It reads like a biopic so appalling it would finally push the British film industry over the edge. But in fact it's a list of who is playing who as the party leaders enter their final days of rehearsals before the big TV debates kick off.

The ever-excellent Gary Gibbon has revealed the complete list. Show business for ugly people, indeed.

The Labour team

• David Cameron played by Alastair Campbell
• Nick Clegg played by Theo Brennan, a No 10 staffer
• Alastair Stewart/Adam Boulton/David Dimbleby played by David Muir, Labour's top pollster

The Tory team

• Gordon Brown played by Damian Green
• Nick Clegg played by Jeremy Hunt
• Alastair Stewart/Adam Boulton/David Dimbleby played by Michael Gove

The Lib Dem team

• Gordon Brown played by Chris Huhne
• David Cameron played by David Laws

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