Steven Baxter

Patrolling the murkier waters of the mainstream media

Syndicate contentRSS

Kate Middleton: walking uterus!

The speculation about whether the princess is pregnant is a sad indication of the way we view our royals.

Kate Middleton, pregnant.

The speculation about whether the princess is pregnant is a sad indication of the way we view our public figures.

Kate Middleton, our princess of dreams, is slowly becoming dismembered. Just as her sister was reduced to a pair of ripe buttocks by the sexy gaze of the media back in April, now Kate faces the same Boxing Helena fate -- but her destiny is a walking uterus rather than a walking bum.

Photos of Kate last week showed that her hands were near her stomach. Aha! She must be preggers! Or thinking about a baby! Or about to pop one out on the sly! She once refused a peanut butter sandwich! Maybe she's pregnant! Maybe she's about to have the ROYAL BABY just after the ROYAL WEDDING! Hurry up, ma'am, and use your uterus before it runs out!

More prosaic explanations for the pictures -- for example, that she didn't have any pockets, so where was she meant to put her hands? -- could be swept aside. "So what's making Kate so happy?" nudged the Daily Mail, along with the Daily Express and Daily Star, who also carried the photo on their front pages. Maybe she'd met someone she knew? Maybe she was having a nice time? Maybe she likes doing princess things and being a princess? Aha, but with a wink here and a nod there, we get the picture: KATE MIGHT BE PREGNANT!

You might argue that that's all a princess of the realm ever is -- a pretty face, a nice wave and very little else; someone to wear pretty dresses and then squirt out a kid when the Crown demands it. You might say that's the career and the ambition that Kate M chose when she decided to become part of the cobweb-ridden old aristocratic family from her "common" roots.

I don't agree. Surely this person, regardless of whether or not she is a princess, is a human being, a woman with dreams and ambitions, a person with a being, with a soul? Well, it's just that we don't see William, Kate's husband, as essentially being a pair of testicles. We see beyond the gonads when it comes to him, and see a person.

We don't just think: oh come on, Wills, your role is to pump out some blue-blooded semen, so let's get on with it. We don't linger on photographs of his crotch, wondering whether he is about to produce the royal fluids to extend the family line. We just let him get on with it. But that's not a freedom that we extend to his better half: she is destined to be a barren womb, until such time as she becomes pregnant, and then that's that; her work will have been done.

There's another thing, too, aside from the fact we have barely moved on since medieval times in the way we view princesses. The post-Leveson landscape doesn't look spectacularly different from the Bad Old Days. As ever, speculation about the pregnancy (or otherwise) of a public figure is a rather unpleasant thing if that person in question hasn't chosen to make it public, or hasn't reached the stage at which such things should really be made public.

Surely such things are, you know, private, even for public figures? Or is every time Kate looks happy (or sad), or fat (or thin), or puts her hands near her belly (or not), going to be evidence that she might be up the duff? Is that what we've really come to, as a nation, in the way we see our public figures? If so, I find it all rather sad.

17 comments

David's picture

Surely this is an indication that it's time to abolish the anachronistic monarchy? Especially since it's going to cost us a fortune to send half of them jetting to around 60 countries to mark the queen's 60th anniversary, and at a time when teachers and nurses are losing their jobs.

Erik Pan's picture

David - "Surely this is an indication that it's time to abolish the anachronistic monarchy?"

I actually agree with abolishing the monarchy, but I don't see how this pregnancy speculation about Catherine 'indicates' that.

Freeman2's picture

It's what she's there for. William Parasite will be collecting his mistresses soon, if he hasn't already. Her role is solely to provide an heir.

Mr Larrington's picture

According to one American supermarket tabloid I saw while on holibobs, she was already up the duff back in September.

Robert Taggart's picture

Surely she knows what be expected of her ?...
An heir and a spare !

Tesco Shelf Stacker's picture

@ South Pacific - as a Brit I agree with you.

Princess Beatrice looks like she is wearing a uterus on her head ...

http://storage.canoe.ca/v1/blogs-prod-photos/8/5/e/5/6/85e56233b165745bd...

PikeyMikey's picture

Steven, you wrote, "Is that what we've really come to, as a nation, in the way we see our public figures? If so, I find it all rather sad." - If this is so then I rather think your profession/industry is culpable.

David's picture

I think media and/or public obsession about a potential pregnancy is an indication that it's time for the Royals to go, and I don't know what else would be. Maybe, however, the massive taxpayer expenditure for sending Liz and her worthless family around the globe to celebrate sixty years of he reign will be a better reason. Either way, I'd rather we didn't have to put up with them, especially given the BBC's sickening amount of coverage of Phil's illness over Christmas.

Simple Simon's picture

Print newspapers are suffering the financial fallout of their loss of any role
or utility. Sadly they reject the one role they might fill with honour - serious,
analytical discussion of topics of economic, social and political interest, giving
the background, informing us and speculating about possible outcomes.Instead the
broadsheets get down in the dirt and wallow in it alongside the tabloids.

Sadly, I have to go to the Economist, the New Yorker, Vanity Fair and (yes) the New
Statesman to give me what i want from newspapers.

Ian5's picture

Hey Steven, are you married, if so do you have children and why? .. At the biological level basically "you might argue" all women are walking uterus's are they not? Not just royal princesses.

Its your professions speculation on items like this that is the most sickening..

Hugh Markey's picture

A pregnant pause on these musings, please. Or, at least, leave it to the grandmothers.
So far there appears to be only one female blogger.

Old Woman

south pacific's picture

The thing that gets me as a non-Brit
is why are these royals always wear such stupid hats.

Can't they afford getting a decent hair do??

Latest tweets