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20 April 2022

This England: Not a leg to stand on

This column – which, though named after a line in Shakespeare’s “Richard II”, refers to the whole of Britain – has run in the NS since 1934.

By New Statesman

A police officer took wooden posts from a shooting range and used them to build furniture for his garden, a misconduct hearing has heard, The former firearms officer, who used to work for Dorset Police, used the stakes to construct a table.

It is claimed that he removed four or five posts from the range’s stores without permission between July and August 2019.

The i (Linda Calvey)

Racking up a bill

A shop worker has gone viral after she shared a clip of a brazen swan entering the Co-op on Islay.

Popping in for a gander at the local products available in the Port Ellen shop, the swan waddled his way around to the counter area. The swan seems unaware of the panic among the workers, who barricaded themselves behind the till area.

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Posting the humorous clip on social media, Irene Gillies wrote: “You bump into everyone when you’re in the Co on Islay.”

Aberdeen Press & Journal (Ron Grant)

[See also: This England: Story of my life]

Lights, camera, Jesus

New CCTV cameras have been installed in a South Lakeland town. And they have already been put to use spotting a group causing a disturbance.

The town council’s vice-chairman Allan Muirhead said police were called to a group of men caught on camera causing anti-social behaviour. “No arrests were necessary,” he said. “As one of the group was dressed in costume as Jesus, it was probably just as well.”

The Westmorland Gazette (Mike and Lynne Gibbons)

[See also: This England: Flight of fancy]

Each printed entry receives a £5 book token. Entries to comp@newstatesman.co.uk or on a postcard to This England.

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This article appears in the 20 Apr 2022 issue of the New Statesman, Law and Disorder