The right-wing blog ConservativeHome has published what appears to be an attempt at a humorous account of canvassing for the Tories in the east London borough of Hackney. It includes this delightful caricature of a couple of black teenage girls who happen to cross paths with the canvassers.
- Tory! shouts one.
- Vote Laye-bor, goes the other one, in that adopted rude-bwoy cod-Jamaican accent that I detest. I don't give them a second glance and it takes a moment to see that I've walked on alone. Oh God. Keith stands in front of them.
- Who do you want to win, then? he asks, forgetting about this not-talking-to-people thing.
They giggle. They're both clinically obese, a common enough sight here, as is the fried "chicken" product one is shoving into her mouth. I remember being the fat boy at primary school; it wasn't fun, because no-one else was. I wonder if it's the thin kids who feel isolated these days, since they're the minority now.
- Mai mum allays votes Laye-bore, one says. Her friend's eyebrows knit. There's a better answer than that, she thinks, something she's been taught. I can see the moment of triumph when she remembers:
- You'll take away our EMA innit. She's so happy to have remembered the reason not to vote Tory, which someone has carefully taught her, that her epiphany of political insight is delivered in natural cockney. For this reason at least I warm to her a little.
Perhaps this utter contempt for the inhabitants of Britain's inner cities is why the Tories came a poor third in Hackney on 6 May.