appearance in the FIRST PARAGRAPH. The first paragraph!

Well done, everyone, for behaving beautifully to type.

UPDATE, 14:46, 1/11/16

The Tatler journalist who interviewed Heseltine has highlighted that the dog died afterwards, and wasn’t strangled to death there and then:

UPDATE 2, 16:00, 1/11/16

Heseltine has confirmed to the BBC that he did not kill the dog with his bare hands, but weakened it by pulling on its collar until it went limp, and then put it down the next day.

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