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30 September 2015

Andy Burnham thanks Labour conference for imaginary standing ovation

Tempting fate.

By Media Mole

As your mole writes, Labour’s shadow home secretary and turncoat-in-chief Andy Burnham – a man who, it may surprise you to learn, is from the north – is giving his speech to the Labour conference. 

“Wow, what a welcome,” he began. “Not bad for a runner up.”

This struck some observers as a bit odd, because the welcome, frankly, was pretty bad for a runner up. Only a tiny minority of those in the hall had bothered to stand up to greet Burnham – few enough, in fact, that it wasn’t immediately obvious whether they were giving a standing ovation or trying to leave. 

This mystery was quickly cleared up by a quick look at the text of the speech issued by the party’s press office. Here’s how it begins:

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The “check against delivery” note has always been useful to Britain’s hard-working hacks. In this case, perhaps, a suggestion that Burnham checked the speech against the welcome he actually received may have been useful, too.

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Still. You can’t expect too much polish from someone from outside the Westminster Bubble, I suppose.