What do you do?
I’ve been in lockdown since bird flu hit.
Where do you live?
The farm.
Do you vote?
Yes. For Christmas! Get it? You know, some turkeys find that joke offensive.
How long have you been a subscriber?
Since my egg cracked.
What made you start?
I’m a bit red. I’m also a bit blue, but I don’t like the Spectator.
Is the NS bug in the family?
Probably. There are thousands of us in here.
What pages do you flick to first?
The cartoons.
How do you read yours?
On the wing.
What would you like to see more of in the NS?
Cocks.
Who are your favourite NS writers?
Andrew Marr Superstar.
Who would you put on the cover of the NS?
Paul McCartney or any famous vegetarian.
With which political figure would you least like to be stuck in a lift?
President Erdoğan. He wants to change “Turkey” to “Türkiye”. I mean!
All time favourite NS article?
Sophie McBain on psychiatry.
The New Statesman is…
a feast for the whole family.
As told to George Leigh
[See also: Subscriber of the week: Denis McCann]
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This article appears in the 07 Dec 2022 issue of the New Statesman, Christmas Special