Why we shouldn't deride Liz Jones for her sperm-stealing revelation
If these columns represent reality, rather than calculated provocation, they should be met with comp
By Steven Baxter Published 03 November 2011 16:02
Liz Jones has got Twitter angry. No, that won't do at all; it hasn't narrowed anything down for you. She's got Twitter angry about something she said in the Mail, about women. No, that still doesn't do it. OK, it's something she wrote about women being sperm-snatching desperados raiding their lovers' condoms for testicular emissions. Ah, now we know where we are.
Billed as "her most shocking confession yet", today's article details Jones's quest to get herself pregnant, in which she claims: "I resolved to steal his sperm from him in the middle of the night. I thought it was my right, given that he was living with me and I had bought him many, many M&S ready meals." Well, I suppose if you have gone to the trouble of making someone a posh dinner in a plastic tray, you can pretty much stake a claim to whatever bodily fluids they've got going.
It's easy to mock. Sometimes it's right to mock, and sometimes it's not. I don't know what to think of these rather boggling revelations, other than to see why it has got others more than a little steamed up. Jones writes: "But I do believe that any man who moves in with a woman in her late 30s or early 40s should take it as read that she will want to use them to procreate, by fair means or foul, no matter how much she protests otherwise."
Now, as a man who tends not to get his advice about sex and relationships from the pages of the Daily Mail, I might take this advice with a pinch of salt. I won't turn into the Rick Moranis character in Parenthood, who checks his partner's diaphragm every night to ensure she hasn't sneakily put holes in it. But I suppose this kind of overly sweeping statement gets people irritated by the way in which it reduces a whole generation of women into deceptive sperm-harvesting condom raiders, man-milk snatchers on a mission to get themselves up the duff by any means necessary.
On the other hand, there's more than one way to look at Liz Jones. We could see her as a brilliant creator of a ditsy comic persona who ends up being the butt of every joke and on the wrong end of every story. That's comforting, because it means no-one gets hurt if we slag her off, because we're essentially just finishing off the effacing that she's already started; and besides, it's just a character, rather than a human being in these columns, maybe with elements of truth and elements of fiction.
But is that right? Let's assume that the Liz Jones who appears in print is not some confection or caricature, and that every word is true. Here's someone who was so desperate to have children she stole sperm from her lover's condom while he wasn't looking; and not only that, she has written about it in a national newspaper, exposing herself to ridicule and contempt. Here's someone who has, in the past, run up huge debts through overspending, over and over again, so much so that readers sent in scratchcards to give her a helping hand. Imagine that person is someone you know rather than just a byline in a newspaper you don't particularly care for. Would you think of them as someone who needs help, rather than a bunch of strangers on the internet taking the piss out of them?
I've said it before, but fun as it is to stick the boot into someone like Liz Jones who sets herself up as an Aunt Sally (or is set up as one by others), I can't really bring myself to do it anymore. If it's not true, it's just a bit of trolling, designed to light up the Twitter mob's flaming torches and get them to drive huge amounts of traffic towards the Daily Mail website -- there's nothing the Mail Online likes more than a bunch of angry liberals to boost those unique visitor numbers.
Look at a sentence like "As a feminist, I looked down on mumsy types" and you have to wonder. Is that really what she thinks, or is it rather more cynical red-rag-waving? I suppose we shall never know, and I certainly don't claim to have any particular insight. But the way I look at it is this: if there's a chance that these columns represent the reality of another person's life, instead of a calculated bit of provocation, then the person who has been brave enough to share such negative aspects of their personality should be met with compassion, rather than animosity or ridicule. Fine, the sweeping statements about whole groups of people aren't helpful, but they could be seen as justifying the author's own behaviour by imagining it to be commonplace.
You can argue whether it's really in that person's best interests to share such deeply personal insights with thousands of others, but it's their decision. And, if it is all true, I just feel sorry for the person who wrote it, rather than thinking them worth of derision. It's just a sad, sad story.
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22 comments
Liz Jones is a misogynist's dream come true.
In fact...there are a few like that on The Daily Mail.
The whole "upending the contents of the condom into the vagina" deal seems a touch contrived and possibly fake (yes, I understood she didn't become pregnant).
Mostly due to the spermicide in the condom, it really does knock the motility and morphology of the spermatozoa around somewhat as does the latex of the condom, making it pretty much useless for the intended purpose.
But the rest of the story does ring true, although in a rather smaller percentage than Ms Liz would like us to believe.
Alex: I know. But I disagree, because I don't think the Mail is exploiting her. I do think they should stop employing her - but not for her sake. Because she'd clearly just start a blog and carry on.
Can you exploit someone by paying them loads of money for doing what they love (writing about themselves)? I'm not even sure that's possible.
Ego. That is all Liz is, she doesn't need anyone else looking after her when she's wrapped up in her own little world of self.
Anyone engaged in such 'selfism' deserves ridicule, there are better ways to achieve your goals than by stamping on the rights and goals of others. We shouldn't just feel sympathy for the first person to not get what they want because they get a platform to express it.
Some people have trivial concerns, others have concerns that they try to achieve incorrectly. Save your concern for those with sympathy themselves.
Maaaaaybe...but no. I don't agree. Were Liz Jones merely someone who has done all these things, or thought all her opinions to herself privately, then yes I'd feel sorry for her.
However, actually she is a journalist, and this is her output. And it's ridiculous.
As a journalist she is making money (a lot) out of this woefully vacuous and unhelpful writing.
It's entirely right to mock because she is setting herself up to be mocked, indeed it's her job.
It's like saying you feel sorry for a boxer because he gets punched in the face a lot.
@Neuroskeptic
I think Baxter is pointing out that there are two possibilites here:
1) This is a schtick or a wind-up, in which case to respond is only to get "suckered in".
2) This is authentic, in which case it's terrible and the Mail should be taken to task for exploiting her.
(Neuromarxism)
I feel sorry for her. But I also resent her trying to speak on my behalf.
I think it's quite possible to feel both emotions at once.
But yeah, some of the slagging her off for being ugly, and jokes about her eating disorder, etc are really really not cool!
"Save your concern for those with sympathy themselves."
Well, no, I cannot agree with this.
Often the people most in need of sympathy, understanding, etc are those unable to offer it, because they are trapped in a hellhole of depression or trapped in a narcissistic personality disorder or...
Which isn't to say anyone depressed acts like Liz Jones (before anyone says it!). Far from it.
But the principle of you get compassion if you give it is flawed, in the same way as the principle that denying other people's human rights means you give up your own is flawed.
And anyway, compassion and sympathy aren't a finite resource. Too many people in the world behave as if they are.
I'm more on the side that says it's the people who get to decide what's offensive are those being set up as having nothing to contribute to society but a rabid secret mania to procreate. Her columns might seem trivial to some liberal men, but women have to endure the effects of the misogyny perpetuated by the Mail everyday- on that basis, liz Jones isn't a harmless lunatic but very dangerous, whether she is a persona or not. Also - make sure you're reading the column through a mirror, everyone!
I'd take it that any man who moves in with a 30-40 y.o female who does not have children, and does not profess to want them...could reasonably assume SHE DOES NOT WANT THEM....and the male probably doesn't either...unless professed otherwise.
Don't women know that NO means NO. and a condom SAYS NO.
I agree that I suspect she is a very damaged and vulnerable individual however, I cannot dismiss her generalisations. It is not just her personal story - she accuses all women of a certain age of this. And this isn't just an isolated claim but a claim steeped in sexist prejudices and language.
It's another article portraying women as unhinged, child-obsessed, liars. This will be greeted by men some men with "See? Told you so. And written by a woman so it must be true."
It's not that she wrote about her own life. It's that her views will now negatively impact on me.
She is a mad as a March Hare and a National Newspaper pays her. She should have her crayons taken away.
Just ask her neighbours how much they love her.
This begs the question: Who gives a toss?
This happened to a friend of mine, she moved in with this man and he kept a pet owl and in the night she had sex with the owl and ended up with a whole load of strange half human half owl hybrid children and he had no idea how it could have happened but in one sense at least they are beaitufl kids
It's all fun and games until the trolls & MRAs start quoting women like Jones, who fly the feminist flag for convenience, and manage to convince innocent bystanders that things like sperm theft (second favourite MRA fantasy after false rape allegations) are actually real. Then it's not just "her personal decision" any longer - it's a contribution to a hateful misogynist narrative that portrays women as both devious and too stupid to be alive, and does real harm to people's lives in family courts & criminal trials.
"@Neuroskeptic Can you exploit someone by paying them loads of money for doing what they love (writing about themselves)? "
Arguably yes, at the point where no-one of sound mind would willingly make themselves look that ridiculous for any amount of money. Where and how you define that point is another matter.
@Neuroskeptic
I'd sort-of assumed you were a fellow neuroscientist from your name. If so, you must have had to deal with ethics for your experiments in the past. You're more likely to exploit somebody into debasing themselves by offering them "loads of money" than by offering them a small amount. That's why there's usually a limit on how much human subjects can be paid for participating in studies.
Imagine the Liz Jones situation as an experiment into "How detestable can we persuade a woman to make herself?". Would it get ethical approval?
The possibility of exploitation is cast into even sharper focus when you consider that Liz Jones has had huge debt problems in the past.
Also: I find it excellent that this has all gone down on the same day that H-L-H has put up her article about sexist abuse online.
Yet again The NS is pathologically obsessed with The Mail.
One woulod have thought that if setting out to steal sperm then a sperm bank would be the logical place?
Should Liz Jones be derided? Frankly my dear I don't give a damn.
What a strange person. Even if it was a troll then it is indicative of a disturbed mind. There are some things you should avoid thinking, but if you can't you should keep them in your head.
Very complex; quite cool.