It’s an otherwise ordinary day. You’re just tucking in to this week’s New Statesman when there’s a knock at the door. It’s none other than Count Dracula: hairy hands, talons, fangs, the works. He has an interesting offer. Put down your New Statesman, run away with him, give up being human, and become a vampire.
There are many benefits to the role, he explains. You’ll have fantastic vision. You’ll be able to smell a bacon-and-blood sandwich a mile away. You’ll stay young forever. True, the coffin you’ll sleep in will be a bit scratchy and claustrophobic, you’ll need to avoid sunlight and you’ll develop an intense aversion to garlic, but the positives greatly outweigh the negatives. And don’t just take Dracula’s word for it – he can introduce you to a dozen of his vampire mates who’ll all testify to the benefits of joining the undead.
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