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18 December 2019updated 09 Jul 2021 7:27am

Yes, Richard Burgon is still on the TV

By Media Mole

The year is 2098. Insects are our main source of protein. An ancient pastime called “flossing” is all the rage. A small tax-haven called England has just declared war on its bigger neighbour Europe. And Richard Burgon is still on the TV.

Someone, somewhere, needs to tell Richard Burgon that he need not put himself through the torture any more. This mole watched his excruciating performance on Politics Live from behind its paws. Burgon took a pasting not just from the Sun‘s political editor Tom Newton Dunn, but also from that most savage voice of the right — the Guardian‘s North of England editor Helen Pidd.

Burgon was shown polls, told anecdotes, given video evidence, but still he had no criticism of Jeremy Corbyn’s election performance. Did the great leader make any mistakes in during the campaign? Answer came there none.

So why did Burgon decide to be excoriated live on TV? Was it some genius piece of Machiavellianism? Was it a triple, maybe a quadruple bluff, that in some way unfathomable to mortal man might benefit his preferred leadership candidate Rebecca Long-Bailey?

“I’m considering running as deputy leader of the Labour party,” said Richard Burgon, with the straightest of straight faces. Ah, gotcha.

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