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7 January 2016updated 27 Jul 2021 5:36am

What we learned from the transcripts of Tony Blair and Bill Clinton’s phonecalls

Moose lips sink ships.

By Anoosh Chakelian

Not much has changed in the life of a Labour leader

“Always the Right attack you and the Left don’t defend you.”

This is Tony Blair’s sad summary of the grief he received from the press in the run-up to his election. Plus ça change, eh Jez?

Moose lips sink ships

Blair is less than impressed with Clinton’s rambling about the lavish dinners he’s attended:

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And again…

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It’s lonely at the top

A pretty sad ending to one conversation has Blair admit that he has very little to enjoy in his new life as PM.

…Clinton even offers to babysit

Awww.

Featured filmmaker

Stephen Spielberg gets a cameo role.

Singing to the choir

Clinton thinks Tony Blair has a “choirboy look”. And he really likes Durham.

Fruity distractions

Clinton tells Blair in detail about his banana-eating regime. Blair would rather get on to Kosovo.

And again, during a later call…

“Okay, Bill.”

But soon, he learns to anticipate the banana chat…

Clinton predicts Labour’s Scottish collapse

“You may have some to spare now…”

…if only to make sure there’s a constituency left for him

“Joking apart.”

Blair is “too young and trim” to be naked in Churchill’s bed

Oh, stop it, Bill.

Hillary’s starting to sound like “a real politician”!

This revelation is from April 2000, when Hillary was running for a seat in the Senate:

You can read all the exchanges here.