Rejoice, for there is now a new Ukip leader, called Diane James. And, naturally, her predecessor and every xenophobe’s favourite frog in a suit Nigel Farage wanted to congratulate her. On stage at Ukip conference, as is customary. All normal. All fine. All very civilised.
But then something happened. Something happened to Farage. In the moment between leaning in for the embrace, and coming into contact with the flesh of a fellow human, the outgoing Ukip leader’s eyes flickered shut in ecstacy, his throat engorged like a leathery bagpipe, and he angled his lips somewhere towards the upper-righthand side of James’ neck.
James cringed, screwing her face into a series of wrinkles to act as a shield, hoping for the moment to pass. Hoping for her world – once so peaceful and free of the damp grasp of encircling bigots – to be quiet again. For everything to be nice. For her throat to be intact.
Related
Every muscle in this picture is contracted in cringe.
And your mole isn’t the only one who noticed:
‘So I was at the party & Ken from accounts got really drunk & tried kissing everyone! And he smelt of sausage rolls’ pic.twitter.com/jkMjb9ET81
— Rae Earl (@RaeEarl) September 16, 2016
— Scriblit (@Scriblit) September 16, 2016
— Ken Shabby (@MrKenShabby) September 16, 2016