Nick Clegg on mansion tax, his leadership and that video

"I will not flinch" says the Lib Dem leader

On the Andrew Marr show this morning, Nick Clegg was forced to watch himself make that now-infamous video apology. Explaining his reasons for making the film, he said that he "just wanted to make the apology in a simple and direct way" and that though the "Westminster village [is] always cynical about these things... sometimes the right thing to do is to say sorry". He conceded that some of the parodies were "amusing" but hit out at Ed Balls for never apologising for cosying up to the banks, and Labour for never apologising for taking the country into an "illegal war" in Iraq: "I know what I'm doing is unusual... I'm waiting for some apologies for some pretty big things from the Labour Party."

On the main theme for the Lib Dem conference, "Fairer taxes for hard times", Clegg said it was important to have a debate now about the principles of the economy during a period of "belt-tightening": "you should start at the top and work down not start at the bottom and work up... Let's make sure we do this as fairly as possible." When Andrew Marr asked if he was specifically suggesting a mansion tax, Clegg said: "I believe in a mansion tax... I can't understand how anyone thinks it's ok for an oligarch living in a £3m house in London that you pay the same council tax" as someone living in a smaller house next door.

When asked if he could possibly persuade George Osborne and the Tories to implement such a policy, Clegg said: "I've already persuaded Conservatives to increase capital gains tax, increase stamp duty and clamp down on tax avoidance." The risk, of course, is that Clegg breaks another promise if doesn't deliver. When pinned by Marr on identifying one clear tax increase on the wealthy, Clegg sidestepped naming a specific policy and instead emphasised the measures already in place. However he did state that the Lib Dems "will not accept a new wave of fiscal retrenchment without asking the people at the top to make their contribution."

As for his "much speculated upon" future as party leader, Clegg said, "Yes there are anxieties, there are concerns... but there is extraordinary resilience and unity" within the party. Asked if there was no chance that he would quit as party leader, he said that you could not quit halfway up the mountain, just as the going got difficult. "I'm not going to flinch," he said.

Leader of the Lib Dems, Nick Clegg. Credit: Getty Images
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What David Hockney has to tell us about football

Why the sudden glut of blond footballers? A conversation I had with the artist back in 1966 gave me a clue. . .

In 1966, I went to interview David Hockney at a rather run-down flat in Bayswater, central London. He was 28 and had just won a gold medal at the Royal College of Art.

In his lavatory, I noticed a cut-out photograph from a newspaper of Denis Law scoring a goal. I asked if he was a football fan. He said no, he just liked Denis Law’s thighs.

The sub-editors cut that remark out of the story, to save any gossip or legal problems. In 1966 homosexual activity could still be an offence.

Hockney and a friend had recently been in the United States and had been watching an advert on TV that said “Blondes have more fun”. At two o’clock in the morning, slightly drunk, they both went out, bought some hair dye and became blond. Hockney decided to remain blond from then on, though he has naturally dark hair.

Is it true that blonds have more fun? Lionel Messi presumably thinks so, otherwise why has he greeted this brand-new season with that weird blond hair? We look at his face, his figure, his posture and we know it’s him – then we blink, thinking what the heck, does he realise some joker has been pouring stuff on his head?

He has always been such a staid, old-fashioned-looking lad, never messing around with his hair till now. Neymar, beside him, has gone even blonder, but somehow we expect it of him. He had foony hair even before he left Brazil.

Over here, blonds are popping up all over the shop. Most teams now have a born-again blondie. It must take a fortune for Marouane Fellaini of Man United to brighten up his hair, as he has so much. But it’s already fading. Cheapskate.

Mesut Özil of Arsenal held back, not going the full head, just bits of it, which I suspect is a clue to his wavering, hesitant personality. His colleague Aaron Ramsey has almost the full blond monty. Paul Pogba of Man United has a sort of blond streak, more like a marker pen than a makeover. His colleague Phil Jones has appeared blond, but he seems to have disappeared from the team sheet. Samir Nasri of Man City went startlingly blond, but is on loan to Seville, so we’re not able to enjoy his locks. And Didier Ndong of Sunderland is a striking blond, thanks to gallons of bleach.

Remember the Romanians in the 1998 World Cup? They suddenly appeared blond, every one of them. God, that was brilliant. One of my all-time best World Cup moments, and I was at Wembley in 1966.

So, why do they do it? Well, Hockney was right, in a sense. Not to have more fun – meaning more sex – because top footballers are more than well supplied, but because their normal working lives are on the whole devoid of fun.

They can’t stuff their faces with fast food, drink themselves stupid, stay up all night, take a few silly pills – which is what many of our healthy 25-year-old lads consider a reasonably fun evening. Nor can they spend all their millions on fun hols, such as skiing in the winter, a safari in the spring, or hang-gliding at the weekend. Prem players have to be so boringly sensible these days, or their foreign managers will be screaming at them in their funny foreign accents.

While not on the pitch, or training, which takes up only a few hours a day, the boredom is appalling, endlessly on planes or coaches or in some hotel that could be anywhere.

The only bright spot in the long days is to look in the mirror and think: “Hmm, I wonder what highlights would look like? I’ve done the beard and the tattoos. Now let’s go for blond. Wow, gorgeous.”

They influence each other, being simple souls, so when one dyes his hair, depending on where he is in the macho pecking order, others follow. They put in the day by looking at themselves. Harmless fun. Bless ’em.

But I expect all the faux blonds to have gone by Christmas. Along with Mourinho. I said that to myself the moment he arrived in Manchester, smirking away. Pep will see him off. OK then, let’s say Easter at the latest . . . 

Hunter Davies is a journalist, broadcaster and profilic author perhaps best known for writing about the Beatles. He is an ardent Tottenham fan and writes a regular column on football for the New Statesman.

This article first appeared in the 22 September 2016 issue of the New Statesman, The New Times