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9 August 2013updated 26 Sep 2015 12:01pm

The six most pointless summer “news” stories

It's August. There is no news to report, so our newspapers are filling their pages with this guff instead.

By Bithia Large

Westminster is deserted. School’s out for summer. Half the population is on holiday, and given that A-level results are still a week away, newspapers really don’t have much to say.

Here are six of the best “stories” written to flesh out today’s papers.

1. HOLD THE PRESS! Upminster Cricket club isn’t allowed to flatten its pitch, the Telegraph reveals.

2. The biggest change to law and order for decades: police are being taught how to say “No” the Times tells us.

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3. The Daily Mail, on the other hand, features some really cutting edge, insightful gender science.

4. Westminster is rocked by the Times’ revelation that Cameron listens to Bruce Springsteen.

5. Who would have thought it? Chocolate makes you FAT, according to the Telegraph.

6. Read all about it! This one in the Independent just sells itself.