Film 14 February 2017 Fictional Valentine’s Day gifts, ranked From Harry Potter to Bridget Jones, the worst to the best fictional Valentine’s Day gifts. Sign UpGet the New Statesman's Morning Call email. Sign-up The promise of “the best sex of your life”, Roy to Pam, The Office (US) An actual human heart, Angel to Drusilla, Buffy the Vampire Slayer Unspecified Blu-rays, Dan to Blair, Gossip Girl Chocolates spiked with love potion, Romilda Vane to Harry Potter, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (film) A necklace literally meant for the recipient’s daughter, Luke to Lorelai, Gilmore Girls A screening of a video of a woman giving birth, Chandler to Monica, Friends Heartbreak, Janice to Chandler, Friends “A piece of ridiculous and meaningless commercial exploitation — for my darling little frigid cow”, Daniel to Bridget, Bridget Jones’s Diary An IKEA table, Criss to Liz, 30 Rock “Roses are red / Violets are blue / Fuck you, whore”, Tom to Tom, 500 Days of Summer The sentiment that “today is a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap”, Joel to Joel, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Three animals transfigured into human men, Phoebe to Tessa, Andrea and Brooke, Charmed The sudden disappearance of several schoolgirls, Picnic at Hanging Rock A romantic abortion, Donna to Donna, Obvious Child A single shoe, Helga to Arnold, Hey Arnold! I Choo-Choo-Choose You Card, Lisa Simpson to Ralph Wiggum, The Simpsons A friendly handshake, Spongebob to Patrick, Spongebob Squarepants Giant teddy bear, Bob Vance (Vance Refridgeration) to Phyliss, The Office (US) Treasure hunt, Gabe to Erin (and Andy), The Office (US) Scavenger hunt, Leslie to Ben (and Andy and Ron), Parks and Recreation Forgotten teddy bear, Annie to Jonah, Sleepless in Seattle Let’s Bee Friends Card, Lisa Simpson to Ralph Wiggum, The Simpsons Cookies celebrating the February 14th birthday of Anna Howard Shaw, famed American suffragette, Liz to coworkers, 30 Rock “His eyes are as green as a fresh pickled toad” limerick, Ginny Weasley to Harry Potter, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (book) Bobblehead Dwight, Angela to Dwight, The Office (US) › A brief history of Donald Trump’s handshakes Anna Leszkiewicz is culture editor of the New Statesman. Subscribe For more great writing from our award-winning journalists subscribe for just £1 per month!