"Through the Cervix of Hawwah": don't judge a song by its title

The oddly-named metal records you must listen to.

I've recently been bitten by a metal bug; it's pretty ferocious and yet seemingly not very popular and not all that contagious. Listening to hardcore, metal or drone records brings with it the fairly unique problem that the artists often have such silly names, outfits and ideas that it can distract one hugely from the noise that is actually being made. The song names tend to be so spectacular that it is almost impossible for the music to compete; Bonedust on Dead Genitals for example.

There is a lot of very good stuff around at the moment though and whether attracted, appalled or indifferent to the whole language that comes with the genre, it would be a pity if you were to miss out on it all. Prison Sweat by Total Abuse is a current fav, along with Dead in the Dirt's album Fear. Philly group Satanzied also have new material in the form of Technical Virginity. Despite having a rather pretty sleeve depicting a pyramid with a white picket fence, Satanzied seem to intersperse their music with a sound similar to vomiting (it works though.) Finally, Antediluvian's soon to be released Through the Cervix of Hawwah, which may have developed a metal form of Tuvan throat singing to accompany their breed of onslaught, and I really like Tuvan throat singing. There really is something here for everyone: get bitten.

"Hogg" from the Total Abuse album Prison Sweat:

 

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Casting the Brexit movie that is definitely real and will totally happen

Details are yet unclear as to whether The Bad Boys of Brexit will be gracing our screens, or just Farage's vivid imagination.

Hollywood is planning to take on the farcical antics of Nigel Farage et al during the UK referendum, according to rumours (some suspect planted by a starstruck Brexiteer). 

Details are yet unclear as to whether The Bad Boys of Brexit will be gracing our big or small screens, a DVD, or just Farage's vivid imagination, but either way here are our picks for casting the Hollywood adaptation.

Nigel Farage: Jim Carrey

The 2018 return of Alan Partridge as "the voice of hard Brexit" makes Steve Coogan the obvious choice. Yet Carrey's portrayal of the laughable yet pure evil Count Olaf in A Series of Unfortunate Events makes him a serious contender for this role. 

Boris Johnson: Gerard Depardieu

Stick a blonde wig on him and the French acting royalty is almost the spitting image of our own European aristocrat. He has also evidently already mastered the look of pure shock necessary for the final scene of the movie - in which the Leave campaign is victorious.

Arron Banks: Ricky Gervais

Ricky Gervais not only resembles Ukip donor Arron Banks, but has a signature shifty face perfect for the scene where the other Brexiteers ask him what is the actual plan. 

Gerry Gunster: Anthony Lapaglia

The Bad Boys of Brexit will reportedly be told from the perspective of the US strategist turned Brexit referendum expert Gerry Gunster. Thanks to recurring roles in both the comedy stalwart Frasier, and the US crime drama Without a Trace, Anthony Lapaglia is versatile enough to do funny as well as serious, a perfect mix for a story that lurches from tragedy to farce. Also, they have the same cunning eyes.

Douglas Carswell: Mark Gatiss

The resemblance is uncanny.

David Cameron: Andrew Scott

Andrew Scott is widely known for his portrayal of Moriarty in Sherlock, where he indulges in elaborate, but nationally destructive strategy games. The actor also excels in a look of misplaced confidence that David Cameron wore all the way up to the referendum. Not to mention, his forehead is just as shiny. He'll have to drink a lot of Bollinger to gain that Cameron-esque puppy fat though. 

Kate Hoey: Judi Dench

Although this casting would ruin the image of the much beloved national treasure that is Judi Dench, if anyone can pull off being the face of Labour Leave, the incredible actress can.