Canadian parliament bemoans lack of Zombie apocalypse preparations

But what about the vampires, eh?

The Canadian legislature has either a) a lot more free time than ours or b) a very different understanding of the potential risks of a zombie apocalypse, because their parliament has been debating the extent of the countries preparedness for Z-day:

In case you're wondering, the American Centre for Disease Control really does have a Zombie Preparedness page, which includes a comic, poster, and blog post. The whole thing has a serious undertone, though. As the CDC director, Ali Khan, says:

If you are generally well equipped to deal with a zombie apocalypse you will be prepared for a hurricane, pandemic, earthquake, or terrorist attack.

Photograph: Getty Images

Alex Hern is a technology reporter for the Guardian. He was formerly staff writer at the New Statesman. You should follow Alex on Twitter.

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Telegraph rebrands shadow cabinet member Diane Abbott MP “Corbyn’s former lover”

Shadow international development secretary in demotion by rightwing newspaper SHOCK.

Diane Abbott is a Labour MP, and has been since 1987. She is now in the shadow cabinet, as shadow international development secretary. She's a pretty senior politician, all told. But this hasn't stopped the Telegraph choosing to describe her as "Corbyn's former lover". In a story that has nothing to do with the Labour leader, or the MP's past relationship with him.

In fact, there's no sex in this story at all. It's about a traffic scheme.

Here's how they promoted it on Twitter:

And here's the first line of the piece:

General sexism in reporting aside, your mole can't help thinking there were other traffic concerns at play when this piece was written...

I'm a mole, innit.