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7 September 2010updated 27 Sep 2015 2:14am

The scent of disappointment?

The Sun’s new perfume that smells like Coleen Rooney at an after-party is (ahem) not to be sniffed a

By Jason Stamper

In the clearest indicator yet that newspapers are having to branch out if they are to survive against the onslaught of free news on the web, the Sun newspaper has launched its own perfume, called Buzz. We know, we did a double-take when we read it, too.

“Buzz is the glamour of a film premiere, the rush of the red carpet, the fun of an after-party, the scent of bottled entertainment,” reads the spiel. Apparently the fragrance was created for the Sun by the “legendary perfumier” Roja Dove.

Somewhat incredibly, and presumably as some marketing collateral that was written before the latest allegations that Wayne Rooney has been playing away from home, the blurb continues:

Bringing together the fresh style of Sarah Jessica Parker, the intoxicating sass of Britney Spears and the girl-next-door charm of Coleen Rooney, Buzz continues what the Sun has always strived for: to bring the most exciting, exclusive access to the lives of today’s best-loved stars.

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The Sun‘s lawyers must have been over the text, and that’s as close as they dare come to putting those stars’ names on the perfume, not least because they are presumably being used without any kind of official endorsement, as those stars also have scents of their own to peddle.

SJP’s latest perfume, SJP NYC, is said to “bring fragrance and fashion together in a surprising new way”, as you can read for yourself at sarahjessicaparkerbeauty.com — surely one of the best examples of how to use Flash to excess to create an embarrassingly slow website. Try viewing that one on your iPad.

Coleen’s first fragrance, called simply Coleen, was a bestseller at Christmas 2007, shifting over 500,000 bottles and earning her over £2m in commission. Among the marketing used was a comment from a “source”: “Every schoolgirl who fancies the idea of bagging a millionaire footballer wants it. They don’t care what it smells like, it’s just the thought of entering Coleen’s world.” Now we know what “Juicy” Jenny Thompson dabs behind her ears.

Meanwhile Britney Spears’s Curious Eau de Parfum “personifies daring and piques the curiosity of young women everywhere. Curious by Britney Spears represents the young woman who pushes boundaries and revels in adventure.” Enough said.

So what would you get if you mixed fragrances from the three stars: SJP, Britney and Coleen? You’ll have to visit the perfume department at Harrods to get a sniff of the Sun’s Buzz for yourself — it’s a snip at £59 for 50ml. But I’m thinking top notes of pink dollar bills, a “heart” that smells of stale beer and a “base” of bitter disappointment. Yep, that’s the “scent of bottled entertainment”, right there.