With every passing day, American politics feels increasingly like the farcical movie it will, inevitably, be turned into one day – who needs artistic licence when you have Kremlingate, press secretaries replaced faster than Spiderman actors an– oh God, is this really real life, how is this happening?!
Anyway, here are the people we’d cast in Donald Trump: The Movie.
Donald Trump – Jon Voight
There are so many people that come to mind as Trump – Alec Baldwin, Martin Sheen, a hologram of Philip Seymour Hoffman, but it feels like a just punishment for Trump supporter Jon Voight to have to play out all of Trump’s catastrophic mistakes on the big screen. Plus, that leads us to…
Melania Trump – Angelina Jolie
Tell me this double casting wouldn’t be perfectly creepy and disgusting.
Ivanka Trump – Jennifer Lawrence
Once you see it, you can’t unsee it.
Jared Kushner – Paul Dano
We know that Dano can do simpering and creepy – plus they have the exact same lip-to-face ratio!
Eric Trump – Jonah Hill
With Tom Felton as a close second.
Barron Trump – Jacob Tremblay
They’re the same age, have a definite physical resemblance – and Tremblay has previously appeared in a film where a small cute child finds himself trapped by his father in a hellish misogynistic nightmare.
Anthony Scaramucci – Ben Stiller
That Zoolander pout and that well-practiced look of hurt shock will come extremely in handy in this role.
Sean Spicer – Melissa McCarthy
Because how could it be anyone else?
Steve Bannon – Timothy Spall
He’ll have to regain the weight he lost – but he’s perfect.
Hillary Clinton – Meryl Streep