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  1. Election 2024
24 December 2010

Loser: Danny Alexander

By New Statesman

The scene: 10 Downing Street, every week or so

Cameron: So, this new policy of ours is going to reeeally annoy everybody…
Osborne: You said it, Dave. So, when are you making the announcement?
Coulson: Dave doesn’t make the bad news announcements.
Osborne: Can I do an announcement?
Coulson: (cruelly imitating Osborne’s high-pitched public speaking voice) Can I do an announcement? Shut it!

Everybody looks at Clegg

Clegg: Well I’m not making it.
Cameron: (prodding Clegg in the chest) Yeah you are. Everybody already hates you.
Coulson: Right Clegg, thirty seconds to name who’ll do it, otherwise you’re the public face of nasty cuts.

Two seconds pass before Clegg gets out his Blackberry…

Clegg: Hi Danny, it’s Nick.

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