Steven Baxter

Patrolling the murkier waters of the mainstream media

A Level results and leaping Home Counties teenagers

It's a comforting newspaper staple, but surely all a bit old hat now?

By Steven Baxter Published 16 August 2012 11:52

Lovely A Level students jumping for joy. Yawn. Photograph: Getty Images

Across the country, photogenic blonde teenagers have been jumping into the air to celebrate their exam results, in a tale as old as time.

The less photogenic, less blonde teenagers have probably been getting results too (and possibly jumping) but who cares about them? They're grubby, and probably smoke and smell of colleges and readymeals, and some of them don't look like English Roses, so who gives a shit about them?

This year, the Sexy A-Levels tumblr has decided to call it a day. Its work is done, and the tropes are so well known now we can all recite them without a second thought. The mid-air suspension photo. The leaping girls. The "excitedly opening an evelope" photograph. The token boffin kid to try and convince you this isn't all about 18-year-old cheesecake.

We know it off by heart. It's one of those stories that is the same every time, dreaded by a swathe of journalists up and down the land. The same words, just in a slightly different order, but you could pretty much do it to a template: "students celebrated... blah de blah... results went up/down... blah de blah... someone from the government said... someone from somewhere else said... prodigy kid... someone who got a lot of A-levels..." and so on and so on.

It's comfortable, familiar, a nice old pair of slippers. It's like that day when temperatures are slightly warm and newspapers break out the graphics of a cartoon sun, wearing sunglasses, next to a thermometer showing the temperature in Fahrenheit and a picture of some random "beauties" on a beach somewhere.

One of the stories (if there is a story) to this year's results is that boys have caught up with girls, so naturally we're going to get loads of pictures of boys, right? Er, well, no. "Teenagers celebrate as they get A-level results" whooped the Mail Online, and it was a parody of what you'd imagine the Daily Mail to do.

There they were, the leaping Home Counties teenage girls, forever suspended in mid-air with a piece of paper and an envelope. No boys in sight, of course, ugh, who wants to see them? Or maybe it just so happened that every time a male walked into range of a camera lens, the shutter accidentally didn't go off. We can't say for certain.

It has just become a strange ritual, this yearly parade of young female flesh, a May Queen for the newspaper age. It doesn't tell us anything about exams, or education, or anything like that. Of course, those debates are being covered, and covered very well - see the Telegraph or Guardian's liveblogs. But elsewhere, the same tired old images dominate. It's a bit old hat.

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Tags: education

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9 comments

Sat, 2012-08-25 19:34 — hugh markey (not verified)

"UK' employers are more than a little nonplused. 'A' Level and 'GCSC' results are merely some kind of 'reality television' event. More social than academic in effect.
Some of our number who are senior(old) enough to have a kind of Renaissance background despite being expert in the field of IT disclose that in the past [ 20th Century ] dedicated IT specialists and others were regularly imported from Asia to make up for gaps in the UK's virtual reality domain and scientific areas.
They never came across a woman in this field. Considering the source of these IT imports etc this gender vacuum is of course far from surprising.
Naturally the USA has first call on any individual with a science based qualification but there is still plenty of talent to go round.
How will the UK workforce perform in this socially divisive nation if imported workers from Asia are excluded ?
Will the UK have to rely on highly qualified Eastern European internal immigration to thrive in this increasingly competitive world? The celeb oriented UK educational system will hardly turn out to be a cornucopia of graduate talent.
Many Tory MPs have graduate level qualifications and yet choose to work in the House of Commons. Are they lacking in c0mpetitive spirit or just in ability? Have they wasted their time at university and at school?
Yes, you tell us, Secretary of State!

Caucasian Bombshell

Sat, 2012-08-25 19:34 — hugh markey (not verified)

Caucasian Bombshell

Fri, 2012-08-17 19:07 — davelong (not verified)

Might be worth checking out the satirical Sexy A-levels, which has published an interesting statement as to 'why this blog must die'. Can't link to it - spam filter.

Among the reasons:

Is there such a thing as ‘glorifying through contempt’? Because there should be. And this is probably what that looks like.

In the 3 (4?) years we’ve been doing this, most media outlets remain unrepentant in their skeevy coverage. Worse, some of them have been being a little knowing and arch in their skeeviness. “Look! We’re being ironically appalling. Aren’t we adorable?”

Fri, 2012-08-17 08:15 — New statesman II (not verified)

Thanks to the raise in tuition fees, they could now include photos of the faces the young people make, when they are told how much debt they will have by the time they finish the uni course they've been dreaming of doing.

"I'm so happy with these results! I'm going to go to uni and go on to become doctor!......HOW MUCH!?!?" :-(

Thu, 2012-08-16 17:27 — Davidaslindsay (not verified)

One of the saddest conversations that I have ever had. The son of a local family well known to me, with a place at university and with that place confirmed today. But he won't be going. Fifty grand of debt? No, thanks.

Nor would I, from an impeccably middle-class background, have taken that deal. That would have been the biggest mistake of my life. But I could not possibly have known that at that age. If he had been born 12 days earlier, then he would have been all right, or at least better off. There really is no answer to that.

The best that can be said is that, as historically, an economic, social, cultural and political difference might be made by the re-emergence of that previously common phenomenon, a large body of people who would have gone to university, but who never did because their families could not possibly have afforded it.

Thu, 2012-08-16 15:21 — Mike Giggler (not verified)

I note that you still managed to accompany a piece complaining about news coverage accompanied by photos of fruity teenage girls with, er, a photo of fruity teenage girls. I know satire died a long time ago - so is this actually the pinnacle of postmodern criticism?

Thu, 2012-08-16 15:11 — Sciamachy

I note the BBC News didn't opt for the pretty young blondes this morning - their news article featured a group of dark-haired, heavy-set lasses with gnomish faces & nerdy wire-rimmed glasses.

Thu, 2012-08-16 14:57 — Sam Gisoad (not verified)

"The less photogenic, less blonde teenagers have probably been getting results too (and possibly jumping) but who cares about them? "

Eh? How do you imagine that conversation going? "Hello? Is that the headmaster? Excellent, I assume that your sixth form pupils have received their A level results, and we'd like to take some pictures of them. What? No, preferably the non-descript ones. You know, average-looking, a little on the plump side, that sort of thing. If they could only look vaguely pleased that would be marvellous."

Thu, 2012-08-16 12:25 — Soph (not verified)

Isnt it a ruse on the part of the schools too? Surely they contact journalists/photographers to promise them lots of pretty young things to take pictures of in the hope that the school details will be included beneath the photo and they will attract more glamorous pupils?