Work-shy Clegg? Get real

A play in one act.

By Olly Grender Published 31 January 2011 14:45

Scene: A brightly lit atrium called Portcullis House, part of the Houses of Parliament. Plenty of people chatting, drinking coffee.

Enter stage left; two journalists from the Telegraph are talking to each other.

Journo 1: "Crikey, let's hold that front page. Something really important is happening in government."

Journo 2: "What is it? Is it radical and frightening changes to the NHS?

Journo 1: "Er . . . well . . . yes, that is happening this week, actually, but no, this is much more dramatic."

Journo 2: "Is it the ongoing battle in the House of Lords about changing the voting system and boundaries?"

Journo 1: "Well, yes, again . . . that is happening . . . and you're right again, this week, but no, it is something much more fundamental to the workings of government."

Journo 2: "I give up. What can be so important?"

Journo 1: "Apparently the Deputy Prime Minister, Nick Clegg, has asked all government departments to submit documents that are not urgent by 3pm for his red box. Which gives his office time to follow up with further requests for information."

Journo 2: "Is that really big news? Do other cabinet ministers do that?"

Journo 1: "Well, good question. Yes, other cabinet ministers do that, including the Home Secretary, Theresa May, who has an even earlier deadline."

Journo 2: "Shouldn't we write about her, too?"

Journo 1: "Don't be ridiculous, she's one of Tories in the cabinet: we need to big her up. This is a genius way to get Clegg and his team having to answer ludicrous, lowlife questions about process rather than the policies he is trying to promote. It also gives everyone an excuse to suggest that he is feeling overworked. Even though the memo is nothing to do with that and pretty standard."

Journo 2: "You are bloody brilliant. Those Barclay brothers are going to love you. When's the promotion?"

(According to Olly Grender, with apologies to Hugo Rifkind et al.)

Tags: Nick Clegg

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21 comments

Mon, 2011-01-31 22:47 — Michael Fisher (not verified)

@ang

Reducing government spending (over 5 years) to the level it was under Tony Blair is hardly 'dismantling the state' now is it?

And you rather gave the game away referring to the the 'Tory-led government'... do you work for the Labour party?

Mon, 2011-01-31 22:55 — Mike (not verified)

The media expect politicians to work 12 hour days with no holidays and for half the pay.

When an MP goes on a foreign holiday (like most of us do) they're portrayed as villains for not taking their kids to Great Yarmouth or Blackpool.

When an MP has a hobby other than politics, such as V. Cable's dancing, the media throw around sentences like "why is he dancing when he should be fixing the economy?" as if politicians should never stop working, even on Christmas day.

Then finally, if MPs spend lots of time in their Constituencies, like Gordon Brown does, they're seen as being a waste of money for not showing up in Parliament - but if they spend too much time in Parliament they're seen as neglecting their constituencies!

As a public we now actually look for reasons to hate politicians. Whereas in the past it's taken evidence of wrongdoing to become a villain, these days all politicians are guilty just by being in the profession.

Of course the worst kind of accusation is that Tories go into politics because they hate poor people. I've never voted Tory before, but I have met IDS and Eric Pickles and a few others, and that view is just complete nonsense.

The commentators on the NS and Guardian are filled with so much hatred that they can't even see their own beloved Labour party is rotten to the core with Labour MPs going to prison and getting booted out of parliament for racist lies.

Everyone should just chill out a bit and stop hating MPs so much. How many of you would do the job?

Mon, 2011-01-31 23:33 — raymond392

Hi Mike, I would love to be a politician, I believe politics is a great institution has a noble history and can make a real difference to people's lives. It was seen a vocation just like medicine or being a nurse, you where to be respected and admired and then,

We had The Telegraph ! if it was not for The Telegraph how long would the duck house's, moat's, tennis courts, flipping etc etc have gone on.

It is the politician's themselves who have made the public scathing in their views about politician's of ALL parties.

If the public received some good out of what they legislated on then that was a bonus, but most of the time they and their families where in it for what they could get out of Joe public.

Michael Martin Speaker heading the bunch, defending the indefensible up to his eyes in it using the best lawyers our money could buy to defend the MP'S interest.

It was a lucrative career much better than the ones that they left or they would still be there, or it was a rich man's game to play a little politics and the prestige that came with it and maybe elevated to the House of Lords where they continue to fleece us, the public.

Lord Taylor a classic example not even an MP but elevated to the Lords where he decided that it was not enough to gives us the benefit of his extensive knowledge of the law, he had to rip us off at the same time.

No one is forced to become a MP, they are well paid for the little that they do, with every kind of subsidy known to man from travel to cut price meals in the five restaurants in parliament, to the bars open 24/7, holidays and severance pay that could rival a banker. I would run out of column inches describing their perks.

They only have themselves to blame and need to restore the public faith in them before you can trust them and believe a word that comes out of their mouths, case in point student tuition fee's.

Mon, 2011-01-31 23:47 — hindle-a

Clegg -cynically used tabloid newspapers and "alarm-clock Britain" as a soundbite -hung by his own petard Mike-Tories do not hate the poor -they blame the poor for being poor -IDS-thickness,lack of aspiration,addiction,indebtedness-are the causes in his warped view-trapped in a "generous benefit system" Clegg-it is all the parent's fault-no account of circumstance beyond the victim blaming and a Nanny State rhetoric -given that they have both been Nannied from birth both by fortunate backgrounds and/or State sponsored largesse -ironic to say the least .So convinced that their success has been down to hard work and their own efforts-they blame the poor for not having these attributes-many Carers for example work far harder than they, are equally educated as they,contribute far more to Society than they, are not feckless,addicted or in any way to blame but are poor due to miserly welfare provision for which they and their Caree are daily subjected to hatred far outwith conferred to MPS and that is one reason among many that the oft repeated refrain from long ago is as true know as it was then that the"Tories are lower than vermin" Clegg is a LiberalDemocrat in name only.

Fri, 2011-02-04 10:41 — swatantra

Clegg delivered what no other Lib Dem leader delivered, a place at the top table where decisions are made. But selling your soul comes at a heavy price. Clegg will look back on his days of DPM with a certain nostalgia, but will have carved a name for himself in the annals of political history. Clegg may well be the most hated man in Britain but I wonder who will be having the last laugh.

Tue, 2011-02-01 06:52 — jie4v7i14

He is working a flanker, isn't he, in the polita extreme.

That is, Clegg is taking the piss, and he has for a long time even before matey Cameron and matey LibDem - he is fuck all, really.

Tue, 2011-02-01 06:56 — jie4v7i14

If I was asked if Cleggy had any scrupples, I would ask if he had any bowels, the shit he comes out with.

Tue, 2011-02-01 09:49 — tamster (not verified)

Might have some sympathy with Grender's piece if she wasn't a Lib Dem.

The thing she cannot brush off is the evidence of our own eyes.
We can see Clegg looks puffy eyed and lacking in confidence.
When interviewed he is grumpy, defensive and sees himself as a victim, not the sign of someone on top of things.

Labour and Tory politicians have had untryths, smears and nasty stories written about for years.

But the Lib Dems whinge now they are criticised, held to scrutiny and are treated like other politicians.

Grow up.

Mon, 2011-01-31 15:09 — WIlliam Campbell (not verified)

Yes, I wonder what it is about Nick Clegg that makes people believe such unpleasant things about him?

Tue, 2011-02-01 19:26 — Dave C (not verified)

You have to admire the hacks in some way for turning a journalistic sow's ear into a silk purse.

The story seems to be that routine material not received before three will be dealt with at nine o'clock the following morning.

But hacks do this all the time. I'm pretty sure the Telegraph pilloried some MPs who had the temerity to buy food when working away.

I'm can't see why Olly's getting upset. As Enoch Powell is supposed to have said, "Politicians who complain about the media are like sailors who complain about the sea."

Tue, 2011-02-01 21:19 — kenny jenkins

Sorry, did I miss something? Is there a reason anybody would give a fuck?

Tue, 2011-02-01 22:51 — martybee (not verified)

Oh Yes..Mr Clegg.
Did he actually manage to keep His new year Resolutions?...or did he find out the year is going to be much worse than he expected once it got here.?
I dont suppose we will get to know until Vince has another constituency threesome...Naughty Vince.

Tue, 2011-02-01 23:07 — Bedd Gelert (not verified)

Well, indeed. I mean, how long does 'rubber stamping' Tory policy with 'APPROVED' actually take ?? Certainly there is no need for tedious presenteeism overtime to keep up any appearance of independent thought..

You are too good for all that Olly.

Haven't you thought about cuddling up to that nice Mr Miliband ?? I hear he hasn't yet found a wife either...

Mon, 2011-01-31 15:09 — ang (not verified)

@Olly.
Don't you get it dear, Nick Clegg is a figure of hate, and Journo's love them.
Nick Clegg and his party have given this Tory-led govt a green light to dismantle the state, destroying many peoples' lives.
No doubt you will be voting to ruin, (sorry, reform) the NHS, you just don't care about people, so the people don't care about you. Get real!
My guess is , that the Clegg kids are with child-minders most of the time, it's probably that hour before bed that wears Clegg out.

Mon, 2011-01-31 15:17 — Lou (not verified)

No one doubts he works hard and no one doubts that family plays as much an important role in his life as work, However, this is the man who wanted to be PM, would he still issue such dictates if he was?

Doesn't matter what his deadlines are, I've been waiting ten months for a reply from his office now so clearly any attempt at efficiency on the part of his staff or himself isn't working. No worries though, I'm no longer interested in his opinion and what he has to say.

Regarding having to answer low life questions about process rather than policy, sorry Olly but he's not exactly answering questions on policy either is he. In fact, he issues narrative responses not direct answers to a direct question.

Oh and why did you miss out the bit that he asked for this in order to balance his work/home life? Thousands of fathers up and down the country would love to be able to spend more time with their families but aren't so lucky as Clegg.

Mon, 2011-01-31 15:21 — Lou (not verified)

p.s. unless of course they are on the receiving end of his cuts in which case we'll have plenty of stay at home mums and dads given no choice in the matter whilst Old Nick has the best of both worlds.

Mon, 2011-01-31 16:09 — Alan (not verified)

How upsetting.

The main from the nice background - who is part of a coalition taking a sledgehammer to the state which protects the most vulnerable - getting a bit of stick in the press. The man who will never feel the rough edge of his own work getting a bit of stick in the press.

Boo flippin' hoo.

Mon, 2011-01-31 16:27 — Gerry Tierney (not verified)

I think most of the commentators have missed the point entirely, which is a real shame.

Wed, 2011-02-02 05:57 — jie4v7i14

For six months from May in 2010, Clegg was lying and lying from a bed of feathers - totally smug.

But now, things are different, and does he not like it. Welcome to the sharp end of politics Cleggy, where you actually have to do a bit of sweating.

Mon, 2011-01-31 18:12 — Lou (not verified)

Gerry

We haven't missed the point, Olly is giving it a platform equally as much as anyone else and people air their thoughts on the matter.

I didn't see this 'news' actually kicking all other news off the tv or papers nor being the main topic of discussion in any of the political programmes, in fact, this story made very little headline news unless you read the tabloids in which case, well, what do you expect?