Mad Men: it's back!

Series five, episode one: Megan's dance, Don's soul and what on earth has happened to Harry Crane?

Never before has there been such hysterical excitement about the first episode of the fifth series of a long-running American television show. Televisions were self-immolating from anticipation. But this is Mad Men, and the rules are different, and they made us - the dribbling, adoring, devoted fans - wait for so unbelievably long after a plot twist at the end of the last series that saw Don Draper propose to his secretary. Those of us who care more than is healthy or right about this show have been stewing over this proposal for 18 months. I hope Matthew Wiener knows he is responsible for stomach ulcers across the land.

Anyway, here we are. It happened. And that strange first scene showing a bunch of unknown (to us) ad agency workers water-bombing a civil rights march made us panic - what have they done with the cast? The office? What have they done with Peggy? Luckily, this was not Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce, the beloved agency we left on the brink of collapse, but a rival. And we were soon back in Roger's inner sanctum, a parody-of-sixties-design (must be Jane's doing), watching him pretend to be useful. No one is hopeless as charmingly as Roger.

There, too, were Don and Megan (The Secretary) and, woah, there's Megan giving a sexy dance and singing a French song which sounds like elaborate baby talk at a surprise party for Don in their vast apartment which looks straight out of an overpriced Stoke Newington vintage furniture store. (Line of the episode goes to Lane Pryce describing Don watching his new, young wife cavort in front of the assorted lecherous guests: "I saw his soul leave his body".)

On the lechery point: what has happened to Harry Crane? I always liked Harry - the kind of character who eats in every scene and sweetly bolted from the boardroom in guilty tears after Don's Kodak Carousel presentation, so moved was he by the (ingeniously contrived) depiction of family life after he'd had it off with Pete Campbell's secretary. (Whatever happened to the humourless Hildy? I hope she returns as Duck's improbable mistress when he tries to drunkenly stage a hostile takeover of the company, before being lamped by Don, desperate to make up for that embarrassing empty swing in the last series. One thing Mad Men has taught us: anything is possible.) But now Harry is a horror - even more pervy and bigoted and dumb. He is also universally loathed. But this isn't the Harry we knew and loved. Moral of the story: LA does bad things to people.

And finally - our favourites - Peggy and Pete. I know, Pete isn't the popular choice but there is something so lovable about someone as socially awkward and keen on antique etiquette as Pete Campbell (also: I have been smitten since he and Trudy did That Dance at Roger and Jane's party). If that wasn't enough, the sight of Pete launching a comically furious campaign for a larger office - one, preferably, without a support pillar - is enough to melt the hardest heart. This is what ambition smells like. And Peggy? Still the soul of the piece, of course, plus Megan's boss (intriguing dynamic). When left holding Joan's baby for a brief moment, she looks - poignantly - as though she has been handed a goblin. Joan, meanwhile, is single-handedly carrying the "challenges of working motherhood" storyline - sound the Social Theme klaxon!

Still it was great, wasn't it? It felt like being reunited with dear friends you haven't seen for months. I wanted to note every change in clothing and expression and mood. Such is Weiner's militant attention to detail, you could feel the weight of history in a lampshade. But the best thing was that there were no tricks, no shock revelations - things had moved on exactly as you might have predicted they had moved on, and yet of course you hadn't predicted it quite right, because the glory of this show is that it is as entirely and beautifully unpredictable as an English spring.

Christina Hendricks: Joan in Mad Men. Credit: Getty Images

Sophie Elmhirst is features editor of the New Statesman

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Casting the Brexit movie that is definitely real and will totally happen

Details are yet unclear as to whether The Bad Boys of Brexit will be gracing our screens, or just Farage's vivid imagination.

Hollywood is planning to take on the farcical antics of Nigel Farage et al during the UK referendum, according to rumours (some suspect planted by a starstruck Brexiteer). 

Details are yet unclear as to whether The Bad Boys of Brexit will be gracing our big or small screens, a DVD, or just Farage's vivid imagination, but either way here are our picks for casting the Hollywood adaptation.

Nigel Farage: Jim Carrey

The 2018 return of Alan Partridge as "the voice of hard Brexit" makes Steve Coogan the obvious choice. Yet Carrey's portrayal of the laughable yet pure evil Count Olaf in A Series of Unfortunate Events makes him a serious contender for this role. 

Boris Johnson: Gerard Depardieu

Stick a blonde wig on him and the French acting royalty is almost the spitting image of our own European aristocrat. He has also evidently already mastered the look of pure shock necessary for the final scene of the movie - in which the Leave campaign is victorious.

Arron Banks: Ricky Gervais

Ricky Gervais not only resembles Ukip donor Arron Banks, but has a signature shifty face perfect for the scene where the other Brexiteers ask him what is the actual plan. 

Gerry Gunster: Anthony Lapaglia

The Bad Boys of Brexit will reportedly be told from the perspective of the US strategist turned Brexit referendum expert Gerry Gunster. Thanks to recurring roles in both the comedy stalwart Frasier, and the US crime drama Without a Trace, Anthony Lapaglia is versatile enough to do funny as well as serious, a perfect mix for a story that lurches from tragedy to farce. Also, they have the same cunning eyes.

Douglas Carswell: Mark Gatiss

The resemblance is uncanny.

David Cameron: Andrew Scott

Andrew Scott is widely known for his portrayal of Moriarty in Sherlock, where he indulges in elaborate, but nationally destructive strategy games. The actor also excels in a look of misplaced confidence that David Cameron wore all the way up to the referendum. Not to mention, his forehead is just as shiny. He'll have to drink a lot of Bollinger to gain that Cameron-esque puppy fat though. 

Kate Hoey: Judi Dench

Although this casting would ruin the image of the much beloved national treasure that is Judi Dench, if anyone can pull off being the face of Labour Leave, the incredible actress can.