Support 100 years of independent journalism.

Wanted: a nanny for one deplorable president

With apologies to Disney and Mary Poppins.

By Nicky Woolf

If you want this choice position,
Have a cheery disposition
Rosy cheeks, no warts;
Never be a media source!

White House staff chiefs must be witty,
Never call the president petty
Keep his briefings short and sweet,
And ignore his morning tweets

Do not mention Robert Mueller
That just makes him even crueller,
Love him like your son or daughter,
Never let him near the launcher

No one wants this poisoned chalice,
Who’s in charge now at the palace?
The stakes are high and if you fail,
You are probably going to jail.

If you don’t scold and condescend him,
Your life will still be humiliating
He’ll brief the Times behind your back
Ignore all your advice,
Then fire you in a tweet.

Sign up for The New Statesman’s newsletters Tick the boxes of the newsletters you would like to receive. Quick and essential guide to domestic and global politics from the New Statesman's politics team. The New Statesman’s global affairs newsletter, every Monday and Friday. The best of the New Statesman, delivered to your inbox every weekday morning. A handy, three-minute glance at the week ahead in companies, markets, regulation and investment, landing in your inbox every Monday morning. Our weekly culture newsletter – from books and art to pop culture and memes – sent every Friday. A weekly round-up of some of the best articles featured in the most recent issue of the New Statesman, sent each Saturday. A weekly dig into the New Statesman’s archive of over 100 years of stellar and influential journalism, sent each Wednesday. Sign up to receive information regarding NS events, subscription offers & product updates.
I consent to New Statesman Media Group collecting my details provided via this form in accordance with the Privacy Policy

Hurry, Nanny!

Many thanks
Sincerely,
President Donald,
President Donald,
Trump