Love Island Week 4 was actually good television. We saw Tom’s now infamous “is she all mouth” comment that led to his dumping, the twist public vote that showed Amy and Curtis fail to make the public’s top three couples and saw Arabella leave the villa, and, of course, the return of Casa Amor despite rumours that it would not appear in this year’s season. The drama already caused by Casa Amor has made what previously seemed to be delicious drama from earlier in the week now merely look like an amuse bouche.
Tonight’s episode looks like this entire week may be leading to one genuinely shocking moment – but is the drama going to be worth the pure horror of it?
Despite it now having been a week since she left the villa, Yewande continues to turn herself into an icon. In her appearance on Aftersun, Love Island’s dead-eyed weekly commentary show hosted by Caroline Flack, she gave measured analysis of the villa’s goings-on, citing the love languages and giving calm and collected evidence of Danny’s betrayals. She had a glow-up in the villa, and somehow continues look better and better with each public appearance. And she managed to maintain the world’s most gracious amount of cool while being filmed live watching the guy who got her dumped from the villa lose the girl whom he had picked over her.
But really, what has made Yewande so iconic is that each of her omens has come back to haunt us.
— Love Island (@LoveIsland) June 24, 2019
Yewande told Danny “what goes around comes around” just 72 hours before Danny watched Arabella be dumped by his fellow islanders. Last night, she was retweeting viewers who noted that she had predicted Michael’s player behaviour on (literal) Day 1. What Yewande prophesises becomes villa reality. We can only hope she sees good things for the best islanders (read: Anna, Amber, Tommy) and patiently await what she foretells.
Casa No More
It’s obvious to say that this year’s Casa Amor is delivering the drama that it promised us. We’re seeing the two strongest couples fracturing (more on that later), people hopping into bed with a person they’re not coupled up with, and conversations amongst original islanders about whether or not they should leave the person that is living in the other villa.
But, of course, essentially none of this drama is happening in Casa Amor itself. Why? Because this year’s Casa Amor boys contain exactly zero spice.
Before I get into this, I have to give exception to Ovie. The 28-year-old professional basketball player is a 6”7 living statue with watermelon shoulders and approximately 120 abs. His capacity to ruin women with a single look has not been showcased in Casa Amor simply because he immediately moved to Anna who was more than happy to – with no intervention from the other female islanders – fully invest in him. Her now infamous “Jordan who?” after roughly eight seconds of knowing Ovie is testament enough to the power he will eventually display when he moves to the main villa.
However, the Casa Amor quality begins and ends at Ovie. Dennon is an obvious game-player, George has said around three whole words, and Stevie and Marvin could be the same person. Stevie only stands out to those on Twitter who have seen his obsession with pints which has gone on to be described as “if Clapham Junction had a face”.
“Chopping pints not wood” pic.twitter.com/6ljhwQVV3L
— GeorgeWeahsCousin (@WeahsCousin) July 1, 2019
The good news is that Ovie will, without a doubt, be joining the main villa. But the bad news is that at least two more of these faceless boys will be too. We can only hope that they will be dumped as swiftly as humanly possible before they suck what drama has been able to cut through this slow-start season.
Tommy Fury: Woman Respecter
If there is one silver-lining from this soul-destroying weekend with Casa Amor, it is the verified purity of Tommy Fury. The main source of drama from the early episodes, it seemed likely that the already-famous boxer was going to be one of this year’s villa players – jumping to each new girl that entered the villa. However, we can now all happily admit that Tommy Fury is in fact the exact opposite of a fuckboi, and is this year’s Woman Respecter.
— Amy Ovington (@Aovington94) June 30, 2019
The bar is incredibly low for men in general, and Love Island makes the bar even lower. That being said, Tommy has made a variety of decisions that have him clearer both of these bars. He refused to kiss Maura even when she (quite dodgily) ignored his strong “no”. He immediately set boundaries with Lucie when Molly Mae voiced her concern over their touchy, intimate relationship. And when Lucie then told Tommy that she was interested in something romantic between them, Tommy pulled the boys to discuss whether he should tell Molly, then telling her and assuring her that he was still only interested in her and the boundaries set with Lucie would remain as they were.
Tommy is my sweetheart now. I love him so much. Sweet simple babe. He and Molly are the jock and cheerleader that actually get married and last #LoveIsland
— bolu babalola (@BeeBabs) July 1, 2019
Casa Amor has only further proved this. Tommy has been sleeping on the day bed, kept things purely friendly with the new girls (bar one kiss in the challenge – we’ll give him that), and was even spotted cuddling Molly’s stuffed animal toy in her absence. There’s still at least four weeks left in this season, so things could in fact change, but Tommy has shown us that some men can, actually, be okay. And that at least one boy in this villa actually has some fucking respect.
The silenced islanders
Like a shot of sample Duty Free vodka at 6am in Stansted Departures, Love Island delivers an uplifting dose of Brits Abroad euphoria every year. But one thing has always been missing.
Amid the sunburnt pasty noses, pool divebombing and general poor decision-making, the most Brits-on-‘oliday feature of all Brits on ‘oliday around this precious globe is nowhere to be seen: the mosquito.
Quite how is this a villa holiday in Spain without everyone’s English flesh, like a comforting toad-in-the-hole after a hard day’s high-pitched buzzing, being eaten alive? Is a summer holiday really a summer holiday without a trip to the farmacia and miming “hydrocortisone” to the poor sod behind the counter?
Well, as of last night’s episode, the invisible islanders – hitherto nightly ghosts at the communal dry-humping feast – have broken their silence. “Like I’m gonna let you sleep outside and get bitten to death,” said Danny to Jourdan, confirming what viewers have been speculating for years about the dangers of sleeping outside on the daybeds.
So there are mosquitos. Even in paradise.
Although fans spotted Michael swatting a mozzie on his leg during a chat the other day, we still don’t really know why none of the contestants appear to get bitten, however. “I need the secret!” is one example of many a viewer’s bafflement since 2017 over this apparently bite-free life. Let’s hope the show gives us the DEETs soon. Eh! Eh?!
*Iain Stirling UberEats advert voice* I smell betrayal
This column is supposed to come out on a Monday and for logistical reasons couldn’t this week. But really, that timing couldn’t have been better. Last night’s episode brought out the best in the women of this series and the absolute worst from the nation’s pre-conceived pure boys. While we saw Amber, Amy, and Molly stay true to their dudes, we saw Curtis and Michael act like absolute trash, and tonight’s preview guarantees that they will follow-through on that behaviour.
— Love Island (@LoveIsland) July 1, 2019
To start with Curtis – many of us could see this coming. Branded as this year’s Jack and Dani, Curtis and Amy were an early fan-favourite of wholesome sweetness and seemingly genuine interest. However, recent episodes have painted a very different picture. Amy desperately hinting at Curtis to ask her to be his girlfriend and Curtis occasionally complaining about Amy’s immature behaviour with the other girls has seen them fall in the public’s eyes; displayed in their failure to crack the viewers’ top three favourite couples in the most recent dumping. But, despite these obvious hiccups, Curtis has done nothing to give Amy a reason to doubt him, making this emotional betrayal and likely decision to recouple with someone else an extra dose of gross.
I feel sorry for Amy tbh. The producers put her in there knowing she’s not as conventionally hot as the other girls so she’s already dealing with that dynamic in the villa. Fine she’s a bit annoying but she honestly just wants love and to be loved
— Jase, By Jason (@jasebyjason) July 1, 2019
But really, where the truly villainous behaviour lies is within our previously beloved Michael Griffiths.
Amber and Michael only got together after a week of being in the villa and have rapidly become the most genuine representation of romantic affection so far this season. Michael admitted to being intimidated by Amber, but also praised that part of her personality and we watched Amber put down her incredibly high walls to make herself vulnerable to this guy who seemed genuinely ready to love her. When they first arrived in Casa Amor, a misreading of Amber might have had you predict that she would play the game and start chatting with the new boys to build herself a safety net. But unsurprisingly, she has remained loyal to Michael even in the face of fears that he might be “cracking on” with someone else.
And Michael has made those fears a reality. He had to be convinced not to jump into bed with Joanna on the first night, was eagerly kissing and touching her at every single challenge, invited her to share a bed on night two, and has been seen kissing her (challenge-free) tonight. What’s worse is that he hasn’t just done these things and pretended Amber doesn’t exist. No, he has taken every opportunity to criticise their relationship to Joanna, even after he’d only known her for a couple of hours.
Tonight we’re inevitably going to see Michael standing hand-in-hand with Joanna in the villa as Amber returns, faithfully, alone. And while that inevitability will give us drama to last us into next week, the heartbreak of it all feels far from worth it.
We are all destined to be alone in this world #loveisland
— Ruchira Sharma (@RuchoSharma) July 1, 2019