Forget Build-A-Bear – this is Build-A-Nation. After it was reported the UK is about to concede on a deal which keeps Northern Ireland in “regulatory alignment” with the Republic of Ireland after Brexit, Twitter, the natural platform for geopolitics, came to light.
As a furious Democratic Unionist Party tried to stop the negotiations in their tracks (details are yet to be confirmed), the 21st century’s wannabe Sykes and Picots are poised to break up the UK on increasingly imaginative lines.
It all started off fairly predictably, with harmless politicians like the Mayor of London and the Scottish First Minister…
If one part of UK can retain regulatory alignment with EU and effectively stay in the single market (which is the right solution for Northern Ireland) there is surely no good practical reason why others can’t.
— Nicola Sturgeon (@NicolaSturgeon) December 4, 2017
Huge ramifications for London if Theresa May has conceded that it’s possible for part of the UK to remain within the single market & customs union after Brexit. Londoners overwhelmingly voted to remain in the EU and a similar deal here could protect tens of thousands of jobs.
— Sadiq Khan (@SadiqKhan) December 4, 2017
An independent London? Scotland? Too small. We need to think bigger. Step forward @jrawson.
The areas in YELLOW voted to REMAIN in the European Union so will continue to TRADE FREELY within the EU. There will be a HARD BORDER between the YELLOW and BLUE areas, who voted to LEAVE. The RED LINES represent a SERIES OF ELABORATE ZIPWIRES to transport PEOPLE and GOODS. pic.twitter.com/VS5ylmrXCD
— James (@jrawson) December 4, 2017
This brilliant plan for a new state, let’s call it Zipland, plans to connect all Remain voting areas by zipwire to transport goods and people. Forget the Berlin Wall; the British Wire will form a hard border between Leavers and Remainers whilst giving the Brexiteers the control they so desperately crave. It gets a 10/10 for design – though one onlooker pointed out that it looks rather like the Pixar lamp. Future Zipwireland President Rawson even comes up with a tagline: “Wire we leaving the EU? We’re not!” It might even be worth giving the Brexiteer Boris Johnson a role in government – all for the satisfaction of giving him a push down the zipwire and watching him get stuck somewhere above the Irish Sea.
4. Brexitland (and the UKLSGNI)
United Kingdom of London, Scotland, Gibraltar and Northern Ireland to remain in EU.
Brexitland to leave the EU.
(Parts of Brexitland may vote over time to join the new UK in local referendums, as Overland Territories.)
— David Allen Green (@davidallengreen) December 4, 2017
David Allen Green (very prime ministerial name) is mobilising the masses under the banner of the United Kingdom of London, Scotland, Gibraltar and Northern Ireland. No space for Manchester here – mind you it would give Arsenal a great chance of finally winning a league title. Even with tiny Gibraltar included, he still sticks Northern Ireland at the very end. How cruel. What remained (or left, depending on your point of view) would be labelled “Brexitland”. Hardly inspiring, although it would encompass almost all of England and Wales – surrounding London completely. But David Allen Green (full name, we’re being prime ministerial here) has a problem, as most states do when being formed. There will be a majority Remainer diaspora in places such as Birmingham, Oxford, Manchester and Bristol. Surely they can’t be left behind? Which leads us to…
Martin Belam of the Guardian envisages something similar to 18th century Germany, except instead of princely states you’d have the Remainer Republic of Cambridge.
Was just thinking the most political mischief you could have in the UK right now would be to call a non-binding advisory referendum on whether your nation/city wanted a special NI-style regulatory alignment deal
— Martin Belam (@MartinBelam) December 4, 2017
This is inciting chaos, surely. What next? Non-binding general elections? Lord Buckethead might just win at last.
6. People’s Republic of Wales
We cannot allow different parts of the UK to be more favourably treated than others. If one part of the UK is granted continued participation in the Single Market & Customs Union, then we fully expect to be made the same offer.
— Carwyn Jones (@fmwales) December 4, 2017
Wales voted to Leave the EU. Get back to Brexitland!
7. Game of Thrones
Welcome to the era of brutal Brexit trade-offs. Please the Irish & you upset the Northern Irish & the Scots who want the same deal for them & the Brexiteers. Every decision from now will please one group only to bitterly disappoint another.
— Nick Robinson (@bbcnickrobinson) December 4, 2017
Weren’t we supposed to be bringing the country together?
8. Belfast Plc
Will we see a trend of businesses moving to Northern Ireland? One such pilgrim is ready to lead the charge.
If Northern Ireland remains in the Customs Union and Single Market, maybe I’ll just move my England & Wales registered business to Belfast so I can continue to enjoy this critical business benefit. #Brexit #brexitireland
— Jonathan Phillips (@DigitalJonathan) December 4, 2017
Apparently there’s £1.5bn floating around there…
9. a) A Homeowning Referendumocracy
By all means take my Leave-voting neighbours’ houses out of the single market. But if we’re given special treatment to regions, I want my house in the single market.
— hrtbps (@hrtbps) December 4, 2017
Apparently drawing on the old adage that an Englisman’s home is his castle, this Twitter user proposes that their house remains in the single market, while the Leave-supporting neighbours can stay on the outside. But what about inside the house? Does every room stay in the single market? These are the important questions.
9. b) With important answers
I want my kitchen in the single market, but my downstairs loo free to sign great free trade deals with the rest of the world…
— Olly (@droler) December 4, 2017