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The Second Sexism: don't judge a book by its press

David Benatar's book has valid comments to make about the position of men.

The Second Sexism: don't judge a book by its press
Photograph: LLUIS GENE/AFP/GettyImages

Anyone who has ever debated male-specific gender issues will probably have experienced an encounter like this:

Bloke: “Yeah, but men can also be victims of violence and injustice, why aren’t we talking about that too?”

Feminist: “Of course they can, and if you guys want to campaign on those issues, I’ll applaud you.”

In practice, it doesn’t always work out like that. This month, moral philosopher David Benatar published his book The Second Sexism to an excitable flurry of comment. Before discussing what Benatar says, let’s be quite clear about what he does not.

Despite what you’ve probably read in the Observer, the Guardian, the Independent or even here in the New Statesman, Benatar is not a Backlash merchant. He does not argue that men have a worse time than women; that feminism has gone too far; that men are now the oppressed sex; or that sexism against women does not exist. On the contrary, he repeatedly details the many forms of injustice faced by women across the world, and applauds efforts to address them. Indeed the clue is in the title: not “The New Sexism” or “The True Sexism” but “The Second Sexism.” Second, meaning in addition or secondary to the first sexism which is, of course, against women. Benatar does not blame feminism for anti-male discrimination, rightly noting that most such injustices long predate the women’s movement.

He certainly doesn’t suggest positive discrimination, instead devoting an entire chapter to arguing that such policies are unethical and ineffective as a response to any form of sexism. Perhaps the chapter title “Affirmative Action” may have confused any critics who only read as far as the contents page.  

Nor, BBC Online readers, is Benatar a champion of the Men’s Rights Movement. In the book he notes astutely that men’s groups can become “fora for self-pity and for ventilating hyperbolic views that are not checked or moderated by alternative opinions.”  

Benatar’s actual argument is that, in most societies, men and boys face several specific and serious forms of wrongful discrimination, and that these are not only injustices in their own right, but also contribute to discrimination against women. The issues he highlights include military conscription and combat exclusions; male circumcision; corporal punishment, victimisation in violence and sexual assault, and discrimination in family and relationship disputes.

I do not intend to list the various ways in which I think Benatar’s analysis is correct, incorrect or inadequate, although there are plenty of each. Instead I want to focus on how the feminist consensus has reacted to the release of his book. While it would be a stretch to describe it as a feminist work, there is much in The Second Sexism that should be music to the ears of the sisterhood. He largely rejects biological gender determinism; argues strongly against social conservatism, and makes clear that the value of challenging the second sexism includes the benefits to women. Here I might go further than Benatar, and make arguments from which he rather shies away.

Benatar details numerous ways in which society betrays relative indifference to and indulgence of violence towards men and boys. It begins in childhood, where both institutional and domestic corporal punishment and physical abuse are deployed much more commonly against boys. It continues into adulthood, through the traditional male role as wartime cannon fodder, through our greater willingness to imprison men than women – an expensive way of making bad people worse, and through social norms which decree that all forms of violence against men are more acceptable, less harmful, more worthy of laughter than equivalent forms of violence against women. If violence is thus normalised in men’s lives, could some knowledge of basic psychology not partly explain why men seem more likely to commit most forms of violence, including assaults on women?

Similarly, wouldn’t those who campaign against ritual FGM find their argument easier to make if society expressed unequivocal condemnation of ritual genital mutilation of any infant? Wouldn’t the battle for equality in domestic and professional fields be enhanced by challenging courts which decree that women are more natural carers, or that it is less harmful for a child to lose a father than a mother to custodial punishment?  Reciting that patriarchy hurts men too and these problems will be solved by more feminism won’t cut it. How can feminism address these problems if it barely acknowledges their existence?

Benatar’s book is mostly complimentary and complementary to feminist objectives. It’s disappointing, but not surprising, that it met a hostile response from the likes of Suzanne Moore and Julie “It’s bollocks” Bindel. There is often resistance from some feminists to the suggestion that male-specific gender issues even exist. I’ve written elsewhere about the overt hostility of some feminists to International Men’s Day. Male victims of domestic violence, and academics who research that issue, have faced angry and violent feminist attempts to silence them. 

This kneejerk defensiveness is not one of modern feminism’s more constructive traits. Perhaps it is understandable, given the constant drone of anti-feminism and misogyny that hums beneath much men’s activism, but that doesn’t make it right. Feminists are not obliged to agree with Benatar’s arguments, but it might help their cause to seriously engage with them. If, in de Beauvoir’s phrase, men and women are to “unequivocally affirm their brotherhood” then empathy and compassion must travel in two directions, not one.

186 comments

Damon's picture

@ AllF
"So come on - tell me, which examples of male disadvantage can you think of that have only emerged since the rise of feminism in the 60s and 70s? Any at all?"

Yes, Ally. The entrenchment, within society at large, of a corrosive, demeaning, vituperative anti-male rhetoric. The perception, largely unknown before the 70s, that anti-male sexist language is acceptable, normal, funny, mainstream.

And no, I'm not anti-feminist. And yes, I do recognise that misogyny is equally poisonous.

scott mclelland's picture

well of the top of my head the fact that in domestic violence laws they have the violence against women act the primary aggressor laws ( code for arrest the men ) the duluth model which is commonly used which is gender specific.

These laws came into play through feminist advocacy and they ignore approx 40% of all victims of domestic violence this is one of many examples of the flaws in society, when we have rushed to reddress the issues facing one gender its been done in a way with no checks and balances and it has left any victims without a voice.

Pmurphy's picture

Something here worth expending on, I now realise:

In response to a comment below about fathers in the past there's the comment; "Actually I think they were feared, as for the 'respect' - well, I think that's dodgy territory. I'd ask you what you mean by it. I'd say that before the 60s there was deference to fathers which was often undeserved."

There's a BBC online article, 'The Myth of the Tyrannical Dad' which came out in 2010 to promote the series 'A Century of Fatherhood'. It's a fantastic read, and I would encourage everyone to read it. Here's some excerpts:

"Fathers of yesteryear tend to be portrayed as cold, detached, even callous creatures. But, says Steve Humphries, the cuddly, hands-on, sentimental dads we know today are by no means a modern-day creation"

"The research of academic historian Dr Julie Marie Strange, of Manchester University, reveals how the temperance movement helped demonise and create a working class folk devil father that bore little resemblance to most, who only drank in moderation, worked hard and were devoted to their children. "

"If schoolteachers tried to cane children who were naughty, they would often find themselves confronted by angry fathers who strongly disapproved of any physical punishment of their children - especially their daughters. Social reformers often criticised working class fathers for being too spoiling and indulging their young ones."

"In Professor Joanna Bourke's study of 250 working class autobiographies written during the first decades of the century, she found that "for every one who said that father did not do childcare, 14 explicitly stated that he did."

Do take a look at the OP, it's a great read: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/8744135.stm

HenryMacGee's picture

So much to talk about here.

I laughed at Ally's example conversation. Very true. Years of talking to feminists about this sort of thing lead me to a sad conclusion: that they don't care about equality, and are certainly not interested in hearing much about inequalities men face.

As a last resort they might say "ok men are oppressed by the 'patriarchy' too". But it seems to be just a game. The unprovable waffle about the patriarchy can continue, the aim being to grab political power.

If you're playing politics I suppose doing so by any means available is normal, if not fair exactly. But who trusts politicians?

I just wish feminists would drop the pretence that they want equality. And drop the meaningless language.

Helen L's picture

You're so right. That's exactly why I commissioned a week-long series of pieces on men's issues....

Feministsmakethingsup's picture

@Helen L

Why did you decide to lead into this feature with the standard feminist condescension, derision and school girl antics?

Im going to ask the other question too.

Why do you say that the men's movement, is not capable of speaking for itself and that the women's movement should speak for men?

The Dude's picture

Man, the MRM is rife with racism, white nationalism, homophobia and social conservatism.

Don't presume to speak for all men or for me as a male. In the few months since I became aware of the MRM, you've successfully convinced me to steer clear.

andybob's picture

Absolute nonsense. I am one of many gay men who are active in the MRM. Our detractors love to demonize the MRM as a pack of straight white male bigots. This is just typical of the dishonest tactics that feminists use to silence us. It won't work. Some of the most eloquent and passionate advocates for men are women. Feminists have made many enemies and we will no longer be silenced.

Apart from a few points, this article is much more balanced than I expected. The shockingly misandric 'V Files' piece that opened this series led me to expect the worst.

The Dude's picture

Have you been to In Mala Fide?

I suggest you read thd articles on gay sex in Mass Effect as well as the one about gay marriage beinv of no benefit because gays are a minority.

andybob's picture

Gay marriage? Inviting the state into your relationship would be a mistake of epic stupidity. That's my view, you may disagree. That's what grown-ups do.

I would refer you to the number of recent articles at A Voice for Men that declare staunch support for the rights of gay men. Take note of the 100 plus comments on each thread that demonstrate some of the most perceptive and eloquent understanding of the gay male experience that I have ever read. Gay Rights Activists could take lessons.

The Spearhead has also focussed on gay rights issues recently with intelligent and supportive commentary. These are not echo chambers. Men should be free to exchange their views without the suffocating PC monitoring that stifles debate and inhibits the airing of home truths. That's how men operate. Be respectful and honest and you will can expect the same. Men can handle that, providing they're not feminists..

Try as you may, your attempt to misrepresent the MRM as extremist is doomed to failure. Feminists have made many enemies who will no longer remain silent.

MRA Watch's picture

It depends what you mean by extremist. As has been stated here repeatedly, RadFemHub hold very extreme views. Here is a thesis by a RadFemHub contributor which outlines her extremist position and attacks the feminist mainstream: http://radicalhub.com/tag/vliet-tiptree/

"We have given up the polite, diplomatic, politic, earnest, logical, legalistic approach in favor of Realpolitik. We accept revolutionary attitudes and emotions; rage and despair, unflinchingness, uncompromisingness as motivational and curative. We see that compassion, empathy, a willingness to work with men, is seized upon and perverted by the System ... we don’t make the mistake of wasting our energies trying to persuade men to do anything.

Our Emphasis on Fundamental Change. We have moved beyond palliation (negotiation, mediation, reform, compromise, engagement with the System) to exploring effective means of extirpating male pathology, including being open to biological explanations and treatment of such psychopathy"

This is, quite obviously, an extremist view (there are more shockingly extremist views in this piece - this excerpt is relevant as it explicitly self-identifies as extremist: not part of the mainstream).

Here are some MRAs discussing "Western women" being bred out of existence:

http://manboobz.com/2012/05/15/spearheader-lets-breed-those-stuck-up-whi...

Here's some more attacks on "Western women" from "Artists Against Misandry":

http://manboobz.com/2012/05/27/artisty-against-misandry-peddles-pure-hate/

Is this extremist?

And pay attention to what has been said: not the source is comes from. Refusing to acknowledge these linsk because they come from Manboobz is burying your head in the sand.

andybob's picture

The MRA was positing the entirely credible suggestion that western women have become so infested with man-hating, gynocentric entitlement that men would do well to avoid them - no sperm, no genetic future.

RadFemHub is advocating mass genocide, leaving the minimal percentage of men required to live in slave camps to fulfil the nasty jobs that overlordettes deem beneath them.

MRAs are merely suggesting the witholding money and sperm from western women until they can cut a better deal. Radfems are suggesting concentration camps, massacre and bloodshed. There is a vast gulf of difference between these two positions, as well you know.

MRAs would long to have an honest discussion with feminists, but we are always met with this kind of willful obfuscating of the issues. Men are talking back, and feminists can only respond with their usual grab bag of schoolgirl antics - lies, arrogance and snark. If that's all you've got, then I suggest that now would be a good time to panic. It won't hold back the changing tide for long.

Gay men like men, support men, identify as men, because we are men. More and more of us are supporting our straight brothers demanding to know why male pain is dismissed with the kind of ridicule so apparent in these articles. Do the men in your lives know how much you despise them? I hope that none of them ever need to rely on you for anything. May God have mercy on your sons.

MRA Watch's picture

Do you think it would be acceptable for an organization to describe all western gay men as being the same? As having the same straight-hating, phallocentric entitlement? As being contemptible?

Or do you accept that such generic hostility is what has caused untold suffering in the world, not least to your own community?

What would the community leaders around Stonewall in the 1960s think of your condemning an entire race of women?

There is not a shred of evidence that I "despise men" from anything that I wrote. That's because I love men as I love women: without prejudice.

However, you have supported the MRA thesis that "western women have become so infested with man-hating, gynocentric entitlement that men would do well to avoid them". So let me ask you:

Do the women in your lives know how much you despise them? I hope that none of them ever need to rely on you for anything. May God have mercy on your nieces, daughters, mother, aunts, female cousins et al.

MRA Watch's picture

Yet another proclamation of imminent MRA victory... The MRAs want to phase out "western women", and you support them? The difference is that RadFemHub, as they themselves identify, are the extreme lunatic fringe of a very large and varied political movement. The MRA extremism that I cited is the mainstream. And you support it. And you complain of not being taken seriously? Just what would an MRA "victory" look like?

andybob's picture

The one single MRA who made this comment did not want to phase out western women. He wanted to watch western women phase themselves out because it would be a better alternative than continuing to live under the kind of feminist governance that destroyed his life. His moniker is Walking in Hell and his story is becoming more and more typical of the brutality metered out by the Matrix.

Radical feminists are the vanguard of feminism. They occupy the engine room that creates the misandric society that men are resisting - a society that could only have manifested with the silent collusion of western women. Men have had enough and women are responding to our concerns with derision and contempt.

Victory for the MRM would be for the silent majority of western women to demand genuine equality with men. This can only happen if women are prepared to give up their protected and privileged existences and genuinely contribute to society. In other words, it will never happen.

The 'breeding western women out of existence' line is just another way of saying enjoy your sad, lonely lives with your cats, ladies because men have had enough. Withdrawing our permission to leech off us will be a disaster for women, but they have left men with no other choice.

MRA Watch's picture

Where to start...

Please describe the ways in which the US or Canada has a feminist government?

Women are not privileged or protected any more than men are privileged or protected. The bill of rights and constitution applies to men and women. Bodily integrity dictates that women have specific rights that allow them to determine whether or not they go full term with a pregnancy or not. This is a right that should be jealously guarded by anyone with an interest in human rights.

"Radical feminists are the vanguard of feminism. They occupy the engine room that creates the misandric society that men are resisting - a society that could only have manifested with the silent collusion of western women."

This is an interesting soundbite - but that's all it is. It has no basis in reality.

One comment you made is interesting, though:

"Withdrawing our permission to leech off us will be a disaster for women, but they have left men with no other choice."

When was this permission given to "women"? Who is withdrawing it? Why would men have a surplus of resources to allow women to "leech" from them? Which laws allow this? Which laws specifically allow women more monetary rights than men? Which clauses mention gender?

Hysterical hyperbole... That's all that it is.

Marracech's picture

"Women are not privileged or protected any more than men are privileged or protected"

This is complete and total nonsense.

Women receive less jail time than men, for the same crimes:
http://www.sagepub.com/upm-data/27008_4.pdf
page 24 is where the goodies are.

That is just one example, but there are dozens.

Here is another - men are subject to the draft if needed, women are not.

You really are living under a delusion and need to do more research.

MRA Watch's picture

Ah, the draft! That is the only example of state sponsored sexism (against men) that I believe still exists.

Disparity in judicial punishment varies widely. If you look at another of my posts you will see that I firmly believe that men's punishment should more closely resemble that which women receive: a degree of understanding coupled with punatitive measures.

But women ARE NOT protected by any specific laws, at all - save for the draft. But then the draft hasn't been used in close to 40 years.

witman's picture

So how exactly to you equate selective breeding based on personality type with the proposed gendercide of the RadFems? What is wrong with not wanting to breed with a contemptible person? Is that the same as the RadFems' version of slaying infants, men and women who do not agree with them? Do you have any MRA quotes about denying nurturing to female infants?

What exactly does an MRA WATCH victory look like? Perhaps it looks like a bunch of folks on an obscure forum circle jerking to imaginary outcomes and conversations?

I've seen it several times in the MANBOOBZ comments "I bet [So and So] would say/do this in response." This is just intellectual masturbation to which I assume you are a proud subscriber.

MRA Watch's picture

Of course, it's a "personality type" that MRAs alon recognize. The overwhelming majority of "western men", being borne by, related to and in a relationship with "western women" have no problem whatsoever with their alleged personality type described by MRAs.

The gendercide proposed by RadFemHub represents the despicible theorizing of a revolting group of extremists. The expose by avoiceformen was a good thing, in my opinion. However, using their words to damn an entire range of political philosophies, activisms and people is not only intellectually void, it is self defeating.

Describing an entire race or people as "contemptible" lays the groundwork for the type of hateful posturing found on RadFemHub.

I challenge MRAs to disassociate themselves from what was written on The Spearhead and Artists Against Misandry. If you don't, you are hypocrites who have no right to critizise RadFemHub - it is nothing more than selective outrage and a lack of empathy.

RadFemHub stand shamed in my opinion, damned by their own words. As does the wider MRM.

andybob's picture

Stop being disingenuous. Sit in on any Gender Studies (Women's Studies) lecture on any campus in the western world and you will hear nothing but the kind of vile man-hatred that you claim can only found on 'the fringe'. No dissenting opinions allowed or you'll be identified as a rape apologist and a threatening presence.

Pick up a Gender Studies textbook and read the "All men are rapists" quotes proudly displayed in bold print. Go and 'Walk a Mile in Her Shoes' or attend a 'Take Back the Night Rally". Why not don a white ribbon and take an oath promising to stop raping women? Radical feminists dreamt up these outrages and they are all visibly mainstream examples of their power and influence. They came in from the fringe long ago.

MRA Watch's picture

"Sit in on any Gender Studies (Women's Studies) lecture on any campus in the western world and you will hear nothing but the kind of vile man-hatred that you claim can only found on 'the fringe'. No dissenting opinions allowed or you'll be identified as a rape apologist and a threatening presence."

How do you know this? I have done so and never witnessed, or heard about, anything that you are referring to. The men on the course, of whom there were several, were warmly welcomed. A substantial number of student didn't identify as feminists - some as post-feminists, who believed that equality had been won, some were essentialists whose thoughts weren't too far from MRAs, in some respects. There were sceptical students on the course: all were treated fairly, all participated fully. The debate was lively but interesting. There was no man-hatred. Dissenting opinions were encouraged. I suggest that you aren't qualified to comment on this through lack of experience.

Any gender studies book containing "all men are rapists" will do so in the appropriate context. That is, it's a quote from a fictional character in a novel: "Critics accused Marilyn French of being anti-male, frequently citing a female character in The Women’s Room who declares, after her daughter has been raped: “All men are rapists, and that’s all they are."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marilyn_French#Political_Views_and_Works

I disagree with the White Ribbon campaign - I am not attacked for vocally doing so.

This "hysterical hyperbole" comes from, I believe, overexposure to the type of rabid anti-feminism that constitutes MRA theorizing. I will say it again - you have picked hte wrong enemy and laid the blame for things at the wrong door.

andybob's picture

"The men on the course, of whom there were several, were warmly welcomed."

They must have arrived in BMWs. Not a good time to parade the fact that they were man-hating harpies.

Women identify with whatever branch of feminism suits them at any given moment. Radical sista one moment, equity feminist the next. This shape-shifting is one of their party tricks. "I'm not one of those feminists says," sighed Sabina as she thrust her bosom at the Armarni-suited billionaire.

It's called Smorgasbord Feminism and feminists use it to confuse, dodge, deny and otherwise obfuscate scrutiny. It has obviously worked on you and you are not alone in falling for it. All of the women here know exactly what I'm talking about.

MRA Watch's picture

"They must have arrived in BMWs. Not a good time to parade the fact that they were man-hating harpies."

What do you mean by this? Don't hint, state what you mean. Otherwise it's just meaningless words.

"Women identify with whatever branch of feminism suits them at any given moment. Radical sista one moment, equity feminist the next. This shape-shifting is one of their party tricks. "I'm not one of those feminists says," sighed Sabina as she thrust her bosom at the Armarni-suited billionaire."

What do you mean by this? Don't hint, state what you mean. Otherwise it's just meaningless words.

"It's called Smorgasbord Feminism and feminists use it to confuse, dodge, deny and otherwise obfuscate scrutiny. It has obviously worked on you and you are not alone in falling for it. All of the women here know exactly what I'm talking about. "

It's ironic that you accuse "feminists" (by which you mean women) of confusing, dodging and denying to "obfuscate scrutiny" whilst at the same time refusing to actually state what you mean by your imaginary scenarios and MRA urban myths.

So I challenge you: say what you mean.

MRA Watch's picture

"They must have arrived in BMWs. Not a good time to parade the fact that they were man-hating harpies."

What do you mean by this? Don't hint, state what you mean. Otherwise it's just meaningless words.

"Women identify with whatever branch of feminism suits them at any given moment. Radical sista one moment, equity feminist the next. This shape-shifting is one of their party tricks. "I'm not one of those feminists says," sighed Sabina as she thrust her bosom at the Armarni-suited billionaire."

What do you mean by this? Don't hint, state what you mean. Otherwise it's just meaningless words.

"It's called Smorgasbord Feminism and feminists use it to confuse, dodge, deny and otherwise obfuscate scrutiny. It has obviously worked on you and you are not alone in falling for it. All of the women here know exactly what I'm talking about. "

It's ironic that you accuse "feminists" (by which you mean women) of confusing, dodging and denying to "obfuscate scrutiny" whilst at the same time refusing to actually state what you mean by your imaginary scenarios and MRA urban myths.

So I challenge you: say what you mean.

MRA Watch's picture

"They must have arrived in BMWs. Not a good time to parade the fact that they were man-hating harpies."

What do you mean by this? Don't hint, state what you mean. Otherwise it's just meaningless words.

"Women identify with whatever branch of feminism suits them at any given moment. Radical sista one moment, equity feminist the next. This shape-shifting is one of their party tricks. "I'm not one of those feminists says," sighed Sabina as she thrust her bosom at the Armarni-suited billionaire."

What do you mean by this? Don't hint, state what you mean. Otherwise it's just meaningless words.

"It's called Smorgasbord Feminism and feminists use it to confuse, dodge, deny and otherwise obfuscate scrutiny. It has obviously worked on you and you are not alone in falling for it. All of the women here know exactly what I'm talking about. "

It's ironic that you accuse "feminists" (by which you mean women) of confusing, dodging and denying to "obfuscate scrutiny" whilst at the same time refusing to actually state what you mean by your imaginary scenarios and MRA urban myths.

So I challenge you: say what you mean.

Feministsmakethingsup's picture

Why did you set the tone that you did by opening up with a smarmy, disrespectful and dishonest article dripping with the usual childish feminist derision for the male contingent of the gender debate?

HenryMacGee's picture

Well I might be moving to the position where I don't mind discussion of equality per se...as long as the fact that eg: it is men who go to war, or fathers in reality have fewer rights etc, is borne in mind in the many discussions.

I see too many pieces in the Guardian saying, for example, that 'unemployment in a feminist issue'...As though you can really have a discussion about unemployment without discussing men - when in fact many more men than women are unemployed in the UK and are still expected in many areas to be the breadwinner.

I can't see how that helps anybody or anything, talking as though one sex doesn't exist

Feministsmakethingsup's picture

@AllyF

Can you please demonstrate misogny at the most extreme ends of the mens movement, that is even approaching the widespread misandry of a mainstream women chat show, their studio audiences and Mommy bloggers and their comments sections and cheering and celebrating Catherine Kieu sexually torturing and mutilating her husband and disposing of his penis please?

If you cannot do this, will you do the honest thing and admit that you hold women and men to vastly different standards and retract your claims that the men's movement is somehow extreme.

Your perception of is us coloured by David Futrelles site anyway, and its his job to mislead people through yellow journalism and hold the mens movement and the womens movement to vastly different standards.

AllyF's picture

First of all, if Sharon Osbourne is a feminist I'm a banana. You simply can't get away with denying a connection between Spearhead or In Mala Fide (both of which are largely made up of discussion of MRM concerns and anti-feminism) and then pretend that Sharon Osbourne's chat show is somehow representative of the feminist movement.

Secondly, that incident was one of many I had in mind when I wrote the section above about violence against men being acceptable and even considered funny by mainstream society. I'd add that it is mainly men who make jokes about guys being raped in the showers in prison and various other forms of violence against men. The problem is not that feminism thinks VAM is trivial, the
problem is that society thinks VAM is trivial.

I don't hold men and women to different standards. I unequivocally condemn those attitudes whether coming from men or women, feminist, MRA or whatever.

VIR's picture

"if Sharon Osbourne is a feminist I'm a banana"

What a complete crock of shit. Are you even capable of the slightest modicum of intellectual honesty? Of course Sharon Osbourne is not a "feminist," nor was Lorena Bobbitt or Catherine Kieu Becker, nor are the vast majority of women who level false rape accusations at men. The word "feminist" has become increasingly meaningless, applied to anyone from Mary Daly to Angelina Jolie.

The reality, however, is that Lorena Bobbitt could not possibly have gotten off scott-free for her revolting, cowardly mutilation of her husband without the EAGER AND ACTIVAE PARTICIPATION of militant feminists who took up her cause, and successfully foisted the bogus "Duluth model" of male oppression/female victimization on all understanding of domestic violence. The Duluth model has always been utterly bogus. The real data shows something quite different: that men and women in abusive households tend to abuse each other and resort to physical violence against each other in about equal measure. And study after study has confirmed that there's just as much domestic violence between lesbian couples as between heterosexuals. The reason is that, as the great Erin Pizzey points out, this is a learned pattern of behaviour, learned in childhood, not the expression of male dominance or patriarchal domination. But feminists have enforced a wall of violence around this issue.

For you to pretend they haven't merely exposes you as an intellectual fraud and charlatan. You simply refuse to grapple with the real issues and real facts. Of course the vast majority of women who exploit feminist dogma to their own advantage are not feminists themselves, or theoretical thinkers of any kind. So what? It's still the case that it is radical feminist dogma that has encouraged them to act in such a foul manner, and to so often get away with it under the law. So your rebuttal is a red herring and meaningless.

Exactly when is the mainstream media going to tell the truth that women violently abuse men (or other women, in lesbian couples) at roughly equal rates that men abuse women? Or that numerous studies have demonstrated that the rate of false rape accusations is extremely high, perhaps as high as two-thirds of all reported rapes are FRAUDULENT? These are very real issues, and it ill behooves you to pretend they aren't important, and that the MRM is whining over nothing, or unfairly raking feminists over the coals.

"The problem is not that feminism thinks VAM is trivial, the problem is that society thinks VAM is trivial."

This is true, of course, but once again a red herring. It is the feminist lobby that has actively worked to bar any discussion of this issue from serious discussion in the mainstream media: they have successfully erased men's issues from the newspapers, movies, and television.

Are you even aware of what you are admitting? What you are really saying, but don't seem to grasp, is that mainstream feminism, which claims to be so progressive and revolutionary, really just reinforces age-old stereotypes - putting too much emphasis on women's "feelings" (i.e. their sensibility) and ignoring men's. In other words, it merely reinforces age-old sexual stereotypes - only it does so in a particularly vicious and venomous manner. In other words still: feminism in its current man-bashing incarnation would be an embarrassment to Mary Wollstonecraft if she could live to see what it has become. All modern victim feminism does is turn the age-old stereotypical male virtues into vices, and romanticizes "female" nature even more than in the past. The more things change, the more they stay the same - only in a particularly virulent, pathological, resentment-driven form. Welcome to the new boss, same as the old boss - except meaner and more paranoid.

Mark Neil's picture

"You simply can't get away with denying a connection between Spearhead or In Mala Fide "

And likewise you can't deny a feminist connection between radfemhub and the Simon Fraser women's center. Both sides have their bigots, as you well know. Both sides also have individuals dedicated to slandering the other. But of the two sides, feminism came first and made the CHOICE to deny men while claiming equality. They insisted on a monopoly on the gender discussion and ensured they had it through threats and violence, if need be (just ask Erin Pizzey and andy warhol, amongst many others). Do you really think it was the MRM that picked this fight? Had feminists actually concerned themselves about men's issues, as the claim to equality would require (not even saying a focus, but anything, seriously. ANYTHING), and there likely wouldn't even be a men's rights movement.

"The problem is not that feminism thinks VAM is trivial, the problem is that society thinks VAM is trivial."

The problem is feminism's outright excluded male victims and female perpetrators from the discussion, as your very article demonstrates clear as day (seriously, how can you now deny feminism hs played no part in the continued acceptance of VAM?). They maintained a stranglehold on gender discourse and silenced anyone who tried to raise concern for violence against men. This does not apply to all feminists, many have promoted male equality, such as Karen DeCrow (what ever did happen to her after NOW, and her revelations on male reproductive rights and shared parenting, so very VERY similar to what MRA's seek to this day, I wonder?), but those feminists tend to be in the minority and tend to get ejected if they get to vocal, such as the self proclaimed feminist, feminist proclaimed anti-feminist, Christina Hoff Sommers.

Feministsmakethingsup's picture

@ALLYF

You are alleging that the mens movement has extreme misogny.

Yet, you cannot demonstrate that it has misogny or extremism equal or greater than women's mainstream media, Mommy Bloggers and the feminist movement has extremism and misandry.

The only possibility here, is that you are treating men and women at vastly different standards.

Its no secret to us that feminists and society in general views women as a special group, that cannot be spoken about by men in the same way women are free to speak about men.

You might as well be honest here and admit that.

AllyF's picture

"You are alleging that the mens movement has extreme misogny."

I'm alleging that there are some examples of extreme misogyny, and many examples of mild, run of the mill misogyny, to be found within the broad community of men's rights forums, yes. As I said earlier, without going further back than the beginning of this week on just one site, I found people on AVFM using terms like 'bltch-slap' and 'wh0res' when talking about feminists and politicians. That's exhibit one. Exhibit two was your failure to recognise that these are examples of misogyny. I think that's QED myself.

---
"Yet, you cannot demonstrate that it has misogny or extremism equal or greater than women's mainstream media, Mommy Bloggers and the feminist movement has extremism and misandry."

As I said earlier, it would be immensely difficult to quantify and compare these. It would take a social scientist with considerable expertise in discourse analysis several years to design and conduct a serious study to try to prove it.

So all I have given you is my impression, having spent a lot of time reading both feminist and MRA sites. I'm not remotely dismissive of the charge of misandry against some feminists. Some are occasional offenders, some are regular offenders. Occasionally I'll read Radfem sites that literally make me recoil in horror. But they are few and far between and at the margins of the movement. I can almost guarantee that every time I visit almost any mainstream MRA site I will find something that I find repellantly misogynistic.

"The only possibility here, is that you are treating men and women at vastly different standards."

No, it's not the only possibility. It is a possibility, I'll admit, perhaps I am. Perhaps I am less sensitive to misandry than I am to misogyny. But you have to admit there is another possibility, which is that you are less sensitive to misogyny than you are to misandry. And at the moment, considering your position on terms like "wh0re" and "b1tch-slap" that's looking to me like the more likely explanation.

-----------
"Its no secret to us that feminists and society in general views women as a special group, that cannot be spoken about by men in the same way women are free to speak about men."

You might as well be honest here and admit that."

I pretty much do admit that - in fact it is a pretty major aspect to the article at the top of the page. The only difference is that I don't think the words "feminists and..." are necessary. It is society in general that views women differently (more special, if you like) to men.

If you think feminists are a key part of this equation, as you obviously do, I would ask you which forms of discrimination against men are recent inventions, since the growth of the women's movement? Surely if feminism is largely to blame, then before the mid-sixties:

Men's lives would have been considered more valuable than women's. Were they? Really?

Death and injury at work would have been unheard of for men before then. Really?

Men's health would have been the priority. Really?

Domestc violence against men would have been taken seriously. Really?

Circumcision of boys would have been unheard of. Really?

Men would have been considered more natural and better fathers and trusted with care of children. Were they? Really?

Of course not. None of the serious ways in which society discriminates against men are recent inventions. They all predate feminism by thousands of years.

Indeed, perhaps the best thing to be said for feminism, from a male perspective, is that it is only since gender theory began to permeate our culture that it became possible to talk about these things, far less take steps to address them.

So come on - tell me, which examples of male disadvantage can you think of that have only emerged since the rise of feminism in the 60s and 70s? Any at all?

Feministsmakethingsup's picture

@AllyF

"So come on - tell me, which examples of male disadvantage can you think of that have only emerged since the rise of feminism in the 60s and 70s? Any at all?"

Ok, I'll respond to your list.

"Men's lives would have been considered more valuable than women's. Were they? Really?"

The men's movement doesn't blame modern feminism for that, but correctly points out that its perpetuating it, for example your thinking that strong words against misandrist feminists are a problem "misogyny", while women's mainstream culture celebrates the mutilation of men, and the sites of the political clout of the feminist movement, talk about mass murdering men and male babies without a hint of irony.

"Death and injury at work would have been unheard of for men before then. Really?"

The men's movement doesn't blame modern feminism for that, let me guess, you were told the lie that it does by another feminist.

"Men's health would have been the priority. Really?"

Women's health, would not be prioritized, were it not for lobbying for disproportionate resources for one gender. The longevity gap began opening up in the 50/60s (ask for the study without sneering incredulously, if you would like to see it)

"Domestic violence against men would have been taken seriously. Really?"

Yes, feminists have been lying about DV being mainly gendered and suppressing the truth about it since it co-opted the DV movement in the 1970s and is running discriminatory services and dishonest public service announcements that incorrectly frame family abuse as male perpetrated.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erin_Pizzey

http://pubpages.unh.edu/~mas2/V74-gender-symmetry-with-gramham-Kevan-Met...

"Circumcision of boys would have been unheard of. Really?"

Ok, that's just an insult to all of our intelligence. However, it might well be illegal along with FGM and be getting attention in Africa along with FGM were and egalitarian approach taken as opposed to the lifeboats for women and female children only approach that feminism took to it.

"Men would have been considered more natural and better fathers and trusted with care of children. Were they? Really?"

The tender years doctrine is feminist is origin - Caroline Norton.
The hate propaganda that depicted men as abusers and a danger to children is modern feminist in origin. The resistance to shared parenting and fathers rights, is modern feminism.

"Of course not. None of the serious ways in which society discriminates against men are recent inventions. They all predate feminism by thousands of years."

The mens movement doesn't blame feminism for thing that it is not responsible for. That's just a lie that circulated by feminists, that other feminists readily believe on account of their opinions of men. Alos, most feminists today aren't aware that many female privileges that they call benevolent sexism and blame on patriarchy, are in actual fact the result of early feminist lobbying.

http://archive.org/details/fraudoffeminism00baxerich
http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/The_Legal_Subjection_of_Men

So anyway, we were talking about you putting women up on a pedestal and the fact that you are valuing men and women at vastly different standards and applying those standards to the mens movement.

The point is, of you are going to declare the men movement misogynist, and have credibility, the mens movement would have to be more misogynist than mainstream womens culture and feminism is misandrist, but you cannot demonstrate that it is. Given that the men movement advocate for women and men to held to the same standards, you could argue that its less misogynist than feminism, and the mainstream culture is too.

I suggest you leave off with complaining about the mens movement being misogynist, until or unless its at least on a par with feminism and mainstream women's culture, otherwise you are just putting women up on a pedestal, and framing men as beneath you.

I also suggest that if you are going to judge the mens movement, spend time in it, mens rights on reddit is a good place to start. Don't get your information from other feminists, because all you will get are lies, false accusations and mischaracterizations, and when you write about us and address us, don't use dismissive or condescending tones.

AllyF's picture

"I also suggest that if you are going to judge the mens movement, spend time in it, mens rights on reddit is a good place to start. Don't get your information from other feminists, because all you will get are lies, false accusations and mischaracterizations, and when you write about us and address us, don't use dismissive or condescending tones."

I've followed the development of the Men's Movement since the days of Robert Bly.

I started getting interested in the modern men's movement about four, five years ago, and for a little while I thought it might be for me. In case you missed it earlier, I'm male and I haven't identified as a feminist for a long time. I'm sympathetic to some feminists and feminisms, highly critical of others, and liked the idea of a progressive mens movement. Then I spent some time reading Rights of Man, Angry Harry and the other sites around at that time and had to pull away, partly because of the paranoia, misogyny and variety of repulsive attitudes that I couldn't escape. Partly because of the MRM's infuriating habit of blaming feminism for loads of stuff that is directly caused by economic power structures, and which have been for centuries. Nothing I've seen since persuades me that anything has changed.

So I'm sorry, but when you say "the men's movement doesn't blame feminism for these things" it is bollocks. I've seen it with my own eyes, again and again and again. The men's rights movement is obsessed with feminism, when it really should be obsessed with capitalism and social conservatism.

Feministsmakethingsup's picture

@AllF

The mens movement doesn't blame feminism for men doing the lower order and dangerous jobs and the disposable role of men. It brings it up in relating to wage gap, and in response to feminism's apex fallacy.

Its e'ffing infuriating being constantly treated like we are so mentally deficient that we would believe that feminism is responsible for things that predate feminism.

1000 and 1000s words typed here untangling the web of falsehoods, sexist double speech standards and insulting mischaracterizations.

Don't get your information about us from feminists, feminists are too prone to making false accusations.

If you think that when we talk about men being at the bottom as well as the top, and are critical of feminism for gendering anti-genital mutilation advocacy, that we are blaming feminism for men being at the bottom as well as the top and for the existence of genital mutilation, you don't understand the basics about us, so don't write about us. Don't insult me with your characterizations of me, and the other men in the movement, as being so utterly mentally challenged and ignorant, that they believe feminism is responsible for the division of labour and genital mutilation. You don't even stop to think "that's so ridiculous it can't really be what they think".

You're just far too disrespectful, insulting and dismissive on your side of the debate, and that's why the debate became so dysfunctional over the years - spitting in our faces and insulting us.

Feministsmakethingsup's picture

"So I'm sorry, but when you say "the men's movement doesn't blame feminism for these things" it is bollocks. I've seen it with my own eyes, again and again and again. The men's rights movement is obsessed with feminism, when it really should be obsessed with capitalism and social conservatism."

If you had done your homework, you would know that the mens movement is largely against social conservatism and traditional roles.

How would being obsessed with social conservatism stop feminism telling lies about abuse being gendered, running discriminatory abuse interventions instead of holistic science based interventions, and obstructing shared parenting and fathers rights?

How would being obsessed with social conservatism stop feminism advocating for resources and lifeboats for women only and state enforced chivalry with no upper limits on the strength of the female majority vote and politicians pandering to it?

How would being obsessed with social conservatism and capitalism stop LDF eroding the presumption of innocence for men accused of certain crimes?

How would being obsessed with social conservatism and capitalism stop feminist advocacy for girls is school only when the education gap gets wider and wider?

How would being obsessed with social conservatism and capitalism stop feminism framing men as the primary child abusers, when its really women that committing most of the child abuse?

How would being obsessed with social conservatism and capitalism stop the only feminists that actually have political power pushing for another Holocaust on their sites?

How would being obsessed with social conservatism and capitalism stop feminism preaching misandry through its lies and propaganda that its become normalized for women to celebrate the sexual mutilation of men by women?

" So I'm sorry, but when you say "the men's movement doesn't blame feminism for these things" it is bollocks."

Rubbish, you just don't know enough about the mens movement, you view it as so collectively mentally deficient that you are willing to believe that we think circumcision is a product of feminism. And you don't know enough about feminism to know when they say the presumption of maternal custody is the product of sexism and patriarchy and not feminist lobbying in the 1800s, that its a lie.

And what we were talking about is your framing the mens movement as overtly misogynist, when it is less misogynist than the mainstream womens media and feminism is misandrist, and so putting delicate women on a pedestal aka perpetuating what you call patriarchy.

MRA Watch's picture

"If you had done your homework, you would know that the mens movement is largely against social conservatism and traditional roles."

No, avoiceformen is against "social conservatism and traditional roles" - but veers totally off course by blaming feminists/women for their continuation, whilst simultaneously also blaming feminism for destroying families/the middle classes/the role of the father (a traditional role).

VIR's picture

"No, avoiceformen is against "social conservatism and traditional roles" - but veers totally off course by blaming feminists/women for their continuation, whilst simultaneously also blaming feminism for destroying families/the middle classes/the role of the father (a traditional role)."

No, there is no contradiction here - if you would stop and do a bit of thinking. The contradiction here is largely in your own mind. Ally Fogg comes perilously near to admitting as much - only he doesn't seem to realize what he has almost said.

In Mary Wollstonecraft's VINDICATION OF THE RIGHTS OF WOMEN, she talks about how important it is to come to terms with the traditional belief that women have an excess of "sensibility" in relation to men, but not enough capacity for "rational thought" (which is why there's no point in giving women the same educational opportunities as men). Of course, Wollstonecraft doesn't like this and argues against this traditional belief about what is the proper province of a woman versus the proper province of a man. It all comes down to the issue of "sensibility."

To quote from the Wikipedia's entry:

"In the 18th century, sensibility was a physical phenomenon that came to be attached to a specific set of moral beliefs. Physicians and anatomists believed that the more sensitive people's nerves, the more emotionally affected they would be by their surroundings. Since women were thought to have keener nerves than men, it was also believed that women were more emotional than men.[10] The emotional excess associated with sensibility also theoretically produced an ethic of compassion: those with sensibility could easily sympathize with people in pain. Thus historians have credited the discourse of sensibility and those who promoted it with the increased humanitarian efforts, such as the movement to abolish the slave trade.[11] But sensibility also paralyzed those who had too much of it; as scholar G. J. Barker-Benfield explains, "an innate refinement of nerves was also identifiable with greater suffering, with weakness, and a susceptibility to disorder"."

Now, obviously modern feminists would agree with Wollstonecraft about the importance of educating women, giving them access to all the same books and educational subjects as men. Who would seriously argue against that? However, the problem that's arisen is that mainstream victim feminists, who are now ubiquitous in society, and are given platforms in all the major media outlets as well as government, talk out of both sides of their mouth on every issue.

On the one hand, they insist that women can do all the same things a man can - but then, when a woman commits a crime, they're quick to support pseudo-scientific nonsense like the Battered Wife Syndrome - which, translated into Wollstonecraft's terminology, means they're REALLY saying - wait for it - women (the poor dears!) DO suffer from an excess of "sensibility" after all! On the one hand they blame and vilify men, on the other hand they're all too willing to resort to age-old stereotypes about the "sensibility" of women, that renders them unable to be held to certain standards of conduct that men are always expected to adhere to.

We know for a fact that men and women batter and abuse each other at about equal rates - yet there is no Battered Husband Syndrome - only a Battered Wife Syndrome which derives its influence in the courtroom PRECISELY from the fact that it resorts to age-old "traditional" beliefs about women - the very SAME beliefs Mary Wollstonecraft considered restricting, reductive, overly simplistic, and even at times pathological. ONLY a resort to reductive "traditionalism" and sexual stereotyping could have led so many self-proclaimed feminists to support and defend the loathsome likes of the psychopathic Lorena Bobbitt or Mrs. Ahluwalia who cold-blooded plotted her husband's murder by researching how to create a napalm-like substance, waited till he was asleep, then doused him with the substance and lit him on fire. He burned to death in total agony, the woman resorted to the Battered Wife ploy, and got off with only a couple years behind bars. Then Cherie Blair gave her a medal - for bravery! For exposing the "truth" about domestic violence and "fighting back"! Can you imagine any man being lauded as a hero for deliberately burning his wife to death, gloating over it, justifying it? Even though the stats are CLEAR: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS A TWO-WAY STREET.

In other words, victim feminists are hypocrites: they DO resort to perpetuating "traditional" beliefs about the sexes WHEN IT ADVANTAGES WOMEN - it's only when "traditional" beliefs DISADVANTAGE women that they cry foul. They are wildly inconsistent in the beliefs they espouse.

So, no, there is no inaccuracy in claiming that modern feminists often tend to perpetrate "social conservatism" - for that's EXACTLY what they do! Only they do it selectively, whenever such a strategy would work to their advantage. And the proof of this is that much of what they claim is essential to the nature of Man in contrast to the nature of Woman would've been anathema to a genuinely worthy thinker and writer like Mary Wollstonecraft, whose brand of feminism, 200 years ago, made a great deal of sense, but which has little in common with the poisonously anti-male and wholly irrational brand of feminism peddled throughout the mainstream media and governments today.

Feministsmakethingsup's picture

Ok go away you lying clown, stop pretending that you know what you're talking about you are only here to gender war and libel and lie.

You have turned to comments section into a mess with your constant lying and false accusations and mischaracterizations.

The only useful thing you are doing, is showing the other readers how dishonest, disregardful, disrespectful and bigoted feminists tend to be and why the gender debate became so heated in the first place

MRA Watch's picture

If you look at my comments you will see that I have applauded some instances of activism that helps men. I have also noted that men do indeed have an entire range of issues that need sorted out.

Where you and I differ is that you believe the current MRM helps - I don't.

The Spearhead is a traditionalist site - avoiceformen isn't.

avoiceformen, like many feminisms, urges people to critically reflect on society's demands of them as a man or a woman and to reject harmful stereotypes. This is one aspect of the MRM, avoiceformen in particular, that I could easily support - but it is done from an intensely anti-feminist stance - and that stance isn't based in realism.

As for my tone - I accept that I have been quick to give, and perhaps take, offense.

girlwriteswhat's picture

Perhaps the reason AVFM (and I) approach gender issues from an intensely anti-feminist stance because there is nothing progressive about feminism. It is, in fact, ultra-conservative, and more paternalistic than "patriarchy" was.

For instance, one newspaper article written in the early 1900s lamented the fact that it was next to impossible to get a female murderer convicted. If I recall correctly, something like 40 women had been put on trial in Chicago, and not a single one had been convicted. Quotes from one of these women brazenly stated, "Give me an all-male jury any day of the week" or something like that.

The chivalry of all-male juries toward female defendants was based in the prevailing cultural perception of women as harmless, emotionally inferior (cupcake here could never have committed such an act! I mean, look at her crying so prettily), intellectually inferior (there isn't enough room in her little head for such big, dastardly badness), and too frail to survive fair punishment (but if we locked her up, she'd never survive, the poor dear). It was also steeped in the view of women as objects who are acted upon, rather than agents who act upon others.

Feminism provides a different sort of chivalry--one that comes at very little cost for women. While there were negative consequences for women to the view that women were intellectually/emotionally inferior, there is absolutely NO cost to women in the notion that women are morally superior (the pervasive view now), nor to the idea that they are "disadvantaged"--which was the reasoning of one feminist judge in the UK who mandated more lenient sentencing for female offenders (yes, a formal sentencing discount on top of the informal one). After all, if women are disadvantaged, they can still be seen to be in an inferior position (therefore in need of help and protection), without having to deal with the consequences of having that inferiority attributed to something in them. Women are wonderful and awesome and superior in all ways, but society still treats them as inferior, you see, which disadvantages them, which means that...well, which means that all of the benefits of chivalry can be theirs in the area of criminal law, without the negative views of femaleness that used to accompany it.

To my eye, feminism has been about shifting the culture's view of women as *needing* society's provision, protection, help and support, to one where women are *deserving of* society's provision, protection, help and support. To perpetuate the sexist views that are of benefit to women, while removing any and all corresponding cost. And one of the main drivers of feminist advocacy seems to be in maintaining a zero-accountability policy for women in all areas where accountability would be experienced negatively (protecting women from accountability, while also protecting them from any limits on their freedom, their success, their choices, their behavior, or their ability to acquire social/political status).

The pervasive view of the culture has flip-flopped from one of innate female inferiority (when that benefitted more women than it harmed), to one of innate female superiority--women are smarter, women are more in touch with their emotions, women are morally superior, women are nicer, women are more mature and capable, more organized, better at multitasking, blah blah blah).

What we have now is a cultural attitude that when a woman fails, she failed because of discrimination (we protect her from negative accountability), and when she succeeds--even if it's due to a gender quota or women-only funding--we make a grand show of pretending it was by her own merit and effort (protecting her from not being respected, which is a function of positive accountability). The inverse is true for our current view of men: if he succeeds, we assume it was due to male privilege (denying him the respect of positive accountability), while if he fails, we are to assume he failed on his lack of merit and effort (enforcing negative accountability).

I see these undercurrents in a TON of feminist writing.

These are fairly recent shifts in cultural attitudes (and we have legislation and public policies that dovetail neatly with them), and can absolutely be ascribed to feminist thought, theory and advocacy, which began with the redefining of obligations men had (military service, income generation, self-sufficiency) into *rights* women should have to exercise or not as it benefitted them.

In this way, I think the old-school conservative protectionism of women is only amplified and expanded through feminism--which is why I believe it is a form of ultra-conservativism that limits women's progress in society.

Feministsmakethingsup's picture

Go away, you are just the feminist version of the idiots on MGTOW that think Dworkin represents all feminists that your only source on the men's movement likes to quote and pretend represents the whole mens movement. You don't know what you're talking about and you don't care, all you want to do is sling mud.

You guys need to stay out of the debate, as do your counter parts on The Spearhead and MGTOW.

There is only one of you here, and you have single handedly brought the tone down to the level of the manboobz/the spearhead end of the debate with a torrent of false accusations and inaccurate generalizations.

Feministsmakethingsup's picture

[deleted]

Feministsmakethingsup's picture

[Deleted double post]

Pmurphy's picture

AllyF - not my post to respond to - though I'm not going to resist saying something anyway - but I do want to thank you for taking the time to respond to comments.

I'll be honest and say you must be reading very differently to the stuff I come across. I'll concede that some of the mens rights stuff is quite colourful in language, and there's some misogyny and bitterness, particularly from aggrieved fathers, but the feminist stuff is just as dripping with misandry, and it's considerably more mainstream - you quote yourself the legion of daily papers which ridiculed and attacked David Benatar's book.

I don't think that pre mid-sixties Britain was a paradise by any means - anyone who's seen Cathy Come Home knows that. But yes - fathers were more respected, and certainly weren't feared; and while domestic abuse, access to healthcare, and death and injury at work where all bad if not worse, there at least wasn't a large section of society claiming it didn't matter that they were bad, and obstructing any efforts to improve them.

AllyF's picture

Hi again PMurphy, thanks for a well reasoned post.

"you quote yourself the legion of daily papers which ridiculed and attacked David Benatar's book."

Ah... see this, I think, is at the heart of this argument. I don't think that (in the words of Dworkin) "anti-feminism is always misogyny." A lot of people I respect identify as anti-feminist, and I don't believe they are misogynist. There are even some old-fashioned, gender essentialist, male chauvinist types who are probably quite sexist and outdated in their attitudes to women but I wouldn't call them misogynist.

Equally, I don't think it is necessarily misandrist to reject or ignore men's issues. I think it is wrong, and it can be misandry, but often it is just ignorance. So I think Suzanne Moore et al was wrong to slate Benatar's book in the way she did, but I wouldn't call that misandry, any more than I think the bloke in the street who rolls his eyes and says "oh purlease" any time a feminist issue is raised is a misogynist.

If you define feminism as de facto misandry, then of course you will see misandry everywhere within feminism. Just as if you see anti-feminism as misogyny, then you will see misogyny everywhere, not just in the MRM but across the mainstream press etc.

As for this:

"fathers were more respected, and certainly weren't feared;"

Actually I think they were feared, as for the 'respect' - well, I think that's dodgy territory. I'd ask you what you mean by it. I'd say that before the 60s there was deference to fathers which was often undeserved. I'm generally opposed to deference in pretty much all circumstances. That's the anarchist in me. You have to be clear that in asking for 'respect' you are not asking for deference, which is not the same thing at all.

"and while domestic abuse, access to healthcare, and death and injury at work where all bad if not worse, there at least wasn't a large section of society claiming it didn't matter that they were bad, and obstructing any efforts to improve them."

There *were* no efforts to improve them. There was no recognition that things could be any other way. It was actually feminism that opened up this discussion about gender roles and all the rest of it.

Pmurphy's picture

Hi AllyF,

Some very good points you make there, I suspect that you are more willing to concede good faith than I am ;-)

With the greatest respect, I think, perhaps you and a couple of the other commentators (I'm thinking of you here MRAwatch!) as well as Helen Lewis and some of the other writers, actually have some quite old-fashioned, orhodox ideas about men and especially fathers. It's quite revealing that you think fathers were feared in the past, and were undeserving of respect.

In fact, a lot of our ideas about fathers are quite wrong you know. Do take a look at this article on BBC online about 'The myth of the tyrannical father' (link below). There were widespread 'fathercraft' movements in the 1930s to teach fathers quite advanced parenting skills. I still have one of the booklets that my grandfather was given at a fathercraft course in Oldham in 1934. It was run by men, for men. It was enormously influential, especially in the industrial north of England and the Welsh Valleys. I've just taken it out of the box for the first time in years; here's an excerpt:

"Of course, no REAL MAN would ever regulate his household by the use of a cane or whip. The LOVING FATHER can achieve FAR MORE with a kind word, an encouraging check will ENSURE an EGUABLE and HAPPY HOME. Most fathers embarking on this lifelong journey and attending these WISE WORKSHOPS understand this naturally. LOVE and STEADINESS in the CONSTANT APPLICATION of LOVE are the hallmarks of a GREAT FATHER - which is now and remains, the most important role to which a man can aspire."

1934 eh? Who'd have guessed? Do you still think it was feminism that's got the monopoly on challenging gender roles?

;-)

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/8744135.stm

MRA Watch's picture

You make some good points. I haven't commented on whether dads were respected or feared, mainly because, in my own experience, it was a mixture. But I would tend towards respected. And where they were feared, quite often the fear wasn't of physical violence, more of disapproval/disappointment.

I don't think that I have old fashioned opinions particularly.

On a different but related subject, something occured to me. I know no MRAs "in real life" but I know and have interacted with dozens of feminists. None of them, or their beliefs, remotely resemble the MRM's idea of a feminist. So, when MRAs described all feminists as being on a spectrum of hate, it's hard for me to take it seriously - indeed, hard not be take a great deal of offense. Similalry, I judge MRAs by their bloggers writings and then the resulting comments. Perhaps this is a disservice - but I have nothing else to go on.

Some comments, from some commenters, have given me some pause for thought - but they are lost amongst the anger and paranoia that characterizes the MRM.

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