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6 January 2016

Watch: Stephen Fry is in a terrible video to welcome foreigners at Heathrow

Welcome to Britain, where pompous men burble stereotypes at you with their eyebrows raised and laugh at restaurant staff.

By Media Mole

Is this the worst promotional video for Britain ever, or is it a clever government ploy via Heathrow to put off foreign incomers to the UK?

Your mole can’t quite tell, but the results are the same – visitors landing to enjoy a holiday in Britain being appalled by what they may have once thought was the wonderful British sense of humour being actually quite rubbish.

Here it is:

If you can’t watch it to the end, or even bring yourself to click play, here’s a summary:

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Stephen Fry decides out of the kindness of his heart and the ubiquity of his personal brand to do a film for Heathrow about Britishness.

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This involves all the cutting-edge observations about our modern, progressive, multicultural island that you’d expect. Queuing. Joking about queuing. Laughing cruelly at waitresses. Patronising foreigners. Mocking the Welsh. Bringing the Japanese into it for no reason. And the killer punchline: mentioning the weather (oh, stop it, Stephen, you’re killing me).

But the most chilling part is Fry’s opening line: “Very soon you’ll be free to enjoy the many things that make the UK such a great place to visit.”

Hear that, airport-flooding foreigners? He said visit. Not be. Or live. Or experience. Or get to know. No. Visit. Don’t outstay your welcome or jump your visa, otherwise you’ll be in the queue on the way out. Gettit?! Because we love queueing! And border control! Usually both!