This England: Fast and loose

This column – which, though named after a line in Shakespeare’s “Richard II”, refers to the whole of Britain – has run in the NS since 1934. 

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A Scot branded “Britain’s clumsiest husband” melted the fridge, sliced a new sofa in half and blew up his wife’s car.

Debbie Stephens says hubby Craig has the best intentions but is a walking disaster. The Edinburgh mum-of-two and business owner said: “I think he’s the clumsiest man in the UK.”

Rather than using an ironing board, Craig used the carpet and burned a huge hole. That was shortly followed by him flooding the bathroom. Debbie said he blew up the oven ten times after rewiring it as he is colour blind. He also destroyed their new sofa by opening the packaging with a huge knife, slitting every cushion. And he ruined their fridge by defrosting it with a two-bar fire.

Daily Record (Daragh Brady)

In patriarchy’s grip

A female teacher missed out on a maths position after it went to a man who had never taught the subject but had a “strong handshake”.

Vanaja Greenwood, who has a degree in mathematics, has won a sex discrimination claim against Pinewood School after she was told her rival for the role was a more “complete schoolmaster”.

The Times (Amanda Welles)

[See also: This England: If a tree falls]

Safe six

Q: Can you have sex with someone who lives in a different house if you are in a relationship?

A: A recent change in the law allowed couples in committed relationships to have sex with their partner living in a different household, as long as it didn’t break the rule of six.

Daily Mirror (Steve Morley)

Each printed entry receives a £5 book token. Entries to comp@newstatesman.co.uk or on a postcard to This England.

This article appears in the 30 October 2020 issue of the New Statesman, The Great Reckoning

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