Revealed! Blindness is the cause of Muslim immigration

Telegraph columnist claims immigration was high under Blunkett because “he couldn’t see what was hap

Melanie McDonagh, who once voiced her concerns over Somali mothers having too many children in west London, is back on the mean streets of Kensington -- this time worrying about "the influx of Palestinians, Iranians, Iraqis, Afghans, Pakistanis, Turks and Somalis to the capital".

"Mass immigration from the Muslim world", she says, has led to "alienation"; and elderly white people are "encountering" anti-Gaza blockade demonstrators just walking distance from Harrods.

It's chilling that this kind of thing could happen in such a nice (and expensive) part of town. One consolation is that "it's something the better-off residents of Kensington usually only see on anti-Israel demonstrations". In other parts of London, "it's society as it is now". Mercy.

I'm glad, though, that someone has finally said the unsayable: disability is at the heart of this immigration problem. The "one reason why much of the influx [of Muslims] took place when David Blunkett was home secretary is" -- of course -- "that he was blind; he couldn't actually see what was happening".

Ha ha. Blind people are funny because they can't see. Another gem from the Telegraph.

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Yo Zushi is a sub-editor of the New Statesman. His work as a musician is released by Eidola Records.

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“Trembling, shaking / Oh, my heart is aching”: the EU out campaign song will give you chills

But not in a good way.

You know the story. Some old guys with vague dreams of empire want Britain to leave the European Union. They’ve been kicking up such a big fuss over the past few years that the government is letting the public decide.

And what is it that sways a largely politically indifferent electorate? Strikes hope in their hearts for a mildly less bureaucratic yet dangerously human rights-free future? An anthem, of course!

Originally by Carly You’re so Vain Simon, this is the song the Leave.EU campaign (Nigel Farage’s chosen group) has chosen. It is performed by the singer Antonia Suñer, for whom freedom from the technofederalists couldn’t come any suñer.

Here are the lyrics, of which your mole has done a close reading. But essentially it’s just nature imagery with fascist undertones and some heartburn.

"Let the river run

"Let all the dreamers

"Wake the nation.

"Come, the new Jerusalem."

Don’t use a river metaphor in anything political, unless you actively want to evoke Enoch Powell. Also, Jerusalem? That’s a bit... strong, isn’t it? Heavy connotations of being a little bit too Englandy.

"Silver cities rise,

"The morning lights,

"The streets that meet them,

"And sirens call them on

"With a song."

Sirens and streets. Doesn’t sound like a wholly un-authoritarian view of the UK’s EU-free future to me.

"It’s asking for the taking,

"Trembling, shaking,

"Oh, my heart is aching."

A reference to the elderly nature of many of the UK’s eurosceptics, perhaps?

"We’re coming to the edge,

"Running on the water,

"Coming through the fog,

"Your sons and daughters."

I feel like this is something to do with the hosepipe ban.

"We the great and small,

"Stand on a star,

"And blaze a trail of desire,

"Through the dark’ning dawn."

Everyone will have to speak this kind of English in the new Jerusalem, m'lady, oft with shorten’d words which will leave you feeling cringéd.

"It’s asking for the taking.

"Come run with me now,

"The sky is the colour of blue,

"You’ve never even seen,

"In the eyes of your lover."

I think this means: no one has ever loved anyone with the same colour eyes as the EU flag.

I'm a mole, innit.