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23 August 2019

11 very urgent questions I have about Taylor Swift’s new song London Boy

By Anna Leszkiewicz

Congratulations, British music fans. Today a new Taylor Swift album was released, and she is doing the LORD’S WORK of putting A LITTLE-KNOWN BRITISH TOWN CALLED LONDON on the MAP. Maybe it’s because she’s from Tennesse, but she loves London so. From high tea to, um, “stories from Uni”, this anglophile just can’t get enough of our lov-er-ly stuff.

Here are some of our favourite, inexplicable lyrics from her new song, “London Boy”.

I love my hometown as much as Motown, I love SoCal
And you know I love Springsteen, faded blue jeans, Tennessee whiskey

Taylor Swift is American?! Ok I knew that one.

You know I love a London boy
I enjoy walking Camden Market in the afternoon

Really? Has Taylor Swift has ever actually gone for a summer afternoon walk in Camden Market, elbowing Jack Skellington tees at every turn, being hit in the face by mini drones, and getting taken out by vaping 14-year-olds on skateboards in creepers, before realising that every single pub with a view of the canal is completely fucking rammed and you have to walk to Regent’s Park to find somewhere to have a half of cider? Can it really be “enjoyed”?

Took me back to Highgate, met all of his best mates

Does this paint the down-to-earth, true-to-his roots picture Taylor thinks it does? The jury is out on this one.

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And now I love high tea, stories from Uni, and the West End
You can find me in the pub, we are watching rugby with his school friends

Was this song based on those bits in The Parent Trap where the American Lindsay Lohan has to pretend she lives full time in London and tries to hide the fact that she’s gawping at Big Ben by saying things like “HELLO MILDRED! I’M HAVING A TIP TOP TIME IN THE LONDON FOG PLAYING RUGGER BUT DO EXCUSE ME IT’S TIME FOR HIGH TEA AND AN AGATHA CHRISTIE MATINEE”?

Show me a gray sky, a rainy cab ride
Babe, don’t threaten me with a good time
They say home is where the heart is
But God, I love the English

These are not MY London values.

You know I love a London boy
I enjoy nights in Brixton

Can you imagine it? Taylor Swift, sitting outside in the smoking area at Hootenanny’s wondering where her life went wrong? Taylor Swift, getting her wrist stamped for a swift 7pm cocktail at the world’s worst “rooftop bar” on top of Brixton Village? Taylor Swift, “clubbing” at DogStar? “Enjoying” it all?

Took me back to Highgate, met all of his best mates

Is it just me or is this London Boy starting to seem a bit….. Tory?

So please show me Hackney

I could show you a world……. shining…… shimmering…….. Hackney!

Doesn’t have to be Louis V up on Bond Street

Does Taylor know Hackney has an M&S Food now?? It’s called gentrification look it up!!!!!!!!!

You know I love a London boy, I enjoy walking Soho

Is the word “enjoy” starting to sound really weird to anyone else? Enjoy……… EnJOY……. ENJOY?!