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2 March 2022

This England: Pet rescue

This column – which, though named after a line in Shakespeare’s “Richard II”, refers to the whole of Britain – has run in the NS since 1934.

By New Statesman

Pet rescue

A mountain rescue team came to the aid of a hamster whose owners took it on a rocky walk. Frappuccino was with a girl, 11, and her mother who got lost in the dark after walking in the Brecon Beacons. The Central Beacons Mountain Rescue said the family, “including their little furry companion”, were warmed up by rescuers.
Metro (Amanda Welles)

[See also: This England: Story of my life]

Take a hike

A foul-mouthed phantom who swears at passing walkers is being investigated by ghost-hunters. A “woman in white” has been seen at a beauty spot called Dead Woman’s Ditch, in the otherwise idyllic Quantock Hills, Somerset, with reports claiming that she has been telling visitors to “f *** off”.

The profane poltergeist was first reported two years ago. All then went quiet but now she has apparently returned with her anti-social outbursts. But not everyone in the area is convinced. Local resident Dean Morgan said: “It all sounds a bit Scooby-Doo to me.”
Daily Mirror (Daragh Brady)

[See also: This England: Attack of the clones]

All over the shop

Victoria sponge instead of sponge scourers, duck paste rather than duct tape and sausage rolls in place of toilet roll were among the stranger substitutions to turn up in shoppers’ online grocery orders. Which? found not all substitutions were bad, however, with one Asda shopper getting three £60 bottles of whisky to replace three £25 ones that were out of stock.
Yorkshire Post
(Michael Meadowcroft)

[See also: This England: Once in a blue moon]

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This article appears in the 02 Mar 2022 issue of the New Statesman, Hero of our Times