Early baldness is a growing curse for graduates of the posh Tory madrasa that is the Bullingdon Club. I’ve noted before that Dave Cameron’s elaborate coiffure is a tribute to the British hairdressing trade, but with my bird’s-eye view from the gallery I see his shiny pate spreading fast under those woven strands. George Osborne’s barnet is thinning, too. It is, however, hirsute Boris Johnson who stresses most over his locks. The Tory who converted ruffling a shaggy mop into a political weapon is fretting. A snout recounted how Bozo barked, “Don’t touch the hair!” at a tactile female admirer who likes nothing better than to greet the London mayor (platonically) with a rummage of the blond bouffant. The Tory troika worry they’ll look dated when the bald truth is exposed.
Best-laid plans and all that as Ukip officials tore down posters at Margate’s Winter Gardens ahead of their party conference. The adverts for a future attraction, the Circus of Horrors, drew unflattering comparisons. I hear the BBC-poacher-turned-Ukip-gamekeeper, Paul “Gobby” Lambert, shouts these days at photographers instead of yelling, “Will you resign?” at the likes of Nigel Farage. Members of the People’s Army mutter Harriet Yeo, the trade unionist and former Labour local councillor who now backs Ukip, is a diva. She declined a sarnie for lunch, despatching the amiable spinner Gawain Towler to find cockles and whelks. Yeo never had political mussel.
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