The ADgenda: Levi's jeans

This week's most offensive advert.

It's often exhausting watching adverts. The constant focus on self-improvement wears you down swiftly until you're left contemplating the futility of making that cup of tea because how will that make you sexier/funnier/skinnier/smarter? It's an age old method and we all know it only too well - make the consumer feel inadequate and they will latch onto any quick-fix solution, no matter how silly.

A new way of life is offered by everything from your hifi to your toilet roll. But with all these new ways of living on offer surely the outcome is a society of severely confused individuals with a bad case of identity crisis? Levi's are here though to force their idea of success upon our tiny minds. By buying a pair of their jeans you're not just presenting your bum in its best light - oh no no - you're buying into a whole way of life. Your world view will change for the better - you'll become more spontaneous, more enigmatic, more self-assured, and far better-looking. You'll freefall off tall buildings just for the hell of it, before prancing in the rain all the while maintaining your dead-eye pout. Because you're wearing a pair of Levi's.

Just like the Beat poets of yesteryear a side-effect from this new way of life may well be a touch of mental instability - you'll say. every. word. very. loudly. and. jerkily. because. you. are. edgy. but. also. starting. to. feel. a. bit. paranoid. and. you. are. wearing. Levi's. So as you prowl the streets muttering a string of words that sound clever but are actually utter gibberish while hastily doing up your shirt because, oops, you're so busy embracing your new outlook that you forgot to dress yourself in a decent manner this morning - congratulations, you've turned into that person. The one who passers-by cross the street to avoid.

Levi's advert. Photograph: Getty Images
Photo: Getty
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Theresa May's "clean Brexit" is hard Brexit with better PR

The Prime Minister's objectives point to the hardest of exits from the European Union. 

Theresa May will outline her approach to Britain’s Brexit deal in a much-hyped speech later today, with a 12-point plan for Brexit.

The headlines: her vow that Britain will not be “half in, half out” and border control will come before our membership of the single market.

And the PM will unveil a new flavour of Brexit: not hard, not soft, but “clean” aka hard but with better PR.

“Britain's clean break from EU” is the i’s splash, “My 12-point plan for Brexit” is the Telegraph’s, “We Will Get Clean Break From EU” cheers the Express, “Theresa’s New Free Britain” roars the Mail, “May: We’ll Go It Alone With CLEAN Brexit” is the Metro’s take. The Guardian goes for the somewhat more subdued “May rules out UK staying in single market” as their splash while the Sun opts for “Great Brexpectations”.

You might, at this point, be grappling with a sense of déjà vu. May’s new approach to the Brexit talks is pretty much what you’d expect from what she’s said since getting the keys to Downing Street, as I wrote back in October. Neither of her stated red lines, on border control or freeing British law from the European Court of Justice, can be met without taking Britain out of the single market aka a hard Brexit in old money.

What is new is the language on the customs union, the only area where May has actually been sparing on detail. The speech will make it clear that after Brexit, Britain will want to strike its own trade deals, which means that either an unlikely exemption will be carved out, or, more likely, that the United Kingdom will be out of the European Union, the single market and the customs union.

(As an aside, another good steer about the customs union can be found in today’s row between Boris Johnson and the other foreign ministers of the EU27. He is under fire for vetoing an EU statement in support of a two-state solution, reputedly to curry favour with Donald Trump. It would be strange if Downing Street was shredding decades of British policy on the Middle East to appease the President-Elect if we weren’t going to leave the customs union in order at the end of it.)

But what really matters isn’t what May says today but what happens around Europe over the next few months. Donald Trump’s attacks on the EU and Nato yesterday will increase the incentive on the part of the EU27 to put securing the political project front-and-centre in the Brexit talks, making a good deal for Britain significantly less likely.

Add that to the unforced errors on the part of the British government, like Amber Rudd’s wheeze to compile lists of foreign workers, and the diplomatic situation is not what you would wish to secure the best Brexit deal, to put it mildly.

Clean Brexit? Nah. It’s going to get messy. 

Stephen Bush is special correspondent at the New Statesman. His daily briefing, Morning Call, provides a quick and essential guide to British politics.