A Tegu lizard “that can run like a T-rex” is currently on the loose in Cumbria. Echo, who is 4ft long, escaped after managing to dig through her cage. The lizard’s owner, Siobhan Harkness, of Pet Encounter Cumbria, said Echo may whip strangers with her tail.
“I had to pop a meerkat to the vets because he’s got a poorly tooth. I was gone for 20 minutes and she dug a hole. I just don’t want anyone having a heart attack if she’s in their garden sunbathing and they think it’s a crocodile.”
Lancashire Post (Steve Morley)
[See also: This England: Get your ducks in a row]
Can’t fly the nest
A Christmas tree is still up in a town six months after festivities ended – because a wood pigeon made it its home. Councillors were told they can’t move the spruce in Beverley, East Yorkshire, as it’s illegal to disturb a wild bird’s nest when it is in use.
Metro (Daragh Brady)
A cheesemaker has been accused of “emasculating” Dorset’s Cerne Giant by censoring the naked figure’s famous appendage on its packaging. The Oxford Cheese Company has been slammed for featuring an image of the giant on its “Cerne Abbas Man vintage cheddar” – minus the figure’s oversized phallus.
Vic Irvine, the head brewer at Cerne Abbas Brewery, was left “apoplectic” after discovering the famous landmark had been castrated – and believes the giant has been “watered down” to spare the easily offended.
“He has been emasculated,” Irvine said. “I think [the cheese manufacturers] are terrible rotters.”
Dorset Echo (Catherine Dyer)
[See also: This England: Muscle man]
This article appears in the 21 Jun 2023 issue of the New Statesman, The AI wars