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3 July 2018updated 04 Jul 2018 8:22am

Is Gavin Williamson’s phone jeopardising our national security?

“Siri? Tell Vladimir Putin to shut up and go away.”

By Media Mole

The job of the Secretary of State for Defence is a relatively simple one. Ensure the security of the realm and, er, that’s it. 

Sure, Gavin Williamson might spend most of his time leaking stuff to newspapers, but surely that basic task isn’t beyond even him. Surely the Defence Secretary himself isn’t a potential national security risk? Surely?!

Your Mole is sorry to have to break it to you, but the answer is definitely maybe. Updating the Commons on the fight against Daesh with customary gravitas this afternoon, Williamson’s iPhone went off.

For the first time ever, the unmistakable metallic brogue of Siri boomed out from the despatch box. “Hi Gavin, I found something on the web for: ‘In Syria, democratic forces supported by coalition…”

Always game for a laugh – and definitely modest enough to have one at his own expense – Good Time Gav hooted: “What a very rum business that is! It’s very rare that you are heckled by your own mobile phone!”

So, Williamson’s phone is listening to him speak. Rum indeed! What larks! What else does he use his virtual assistant for?

“Hey, Siri? Send the contents of my red box to the defence correspondents of every national newspaper.”
“Hey, Siri? Where can I buy tarantula food in South Staffordshire?”
“Hey, Siri? Text Vladimir Putin: Shut Up And Go Away.”

Jokes aside, there’s nothing to worry about. It’s not like he ever talks about anything important or classified. Right? Cybersecurity expert Rodolfo Rosini tells Computer Business Review: “In itself leaving Siri on is not a huge risk.”

Phew! Oh, wait. There’s more.

“What it shows [though] is that the guy has no OPSEC [operational security] so if he sets Siri on always listening, he may have s*** security on his home computers, download dodgy apps etc. It’s inexcusable for someone in his position. Basically the problem is that he signalled he is an easy target with no clue.”

Gavin Williamson? Clueless? Next you’ll be telling me his colleagues don’t like him and he isn’t going to be prime minister.

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