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Everybody's unhappy with their position in Thursday's televised seven-way debate

(Except David Cameron, who's just pleased to have created this unholy mess.)

If you thought the concept of a seven-way political debate was confusing, you ain't seen nothing yet. The party leaders aren't satisfied with appearing on simply any old podium, but have demanded a prime location of their choosing. With Miliband and Farage hoping for a spot near Cameron, Clegg hoping to put as much distance as possible between himself and the Prime Minister, Miliband wanting to stay away from the ladies, and absolutely nobody happy stuck next to Farage, it all makes for a bit of a headache:

The order has now been revealed. From left to right: Bennett, Clegg, Farage, Miliband, Wood, Sturgeon and Cameron.

That mean's Clegg's about 50% happy, positioned pretty far from Cameron but next to Farage; Miliband's unhappy, placed next to Farage, but not next to Cameron; and Cameron's very happy indeed as he got his way with this enormous political orgy in the first place.

I'm a mole, innit.