The Staggers

The New Statesman’s rolling politics blog

Syndicate contentRSS

Dennis Skinner’s best Queen’s Speech jokes

The finest republican quips by the Beast of Bolsover.

Dennis Skinner's republican quips during the State Opening of Parliament have become as much of a tradition as the rest of the occasion.

Today, as the Yeoman of the Guard (Black Rod is ill) summoned MPs to hear the Queen's Speech in the "other place", the Labour MP joked: "No royal commissions this week," a none-too-subtle reference to Sarah Ferguson's unfortunate offer of access to her ex-husband, Prince Andrew, in exchange for cash.

So, in tribute to the Beast of Bolsover's verbal agility, here is a selection of his finest Queen's Speech jokes from the past two decades.

1990

Skinner quipped: "It tolls for thee, Maggie", a reference to Margaret Thatcher's imminent departure.

1992

As pressure grew on the Queen to pay tax on her personal income, Skinner ordered Black Rod: "Tell her to pay her taxes."

1997

Skinner cried out: "New Labour, New Black Rod", an adaptation of the campaign slogan "New Labour, New Britain".

2000

Skinner shouted out, "Tell her to read the Guardian" after the newspaper launched a new campaign calling for Britain to become a republic.

2003

Following a series of break-ins at Buckingham Palace, Skinner asked: "Did she lock the door behind her?"

2006

In reference to the new film The Queen, Skinner asked Black Rod: "Have you got Helen Mirren on standby?"

2007

After two protected hen harriers were shot dead on the royal family's Sandringham estate, Skinner cried out: "Who shot the harriers?" Prince Harry was questioned by the police but no charges were brought.

2008

Skinner quipped: "Any Tory moles at the palace?", a reference to the recent arrest of the Tory MP Damian Green in connection with Home Office leaks.

2009

As Black Rod arrived in the Commons, Skinner joked: "Royal expenses are on the way."

PS: If you missed it at the time, you can read our special anti-monarchy issue in full here.

Special offer: get 12 issues of the New Statesman for just £5.99 plus a free copy of "Liberty in the Age of Terror" by A C Grayling.

37 comments

Charlie Monck's picture

I wish Dennis Skinner was MY Member of Parliament. Sadly we have to make do here with some buffoon called David Cameron ...

danny's picture

f such a system had been in place in the past, the nation would have been robbed of political talents as important and diverse as Tony Benn and Wniston Churchill.

*********************************

Tony Benn and Winston Churchill eh.

Churchill saved the world and Tony Benn called Mao the greatest man of the 20th Century and got old.

Benn's not fit to lace *my* boots never mind Churchill's.

jonathon wagstaff's picture

dennis skinner is my MP. i'm proud and honoured to have him. he's often walking around the highstreet talking to folk. he's helped so many. other's should stand up and take notice.

swatantra's picture

He may well be a leg end in Bolsover, but there comes a time when he has to consider that he is is stopping younger people coming forward in the Party who could do a better job. You've just given him another meal ticket for the next 5 years. He'll have been an MP almost as long as the Queen's been on the throne, and he's not even on the Civil List, yet. He's been living on that 'down tha' pit' story for the past 40 years.
Yes, all MPs should be limited to 3 terms and then go out and get a real job in the real world.

Stewart Kirk's picture

Anyone that makes inane comments that MPs should be limited to 3 terms clearly misunderstands the nature of parliamentary politics. If such a system had been in place in the past, the nation would have been robbed of political talents as important and diverse as Tony Benn and Wniston Churchill. One would also note that Skinner is an exemplary constituency MP, and, refreshing in these days of sleaze, not 'on the make'.

ROBERT TAGGART's picture

Good on Den' boy !
Hate his politics, love his irreverence !

Albert M. Bankment's picture

Oh dear. Once more for the hard of thinking, then. I accept that he's a good bloke and a good MP, and is brilliantly capable of walking and talking at the same time. He's a convinced republican, as am I. Nevertheless, the wicked old fraud said that he would retire at 65, and he didn't. He'll be 83 if this Parliament runs to a full five years. He is just sitting there in his sinecure, mouthing off his predictable and fatuous little jokes like a banged-out music hall comic. He should have kept to his word and stepped aside for a younger replacement who could shake up the Commons as he used to.

Shanti Tanna's picture

Does any one know that Dennis has claimed one the lowest expenses in the Parliament during his entire career and has demonstrated highest degree of morality, integrity, decency, responsibility and honesty? This alone is, in my view, sufficient reasonto erect this man's life sized statue, if not in the Parliamentary Square, most certainly in his constituency. I salute you, most sincerely, Dennis for your qualities, despite my disagreement with your politics. I really envy your constituents.

swatantra's picture

Gladstone was still going strong at 80, but Skinner is no Galdsone. He's now part of the furniture. Skinner probably achieved his peak 30 odd years ago and has been coasting it ever since. Surely even he can see the necessity of giving way. When can we expect a bye election?
Tony Benn thought he could do more outside Parliament than in it and he's right, several tombs of autobiography, the lecture circuit and constant TV appearances maintain his place as the No1 conscience of the Left.
That other famous Republican Donald Rumsfeldt came out with his book of infamous quotations. When are we going to get Skinners 'Words' Autobiography.

Ian Walker's picture

What has his age got to do with it ?
We have equality laws and democracy, so if his constituents wish to vote for him, so be it. We could do with a few more elders in Parliament, not just the white middle class bias there is now.
Ageism is bigotry too.

LJP's picture

The young can wait for their turn, as they did in previous generations. High time some of the half-baked brats who currently spin the world stood aside to make room for people with lifelong experience.

Martyn Brown's picture

Re-elected with increased majority.
What can't speak cant lie.
The people he represents put him there and they are not Non Doms.

Maureen's picture

Danny imagines that Churchill saved the world and that Tony Benn might consider lacing his or Churchill's boots!! Dream on,sonny!
In 1945 the servicemen and women who REALLY saved the world,(one of whom was Tony Benn, who was one of our bravest pilots in WW2)threw him out of office.
Long may there be true REAL Labour MPs like Dennis Skinner. I saw the opening of Parliament on TV and there were huge roars of laughter at his "Royal" asides. Obviously more MPs agree with him than will admit it(on ALL sides of the House)

Amethyst Velvet's picture

We could do with a few more MPs who care for the people rather than their image/influence/party/personal bank balance. Parliament will be a poorer place when 'The Beast' finally retires.

Bob Piper's picture

I think Albert should go easy on Den. A man's entitled to change his mind... ask Vince Cable. He changed his before he changed his underpants when the offer of a Ministerial limo loomed in to view.

swatantra's picture

Would you expect Martin Bell to change his mind?
This is why we have to make it a rule that MPs serve for fixed terms otherwise they get so drawn into the trappings they can't resist and overstay their welcome. Nobody, not even Skinner, is indispensable.
Many excellent Labour MPs thought that 2010 was the right time to step down, and do something else.

Mike Burn's picture

No Black Rod today George. Yeoman of the Guard in his place.

swatantra's picture

I'd honesty thought that Skinner had retired and generously made way for a younger man or woman. I can't believe he's back. Skinners utterances are in the same league as Rumsfelds.

Christine Swain's picture

The people who are saying Dennis Skinner is stopping young talent from coming through may wish to consider that the talent may not be ready for office, at least not in the constituency he serves. Taking the 2010 election campaign as an example, here is what we got offered:

UKIP - sent out nothing. Online research revealed the candidate's name and the local paper's election feature repeated party policy without indication of what would be done for Bolsover or the candidate's *personal* beliefs.

BNP - sent a flyer. The one that arrived at my house didn't even mention the candidate's name. Said candidate didn't submit anything to the local paper's election feature.

Liberal Democrats - sent a flyer that mentioned a little bit about the candidate and a couple of vague references to what would be done for Bolsover. Although the piece sent to the local paper was long, the expansion was entirely national-level.

Conservatives - sent a large flyer with lots of information. Unfortunately it gave the impression that the same flyer with changed location names and biographies had been sent throughout the UK. Finding out that he is a Westminster councillor (rather than a local) may not have helped matters. The local paper article featured some vague ideas and unlike the previous three, there were some eye-catching banners for supporters.

Labour - sent two adverts. One was a full-page flyer outlining Dennis' platform (mostly "I can be relied upon to do a decent bread-and-butter job of politics" rather than anything policy-related)- after half the page had been devoted to a call to register and use the vote! The second was a double-sided flyer more along the lines of the other parties, but it was focused on what Dennis would do for his constituency and didn't dwell too much on his party (good tactic; everyone I've spoken to on politics, whatever their constituency, was somewhat annoyed with Labour). The newspaper article would have summarised well for those who didn't get the political mail-outs...

Also, Dennis made a point of touring the constituency's old people's homes and similar locations. No other candidate bothered to tour their proposed constituency so throughly. Skinner isn't Gladstone, but compared to what we've seen of the alternatives he might as well be.

In short, if the other candidates can't run a campaign well enough for voters to feel confident about them as individuals, that leaves them fighting purely on their party beliefs - never a big pull in a constituency largely populated by working-class people. And anyone who is relying on being "the face of their party" is unlikely to be seen to do their job well enough to get a second term. Indeed, while there are people like Dennis who know how to campaign, they're unlikely to get a first term!

Dennis may have promised to step down 18 years ago, but it's clear that if he had done so the constituency would be represented by a worse candiate (whichever party he or she represented). Add to that the horror stories from other parts of the country and the emergence of New Labour (meaning Dennis' successor in the party will probably not think in ways so compatible with Bolsover's people) and it just cements the impression that Dennis Skinner is still needed as an MP. What reasonable politician would want to leave a role where he or she is needed? People can see their error and change their mind to correct it, after all.

Oh, and when Tony Benn left office, his constituency went through three parties in three terms and is still struggling to find a representative it wants to retain. This may have been a factor in Dennis staying as an MP.

Tom Walker's picture

Dennis Skinner is the heart and soul of the true labour party, I hope he lives to be 100 so he can tell the crown where they can stick their birthday telegram, keep that red flag flying Dennis

john winstanley's picture

night night dennis

Frances Ham's picture

Dennis Skinner is one of the last of the eccentric characters that have livened up parliamentary proceedings over the past few decades. In an age when blandness pervades all the parties we must cherish our mavaricks and rebels. We don't need to agree with the likes of Dennis Skinner, but he adds colour to the general beige-ness of Westminster.

Albert M. Bankment's picture

I recall that the dreadful old buffoon promised, ages ago and possibly on first being elected as an MP, that he would retire as a Member at 65 "t'same as I would 'ave ter if I were still working down t'pit" (or words to that effect).

He's 78 now, still sitting there mouthing off his tired old class-war slogans, the only one thinking he's funny while everyone else chuckles indulgently, as they would at the loony on the bus.

Trevor May's picture

Thanks Dennis I am so glad that you are still there giving them all stick. The place would be so boring without you in it. It is shame that we are about 2 miles a way from you being our MP instead we have an ex dolly bird presenter from GMTV as ours.

Age has nothing to do with doing a good job for his constituents and as for the dig about the class war, well my friend that is the reality of Britain today. Even after 13 years of Tory Lite under Blair & Brown we still have vast divides in riches, mentality and opportunities between the classes. Thankfully there is still one MP at least who understands the real Britain and is willing to speak up and stand up for the working class. Something that Blair & Brown and the rest of the New Labour project did not do.

jeremiah's picture

Dennis Skinner is a hard working and respected MP.

He has been an MP for 40 years and still won 50% of the vote in his seat despite a big swing to the Tories.

swatantra's picture

I thought we didn't believe in jobs for life. A healthy turnover of MPs would be good for democracy.

Albert M. Bankment's picture

Dear Jeremiah,

I am sure that he is a hard-working MP; his constituents keep voting for him. I accept that he may well be respected. He is sincere in his principles. Incidentally, I am as passionate a republican as he is, although I despise his boorish expression of it. I was merely reminding folk that he made an undertaking to retire 13 years ago, and has failed to keep it.

Martin G of Bolsover's picture

swatantra nandanwar said:-

"...Skinner is no Gladstone"

Aye, and Gladstone is no Skinner.

jie4v7i14's picture

'glad to hear the member opposite actually does his duty in his matrimonial bed'...

jie4v7i14's picture

put 'his' rather than 'its' in my comment, to be brit polite...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGZaY4dG6pw

cwmellors's picture

If his local party didn't want him to stand He wouldn't, thats why he is still there. I would have him as my MP tomorrow. All these estate agent, media savvy types in the house have killed democracy & the voice of the real people only one voice Dennis Skinner rings true. Bring on more like him, less spin just kick em in the shin! Well done Dennis keep it up.

martin walton's picture

met him about six times a real gent stands by his princeables will never go to the lords unlike some left of the party who have sold themselves out when alas he goes we will never see his like again

jeremiah's picture

@swatantra & Albert.

Maybe you two should call Nick Clegg and get term limits placed in his package of "reforms" to our unwritten constitution.

I can just see MPs of all parties voting themselves out of a job!

James Smith's picture

Dennis Skinner is a legend. Swatantra and Albert can bugger off! If we had more MPs like him the world would be a better place.

jeremiah's picture

Well said James!

Tom's picture

Make way for a youngster? Like Blair, perhaps?

Latest tweets