Oh, Prime Minister. Is there not a single interview question you can answer without appearing like a quietly malfunctioning robot?
Seemingly not. For on ITV Tonight’s leader interview, Theresa May was asked to recount the naughtiest thing she ever did, and went into overdrive.
Watch it here:
— ITV News (@itvnews) June 6, 2017
“Oh goodness me, erm,” was her first response, algorithm failing. “I, well, I suppose the, uh…” Panic setting in, systems overheating. “Gosh, I – do you know, I’m not quite sure.”
When pushed again to adopt human status, May added: “Well, nobody is ever perfectly behaved are they?” before the shocking revelation: “I mean, you know, I have to confess, when me and my friends sort of used to run through the fields of wheat, the farmers weren’t too pleased about that.”
And there’s the moment the Tories lost the 2017 election. When the nation realised it was being run by a crazed monster who showed a flimsy respect for arable farming during childhood. Disgusting.
And not only that, your mole thinks May has been much naughtier even than that:
- Piloting “go-home vans” to intimidate migrants with the threat of deportation and encourage people to turn on their neighbours.
- Cutting the police force.
- Stoking misplaced concerns about immigration by insisting on an arbitrary, economically illiterate, unachievable target.
- Putting foreign students off applying for university in Britain, depriving us of skills and money, with foolishly harsh visa restrictions.
- Deporting people with vital skills in general, by imposing nonsensical visa rules.
- Committing Britain to financial oblivion for the sake of political posturing over the Brexit deal.
- Calling for the Human Rights Act to be scrapped.
- Tearing families apart with a minimum earning threshold for British citizens who wish for their foreign spouse to live with them in the UK, and pledging to make it even harder.
- Plunging three million people living, working and studying here into uncertainty by refusing to guarantee the rights of EU citizens residing in Britain and treating them as “bargaining chips”.
What a scamp!