Whether dancing on stage with the English National Ballet or conducting an experiment for her PhD in quantum physics, 29 year-old Merritt Moore often appears a model of composure. But in last Sunday’s opening episode of BBC2’s Astronauts: do you have what it takes? we got to see what happens when high-achievers like Merritt hit breaking point.
Merritt is one of 12 candidates attempting to win the approval of Chris Hadfield, former commander of the International Space Station. Along with her fellow competitors, who include mountaineers and fighter pilots, the dancer has had to face a series of gruelling tasks designed to measure her ability to operate well in space; from flying a helicopter, to performing a blood test on her own arm.
Many of these tasks took Merritt far outside her comfort zone. “I’ve only failed my driving test three times and crashed every car I’ve gotten into – but I think helicopters are different?!” she joked nervously before setting off to perform a helicopter-hover for the very first time. Yet after a shaky start, her tenacious personality appeared to pull her through: “I’m good at being incredibly persistent and I don’t give up,” she told the space psychologist when asked to name her strengths.
Merritt also believes it is persistence (and hours of practice) that have allowed her to excel in two disciplines which are typically seen as requiring opposite traits: ballet and science. While studying for her PhD at Oxford, she has continued to perform as a professional dancer around the world.
It’s a stunning feat by any measure, and when I talk to her on the phone I ask whether it’s only possible because she’s some kind of genius? “No!” she exclaims, with a winning mix of genuine shock and self-deprecation. “I’m as far from a genius or a natural dancer as you can get – everyday I just feel like flailing mess! My thought process is that if I can do it anyone can do it, I promise you!”
But there is one thing that Merritt thinks might be holding back others from pursuing a mixed career like hers – and that’s the way the scientific world is run.
“They kind of self-select themselves,” she says of many science-professionals she’s met. “You get some people who are not incredibly understanding of those who perhaps approach [physics] in a different way, or who need a different type of schedule,” she says. “They look down on people who are different from themselves, which is really difficult; I think that’s why women have difficulties, and I think that’s why minorities have difficulties.”
A report from the Royal Society on Diversity in Science would appear to support Merritt’s conclusions. It showed that women are significantly underrepresented in senior scientific roles, and that black and minority ethnic graduates are less likely to go on to work in science than their white peers.
So how can these trends be reversed? For Merritt the answer lies as much in schools as it does with targeted scholarships and support groups. Science education needs to be re-branded, she says, so that thinking creatively is actively encouraged from a young age; “It makes no sense to divide it up and say everyone either has an analytic mind or a creative mind.” Simply leaning a set of very technical facts from a textbook drives her “bonkers” – but “when there’s passion behind something then anything is possible.”
If she could one thing about physics education, Merritt says she would switch things up so that the “exciting bits” get taught first – such as the latest thoughts on quantum computing or DNA repair. Then if students do choose to continue, they’ll know why they need to study the boring, rigorous parts too. “You’re like right, I need to learn about a harmonic oscillator because that’s how I’m going to understand this quantum computer.”
More cross-fertilisation between science and arts could also help the ballet world, she believes. “I can visualise my centre of mass, how gravity is working on different parts of my body, and how the torque effects my turns – and I think that’s a massive help,” Merritt says of her dancing.
But that’s far from all. When performing she often finds herself thinking about the more bizarre and “mind boggling” sides to physics: “Why is there all this dark matter in the Universe? What is that?! – when that’s going on in my mind, my legs become free because it means I’m not thinking about whether I look bad, or if something is right or not. I’m just inspired – and I want my dancing to be inspiring rather than self-critical all the time.”
Focusing on actions rather than self-image was definitely something Merritt’s parents encouraged from a young age. Her dad’s work as an entertainment lawyer in LA meant he was particularly alert to the stereotypes that were being laid on young girls. And, as a result, Merritt and her sister grew up without TV or fashion magazines. Her dad was even initially worried about the mirrors in ballet classrooms
But self-criticism is also very hard to avoid when your antics are being broadcast to the nation on Sunday night TV. “When you see yourself on screen you just feel incredibly vulnerable,” she says, “they are getting the raw emotions of how you’re reacting to stuff that you’ve never done before in your life!”.
What Merritt’s on-screen journey showed however, is that knowing yourself makes it easier to bouceback from nerves and self-doubt. And that perhaps more of us should be encouraged to believe that you don’t have to choose between the stars on stage or the ones in space.
The next episode of BBC2’s Astronauts: have you got what it takes? will air on Sunday 27th August at 9pm.