SMF wins at Christmas cards

"Retiring Rudolph"

The winner of this year's Christmas card competition (yes, there was a competition, didn't you know?) is the Social Market Foundation, whose card is a perfect parody of their own reports. Click for a bigger version:

The text on the back says:

The debacle surrounding the refranchising of Santa's West Coast Sleighline has thrown gift distribution policy into a snow flurry this Christmas.

Last month, Rudolph's operation of the line came to an abrupt end, as purple-nosed reindeer Prancer was unexpectedly awarded the contract. But, as Rudolph languished in unseasonably bad-tempered retirement, the Partnership of Lapland Elves and Baubles (P.L.E.B.s) uncovered significant technical flaws in the bidding process, based on risky stocking capacity projections.

In this year's Christmas commission, the SMF research fairies propose a radical overhaul of the tendering process to ensure that such problems don't snowball in future.

"This is virgin' on the ridiculous. Unless we sort this thing out, next year there'll be 12 drummers drumming before we get the gifts out."
- The Ombusnowman

Sponsor: Virgin Mary

Alex Hern is a technology reporter for the Guardian. He was formerly staff writer at the New Statesman. You should follow Alex on Twitter.

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Owen Smith apologises for pledge to "smash" Theresa May "back on her heels"

The Labour leader challenger has retracted his comments. 

Labour leader challenger Owen Smith has apologised for pledging to "smash" Theresa May "back on her heels", a day after vigorously defending his comments.

During a speech at a campaign event on Wednesday, Smith had declared of the prime minister, known for wearing kitten heels:

"I'll be honest with you, it pained me that we didn’t have the strength and the power and the vitality to smash her back on her heels and argue that these our values, these are our people, this is our language that they are seeking to steal.”

When pressed about his use of language, Smith told journalists he was using "robust rhetoric" and added: "I absolutely stand by those comments."

But on Thursday, a spokesman for the campaign said Smith regretted his choice of words: "It was off script and on reflection it was an inappropriate choice of phrase and he apologises for using it."

Since the murder of the MP Jo Cox in June, there has been attempt by some in politics to tone down the use of violent metaphors and imagery. 

Others though, have stuck with it - despite Jeremy Corbyn's call for a "kinder, gentler politics" his shadow Chancellor, John McDonnell, described rebel MPs as a "lynch mob without the rope"

Smith's language has come under scrutiny before. In 2010, when writing about the Tory/Lib-Dem coalition, he asked: "Surely, the Liberal will file for divorce as soon as the bruises start to show through the make-up?"

After an outcry over the domestic violence metaphor, Smith edited the piece.