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22 January 2025

This England: Too much dough

This column – which, though named after a line in Shakespeare’s “Richard II”, refers to the whole of Britain – has run in the New Statesman since 1934.

By New Statesman

A pizzeria is charging £100 for a standard Hawaiian to deter customers from choosing it. Francis Woolf, co-owner of Lupa Pizza in Norwich, said: “I absolutely loathe pineapple on a pizza.” The Hawaiian has long divided opinion, with 29 per cent of us said to view it as an abomination to have a pineapple topping on a pizza.
Norwich Evening News (Amanda Welles)

Dare-denim

A pensioner has fought off a mugger with a pair of jeans. Ron Croker, 84 was at the Coin-Op Laundrette in Maltby when a masked thug burst in demanding money. Ron grabbed his jeans and wrapped them around his hand. He pushed the assailant back towards the door – the robber escaped with nothing. He said afterwards: “I am still Ron Croker, I’m still me” after being recognised for the incident. A fundraiser is being set up for him.
BBC News (Adam Robertson)

Worried it might go offal

Former Communards star and budding crime author Reverend Richard Coles sparked alarm at a Hebridean airport after security mistook his black pudding for Semtex. Coles was flying home after a trip to the Isle of Lewis when he was stopped by airport staff. The 62-year-old had purchased the plastic-covered food item from Cross Stores & Butchers in Ness, but suspicious airport officials thought it was an explosive.
Aberdeen Press & Journal (Ron Grant)

[See also: Donald Trump’s empire of ego]

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This article appears in the 22 Jan 2025 issue of the New Statesman, Messiah Complex