Universities challenged

Society needs to have a civilised conversation with
itself about its values. But spending cuts thr

However the coins are counted in the public spending cuts now facing the country, higher education is going to be one of the most affected sectors. Cuts in public subsidy - only partly compensated for by rises in student fees - will change the shape of universities and their purpose accordingly. For example, we can expect to see some, perhaps many, humanities departments being closed as part of the effort to keep science and vocational studies funded, even though these latter, unlike the humanities, will retain some public subsidy because of their importance to the economy.

Add to this how increases in tuition fees will not only fail to compensate fully for the cuts but will act as a brake on student recruitment, too, and the net impending effect will be a shrinkage in higher education, with the greatest shrinkage in the humanities.

Some will say that too many have been going to university anyway, with a concomitant lowering of standards and the introduction of too many "Disneyland degrees". This is true. They will add that many of these students should have gone into practical training, such as was provided by the polytechnics before they were misguidedly changed into universities. This is also true. Yet the ambition to educate more people to a high level, to meet not just the economy's needs but those of a complex society by enriching the lives of its individual members, was always a good one. What we see in the cuts is an abandonment of that ambition in favour of economic imperatives alone.

As change is now inevitable, let us take this opportunity to review the question of what higher education is for. Universities are hybrid entities that, since the adoption of the Humboldtian model of combined teaching-and-research institutions, have served a number of different purposes, many of them extremely important. But at least two kinds of confusion have got in the way of a clear grasp of some of those purposes. One is the mistake of trying to model the academic life of the humanities on that of the sciences. The other is a distorted view of what society stands to gain from advanced study.

First, note that everything that goes by the name of education is a mixture of training and education proper, the latter being the cultivation of intellectual power and sensitivity in conjunction with widened horizons of ideas about life and the world. Training is just what it implies: the acquisition (and practice) of skills and bodies of knowledge pertinent to their exercise.

One can construct a rough grid in which, in the vertical dimension, training progressively yields to education as pupils mature, while in the horizontal dimension, the balance of training over education is greater at the applied-science end of the spectrum, the opposite being the case at the other, literary and philosophical, end.

The key word there, however, is "balance". Engineers and biochemists can benefit from thinking about ethics and politics (they might find themselves working in the oil industry in developing countries where already vulnerable lives might be adversely affected by what they do). In the other direction, literary scholars can benefit from training in logic and the social sciences. Accordingly, at each vertical and horizontal limit of the grid, both training and education are necessary. To fail to explain to someone the point of being trained in a skill is to halve its value, while to invite people to reflect and discuss if they know little and cannot reason is futile.

But are engineers taught ethics? Are students of literature schooled in logic? This is not a question of C P Snow's "two cultures" - the abyss separating science from the humanities - though it goes without saying that this is a vast problem all on its own. It is instead the more modest and fundamental question of the proper mixture of training and education that advanced study should deliver.

One reason why the two sides of universities barely speak to each other is that there is no time for it: degree courses are too short. Three years is not enough for an advanced education; neither does it suffice for professional or scientific training, which mostly requires postgraduate study or post-university professional qualifications. We are now contemplating two-year degrees as a cheap option. Almost all universities elsewhere in Europe (including Scotland) - engaged in the Bologna Process, which makes it possible for students to travel between universities, as they did in medieval times - have courses that last at least four years and see the English model as inadequate.

The second reason is that the humanities have fallen into the ghastly trap of mimicking the sciences in trying to be research disciplines in the same way. Science is fundamentally about research. University science is both about that and about equipping future researchers by ensuring that they have the knowledge and skills to do it. For instance, postgraduate students work in teams in laboratories under the supervision of established scientists and publish their work alongside them. Publishing papers in journals is the principal means of communicating results and, correlatively, is the main measure of career progress for scientists. No emerging scientist would wish to be taught by, or even work with, another scientist who does no research.

Literary theorists and philosophers (I do not include historians in the coming strictures) likewise do research and publish in journals. But the similarity is superficial. Alas, what I am now about to write will be unpopular with colleagues, even though I know that many of them will secretly agree. Most of what is published is inconsequential trivia: jargon-laden, narrow and speaking to a handful of other specialists. The problem is not that it is remote from practical utility - that is not an argument against it - but that it has scarcely any impact on enlarging and enriching the public mind and, too often, scarcely any more impact on the minds of students (save for the relatively few with scholarly or intellectual instincts).

In the humanities, it is not the research published in journals but the teaching and learning of the subjects at an advanced level that are the truly valuable enterprise. These are the things that help deliver to society the enlarged, informed and reflective minds it needs and provide individual students of the humanities with the potential for lives lived accordingly.

I do not mean that literature academics and philosophers should not be thinking and writing - far from it. By their own studies and thought, they have become gatekeepers of magnificent estates, into which they should usher as many people as possible, adding as they do so their own insights and reflections.

In the university setting, they have the opportunity and responsibility to make young minds feel free with the treasures of these estates, to encourage them to help themselves to as much as they can consume. But the tendency to lock the gates behind polysyllabic obscurities in imitation of scientific research is one reason why we have lost sight of the importance to society of a higher education in the humanities.

Society certainly needs engineers, physicists, doctors, computer specialists, biochemists and geologists. But it also needs its lawyers, journalists, politicians, civil servants, writers, artists and teachers - and it needs everyone on both sides of the science-humanities divide to be a thoughtful voter, good neighbour, loving parent, responsible citizen. In short, society needs to have a civilised conversation with itself about its values and about what is to be learned from the experience of mankind. Informed and reflective minds, educated by contact with the great traditions of thought and literature in civilisation, are a priceless asset: and this is what the humanities are about. To diminish this aspect of our social self-education is to do ourselves a great injury.

A C Grayling is professor of philosophy at Birkbeck, University of London. He will be taking part in the opening debate of this year's Inside Out festival at 7.30pm on 25 October at Senate House, Malet Street, London WC1.For more details, visit: insideoutfestival.org.uk/2010

23 comments

chiflatBygiettyPeere's picture

Their classroom teacher, Altus Basson, says he has seen an improvement in results.

ALTUS BASSON: " Children who struggle to focus in class focus a lot better on the laptops."

Nine-year-old Samia Abdul-Kadir says she enjoys the online lessons.

SAMIA ABDUL-KADIR: "It helps me because sometimes when we're doing it in class, I don't hear the teacher very much and I don't understand, but online is better."

Her friend, Abdul-Fadil Badori, agrees.

ABDUL-FADIL BADORI: "Online, you can hear it, it's not shared by everyone, everyone has different topics they're learning."

Tom Hooper started the company that provides the online tutoring -- BrightSpark Education.

TOM HOOPER: "Children today feel very confident online, they feel very engaged, they feel very in control. And that's half the battle with education. Give them control, make them feel confident and enjoy their learning and you'll see them start to improve and embrace it."

Online tutoring costs between twenty and twenty-five dollars an hour. An online tutor is about half the cost of traditional face-to-face coaching.

But some people say an Internet connection is not enough of a connection for teaching and learning. Kevin Courtney is deputy general secretary of Britain's National Union of Teachers.

KEVIN COURTNEY: "We think there's something that's a really important emotional connection between a teacher and a child, whether it's a whole class or whether it's one-to-one. You need that immediacy of feedback, and we're not convinced that can happen across an Internet connection. In one of the wealthiest countries in the world, we think that we can afford to have teachers with the genuine emotional connection there with the children."

BrightSpark Education says the online tutoring is used only as an addition to supplement regular teaching. The company says its service does not represent a threat to teachers' jobs in Britain.

Some parents say they are satisfied with the results. And what about the children?

CHILDREN: "I love it!" "I love it!" "I hate maths!"

So math -- or, as the British call it, maths -- is still not everyone's favorite subject even with the latest technology to teach it.

And that's the VOA Special English Education Report. You can watch a video of the online tutoring by going to 51voa.com. I'm Steve Ember.

___

hogansitoBloreabrili's picture

http://www.hogansitoufficialehogan-it.com/ Blitz della polizia anche nel ritiro della Nazionale: agenti sono andati nel centro sportivo di Coverciano per eseguire una Hogan scarpe perquisizione. Destinatario il difensore azzurro Domenico Criscito. Secondo quanto si apprende, è accusato di associazione a delinquere finalizzata alla frode e alla truffa sportiva nell'ambito dell'indagine Scarpe Hogan cremonese che ha portato a diversi arresti. Gli agenti sono arrivati a Coverciano alle 6.25 e se ne sono andati poco dopo le 09:00. Hanno consegnato a Criscito l'avviso di garanzia quando la nazionale di Prandelli ancora hogan dormiva. Perquisita anche la sua abitazione di Genova nel quartiere Nervi.

hoganscarpeittgexunubynet's picture

http://www.hogansitoufficialehogan-it.com/ ''Il Consiglio - si legge ancora - ha peraltro condiviso le considerazioni del ministro per l'Ambiente Corrado Clini, Hogan scarpeche ha messo in evidenza la responsabilità cronica delle Amministrazioni competenti non in grado di Scarpe Hogan assumere decisioni adeguate e misure efficaci ad assicurare il rispetto delle direttive europee e delle leggi nazionali hogan in materia di gestione dei rifiuti''.

scarpehoganFepweerrara's picture

http://www.hogansitoufficialehogan-it.com/ Duro colpo della Guardia di Finanza del Comando Provinciale Romaall’industria del falso. I militari del Gruppo di Frascati hanno individuato e hogan sequestrato una fabbrica dedita alla produzione di calzature contraffatte della nota griffe Hogan. Il titolare, insieme ai cinque principali distributori, sono stati denunciato alla procura della Repubblica di Velletri. Hogan scarpe Le scarpe erano state distribuite anche a un negozio di un noto centro commerciale della Capitale, ignaro della truffa. Gli altri distributori rispondono invece di frode in Scarpe Hogan commercio.

hoganConeescotsbet's picture

Potranno http://www.hogansitoufficialehogan-it.com/ andare in pensione con le vecchie hogan regole i lavoratori che entro il 4 dicembre 2011 erano già in mobilità e che raggiungono i requisiti entro il periodo di fruizione dell'indennità di mobilità (36 mesi per i lavoratori ultracinquantenni ma 48 per gli over 50 del Sud). Potranno andare coloro che hanno prestazioni a carico dei fondi di Scarpe Hogan solidarietà.Per coloro che hanno avuto l'autorizzazione alla prosecuzione volontaria e almeno un contributo versato al 4 dicembre i requisiti per la pensione con le vecchie regole dovranno essere ottenuti entro il 2013.Ma, secondo il responsabile lavoro e Hogan scarpe welfare dell'Italia dei Valori, Maurizio Zipponi, “Non si può parlare di partita chiusa, aggrappandosi a un dato ancora

haillgoa's picture

There's no secrete to people who stay with the most recent trends popular that "everything old is completely new again". While new designs are displayed every season, almost always there is just a little the "old" in every single piece in the traditional cut http://www.mulberrystylebags.com/ - Mulberry Bags with a classic color combination the actual classics never go out style. This is especially true in the world of designer add-ons for instance handbags. The key factor here is to discover a perfect handbag to enhance or otherwise contrast nicely with every outfit. It is also a well known fact that lots of ladies inside the "know" use Hermes bags or mulberry bags for more classic looks.

When searching for a perfect accessory for, the most recent styles it might be wise to have a look at Hermes bags or mulberry bags, to incorporate that classic touch. Despite the fact that some designs maybe classical the shades can be very all fresh and new. This maybe true if you want to provide a completely new design with a very typically styled outfit. It is almost always don't forget this even when speaking about Hermes bags or Mulberry bags the best combination is met between color and style. While both of these lines proceed and take guess exercise of choosing the very best accessory it's ultimately your decision everything you pair the ultra fashion handbags with, and merely what statement you have to make for the outdoors world.

Keeping the adage that "everything that's old is completely new again" at the rear of your brain might help make every outfit you put onto research in the latest styles in designer. Although its not all old-style will resurface, most styles will probably be recycled sooner or later. The simplest approach to know which styles are "hot" throughout each several weeks will be to take notice fashion websites and trend setting people. Inside the situation of Hermes bags and mulberry bags, they are forever in the peak of favor so there's you don't have to worry that something you would like will probably be outdated whenever you walk in the boutique.

When wanting to produce a statement with Hermes bags or mulberry bags you need to make sure that you simply only purchase the latest items. Using this method it may need longer to enable them to go out style, and you also want to be in the first people to possess the "next large factor". For people that are new inside the fashion game those are the where you can begin your vacation to becoming one of the fashion world's leading ladies.

When yanking together your chosen old design with completely new add-ons, it is almost always crucial that you balance style with color. Once the older style you want most is a lot more from the classic or traditional look, adding a punch of color within your add-ons might make this easy look, or in the top fashion claims of the year. Fashion is ultimately a experience personal style and new ideas, so although it might be serious business to create the very best outfit for every occasion, ultimately the actual test from the field of fashion is when you appear like you will find the planet within your clothes.

Auther Bio

Adding a perfect accessory for instance Hermes bags or mulberry bags will make certain that you simply make heads turn each and every event. These add-ons are frequently situated in the local boutique or at Eurohandbag.

-----------------------------------------------
http://www.mulberrystylebags.com/

KARMA MRA MGTOW's picture

Like all social movements, the Men’s Rights Movement struggles with its
identity at times, and with factions withing its ranks that tend to do more harm than good. Many of us are a little hesitant to take this problem on directly. We have enough problems with divisions and infighting as it is. But the dangers of ignoring these things altogether are probably more significant
than the frictions that ensue from talking about them. And, after all, it seems to be the calling of MRA’s to talk about a lot of things people would rather we didn’t.

First, defining a real MRA is just as hard as defining what a real man is, which obviously means it can’t be done with any authority whatsoever.

Opinions are all we have.

That being said my personal definition of an MRA is very loose, but it isn’t just about being against feminism. A lot of people are against feminism, but you would never know it unless you asked them, and you might not get an honest answer anyway depending on who’s listening. They are the silent and quite useless majority, and they are more hindrance than help because they care more
about social and political approval than speaking up for their values.

The truth, rather my truth, is that if you can leave your values at the door when you walk into a room you never really had them to begin with. MRA’s in my experience are people who have and act on their values in many situations that other people won’t. It is what will eventually make the movement an unstoppable
force for change, and it is what makes the MRA stand out above all others when gender is discussed.

When someone makes an asinine, vacuous statement like “If women were in charge there wouldn’t be any wars,” the MRA is the man or woman that stands up and says, “Excuse me, that’s BS,” and then spouts off a string of names like Margaret Thatcher, Golda Meir, Indira Gandhi and anyone of a number of female
European monarchs. The MRA is the one person that will publicly rip the covers off of someone who is spouting slanted numbers from an imaginary gender wage gap or making the ridiculous claim that domestic violence is mostly a male
thing.

So, in the simplest of terms, an MRA is someone, anyone, who sees the emperor has no clothes and says so out loud.

Marxist-feminist hate mongers were successful in hiding behind a thin façade of equalitarianism for a long time simply because no one wanted to challenge them.

It was MRA’s and MRA’s only that finally blew the whistle on the stinking lot of them and continue to do so whenever the opportunity arises.

Another group of men, part of the social phenomenon we now call MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) are also MRA’s in my opinion. These are men who see through the misandry of modern times and vote with their feet about marriage and about relationships. They won’t trade their dignity for sex, for attention
and approval, and certainly not for a pathetic illusion of love.

So far, all of this is easy enough to talk about. Most MRA’s agree that
feminism is the enemy of decency and justice, that it is nothing more than
female supremacy dressed up as a movement for equality, and we all agree that the MRA’s are the only ones that are actually doing something about it.

It gets a tad stickier, however, when we start talking about what an MRA is
not. This is the discussion that sends fingers pointing from and to within, and that’s seldom pleasant. But, it is an important dialogue because in defining what an MRA is not we create the opportunity to identify and rid ourselves of some pretty heavy baggage.

First, a chivalrist is not an MRA. The guy who thinks his purpose in life is to care for women like they were children, to pay their way, to open all their doors, to rescue them from the harshness of the world, to pamper them and treat them like a princess is no friend to men and boys. He is just a trained seal
balancing a ball on his nose for a piece of fish, and he is a Judas among his brothers. When he is not that, he is generally one of a truly dying breed, a real deal male chauvinist, seeking control in exchange for his niceties; the
“man” that thinks he is paying in advance, that sex is owed him when he slides the plastic to cover dinner and drinks.

Either way, the chivalrist will sell his best friend out over a skirt and a pair of legs. He does this because it is the only identity he knows or can even imagine. He sees himself as good and gallant, but he is actually a white knight with a black heart and bloody hands.

He may call himself a traditionalist or chime on about his family values but he’s really just interested in getting laid and being admired (or obeyed) by women. He has no identity whatsoever without their approval and/or submission, and has much more in common with a feminist than he does with “us” because in
every waking moment he is about and only about giving women whatever they want in exchange for his validation fix. That validation is his drug and he will walk right over our broken, bleeding bodies to get it.

Regrettably, the traditionalist must be approached with some amount of caution as well.

While tips of the hat are well due to men who chose and succeed at traditional marriage, they are the exception – not the rule. The traditionalist who knows
his good fortune will not aspire to obligate other men to that path in life.

They recognize the risks and vulnerabilities of modern marriage and they do not condemn, but rather fully support, men who choose not to go that way. They stand behind men who opt to un-tether themselves from the role of protector and
provider and do not let shaming language about that choice pass between their
lips. They tend to see their own path in life as one of free will, a choice
followed by some measure of good fortune, not of the mandated disposability to which men have been historically yoked.

Troubled families are a concern in this culture, but the men and boys bear the worst of that burden, so it is the otherwise unnoticed men and boys that remain the concern of the MRA; not marriage, not women or girls as a group. This is not an attitude of supremacy or contempt, but a rational response to the
egregious state of imbalance that already exists. By advocating for men and boys, we pursue parity, not hegemony.

The biggest pretender in the Men’s Rights Movement is the neocon. This is the right wing ideologue that asserts whatever Republican hopeful du jour is some sort of de facto MRA, and consequently a friend, despite their well documented track records of selling us out.

In fact, this usurper is more dangerous than the left wing ideologue. We already know the left is owned and operated by feminists; that their thinking is saturated in misandry. And we know that they embrace whatever they are told
to by McKinnon and the rest of that ilk. But that chap from the right, the one who hangs out in the MRA forums and contributes to threads, cheering on the Men’s Rights Movement and weaving in pitches for republican politics as usual is looking only for useful idiots.

In reality he is a cancer growing near our vital organs.

The modern right offers men nothing more than religious fundamentalism,
conscription to traditional marriage and disposable roles for men like that of cannon fodder; all the things that have hindered us from fighting back against feminism in the first place. It still seems clear that elements in the right hold much more actual promise for men than anything on the left, but that promise won’t be realized with blind allegiance and automatic votes.

The right must be brought back on track towards small government,
constitutional ideals, and must become openly and energetically
counter-feminist to be anything but useless to us. We must hold allegedly
conservative leaders to account for participating in travesties like VAWA and the full gamut of feminist governance that they have either supported with their votes, or by omission with their shameful silence. Joe Neocon in the comments section doesn’t care about all that, he just wants to push his Republican candidate. So it is Joe Neocon who should be pushed right out of
the Men’s Rights Movement and into the street where he belongs.

And it means. at least to me, that all politicians of both parties are
considered feminists or sympathizers till proven otherwise.

It must be said, however tactfully, that misogynists are not MRA’s either.

Misogyny is a touchy subject in the MRM. All of us who take public stands with our opinions are used to being called woman haters. It comes with the territory. But there are a scant few real ones in our ranks.

They should be invited to join Joe Neocon in the street, but by MRA’s, not by feminists.

In the end, it seems clear that the MRM doesn’t have a political party (I’d vote for a three-legged chihuahua if it would dump VAWA). We don’t have a religion, or even a sex. We don’t have a nationality or an ethnicity; a universal identity or even national organization that centralizes our leaders.

Heck, we don’t even have leaders.

We are more a scattering of diverse and independent voices, unified by the quest for justice and an unyielding refusal to be silenced. As such, we are generally policed from within, all of us keeping an eye on each other, and keeping the all but ungovernable masses more or less in line for the greater
good.

The few misfits among us won’t stop any of that from happening.

Ref:

http://www.avoiceformen.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezXCR7j_q48

KARMA MRA MGTOW's picture

The "gap" or lack of good men is presented as being due to the greater education of women, but I don't think that's the issue.

More likely the opposite: The greater entitlement of women is due to the brainwashing that is disguised as education at universities today.

But these women are not "educated". As an extreme example, women's studies does NOT promote logical reasoning, critical thinking and a patient, thoughtful attitude towards finding the truth. It promotes the exact opposite and produces know-it-all, indoctrinated bitches who can only parrot the lines their teachers told them. They do NOT think critically about the assertions made in women's studies, they do not question the truth of them and they do not think logically, but instead are used to having their feelings uncritically accepted.

So these women can't think, have no job skills and have their heads full of one-sided half-truths and downright lies. That doesn't sound like a classical education to me.

On the other hand, a man may be intelligent and read quite a bit - and have a logical mind - but he sees the utter bullshit that goes on today in (liberal arts) universities and very intelligently gets a tech or trade certification to make money. And he teaches himself the rest.

But Modern Day Woman looks down on that. She has a picture of the Dream Guy in her head, and woe be it to the guy she "settles for". He will wind up paying for her and catering to her and all the rest, while being subtly or not so subtly insulted by her because he doesn't meet her precise specifications.

KARMA MRA MGTOW's picture

There is an incalculable amount of advice in the world for women on relationships with men. Scarcely an issue of COSMO or any other women’s magazine has been printed that doesn’t contain articles by some woman or another claiming to give you all the “how’s” on the man in your life. How to snag and keep a man, how to get him to pop the question, how to drive him wild with desire, how to catch him in a lie, how to get him to treat you like a queen or how tell if he is cheating.

And it is not just women’s rags, it’s almost everywhere. You can’t even check your email any more without some headline grabbing your eye that is also pitching the now ubiquitous “how to get what you want from a man” advice. Almost all of it written by and for women.

The fact that so many of you are still reading this stuff might point to the idea that whatever you are reading isn‘t doing a lot of good.

Sarcasm aside, I thought I would offer up some self-help magic for the ladies about men, from a man’s point of view.

Let’s call it “How to Tell if He Hates Your F------ Guts”

Catchy, eh?

I know, I’m just a man, and as such not as sympathetic to the need for both constant approval and unconditional tolerance for bullshit that has likely left you batting squat in the man department. But I do know that love, at least as far as emotions go, is more conducive to a healthy romantic life than, say, loathing. And I happen to be an expert on how to prevent that hate monster from eating up your dreams of the future.

I won’t leave you hanging by just pointing at the problem, either. For each sign of infectious hate that I identify, there will be a clear cut plan of action to ensure you will ameliorate the problem and move forward with a more loving relationship. You can trust Dr. Paul to cover all the bases.

Your advantage here, ladies, resides in the fact that men are quite simple. You won’t need to buy a study guide or hire a relationship coach to ferret out the truth about how that hombre in your life feels. You just need to be willing to observe and digest what is right in front of you. Your man isn’t prone to subtlety. He doesn‘t hint at hating, he radiates it if you are just paying attention.

That being said, let’s get to work. Here are the most common signs that your man spits upon the ground on which you walk, and what you can do about it.

Sign number one:

He quits F------ you and/or starts F------ someone else.

If your man isn’t F------ you there is definitely something wrong, and there are only a three possible explanations for it. One, he’s gay and has been hiding it. Two, he has a physical problem that needs medical intervention. Or three, the thought of touching you makes his dick wilt like a boutonnière in a blast furnace.

Since number three is the only one that can possibly apply to you, my solution will be confined to that problem. First, you may need to consider that four hours of bitching is not foreplay. Now, some guys are so sex driven that they will actually F--- you while you’re bitching, but you should also know they’re imagining you’re someone else while they’re doing it. Maybe your younger sister.

There are, however, a lot of other guys that lose the amorous mood by the time you have reached bitch #17 on your much longer list of complaints. To them, there is a big difference between whispering sweet nothings in his ear and yelling “You’re nothing,” at him, from across the room.

What you can do about this is simple, assuming you can’t shut up. Organize! Take a minute or two out of each day to make a list of the things about him that dissatisfy you, and then heap them on him all at once. You will find the list reusable because it will only contain things you have been repeating since three months into the relationship. As he continues to reveal his imperfections you can just add to the list.

Oh, and try to get it all out in 7 minutes or less. Brevity is bliss, in the bedroom and out.

Timing is also important. Give him an hour or so to unwind after coming home from work. Then, after you decide where he is taking you for dinner, you can use the car ride to get in your digs. It is a great place for you to say what needs to be said. He is trapped with you next to him, you can keep the nagging out of the home, and, if you finish your tirade before you get to the restaurant, you can set about taking the evening in a more pleasant direction.

Additionally, you may have to skip a day of berating him here and there. Also, and this is the hard part, you will need to occasionally point out some things he does right. You know, just to make things look balanced.

Sign number two:

He does anything, anything he can, not to come home.

If you met your man at a Sierra Club convention and he suddenly takes an interest in hunting wild hog with a crossbow, 300 days a year, well, that is one of those not so subtle signs I was talking about.

As you have surely heard from some of the women writers, men like to retreat into their caves. Whatever your man likes to do for an outside interest, his favorite spot in his home is something sacred to him. So if he finds all manner of reasons not to be there, then there is a problem. And most likely the problem, at least for him, is you.

Ostensibly, you can just refer to the solutions to problem number one. After all, being present is one of the few hard prerequisites to having sex. If you can modify your behavior enough that it will induce him to walk in the door in the first place, it will solve problem number two and go a long way toward helping problem number one as well.

So, the next time you find yourself wanting to ask your man why he doesn’t want to spend more time at home, first take a quiet moment and ask yourself “Why should he?”

Oh, and answering yourself honestly would be a plus.

And by the way, here is a link to some more support. It’s some more detailed advice on how not to nag. There is some good stuff there, but I encourage you to skip over the parts that of course blame him for everything you do and just focus on being less of a pain in the ass.

Sign number three:

He hauls off and smacks the living shit out of you.

This far from subtle sign that your man hates your F------ guts comes generally one of two places. One, he is an abusive asshole and hates everyone, most of all himself. Or two, you are an abusive asshole and he got one too many rounds of your mouth and snapped.

Now if your situation is the former, and you are really sure of that, then your solution is a better man.

But if your situation is the latter, then your only solution is to be alone. Why? Because you are either physically, verbally or emotionally such a complete ass wipe that anyone around you will eventually turn mean. His main mistake was that he didn’t wise up and dump you before things went too far. He was likely just trying to do the right thing, but with the wrong person. And your treatment of him and of the other men in your life leaves you in a position that self help articles sandwiched between lipstick ads aren’t going to help.

The premise is simple. If you want respect, be respectful. If you want to be treated well, treat him well. If you want love, then give it. The only relationship tools that are worth anything are the ones found in the mirror, and ten thousand issues of COSMO ain’t getting anyone around that.

Ever.

And you should drop the COSMO anyway. Articles on how to get what you want from relationships aren’t what anyone needs. In fact, running around trying to scheme and manipulate ways to get what you want from someone else is the problem. It is the chosen, narrow minded path of the selfish and undeserving.

It’s all about what you have to give, baby, and what you’re willing to. Take it from Dr. Paul.

Ref:

http://www.avoiceformen.com/

A video version, can be found at.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6kc0kjmSiE

I grew up!'s picture

Once again I apologize to all, for the word count in this post but not for it's content.

(Authors note: For the interpretively challenged, this is the disclaimer: This is a some what tongue-in-cheek column that also contains very serious advice. If you are a woman and the opinions expressed here don’t apply to you, then you have no reason, or right, to be offended by them. If you are offended “on behalf of all women,” then stick around. I can do wonders with grandiosity.)

Dear Ladies,

I thought it best to start my column off here at The Spearhead with a personal introduction, and to give you a general overview of how and why grabbing you by the collar and holding a mirror up to your face will lead you to a happier life.

I am Dr. Paul. And I am to self help what Dr. House is to diagnostic medicine. That is to say, I’m a complete jerk, but the jerk you want to call when you’re in real trouble. And if you are a woman in western culture, you are most likely in trouble.

You should know up front that your feelings are about as important to me as your opinions, which is to say that they aren’t important at all. In fact, your feelings and opinions are the problem. By fixing them we can fix you, and everyone goes home happy.

You see, I already know how so many of you feel and where you are in life. I know about your struggles with men, how disappointed and disenchanted you have become. I know you are tired of guys that look great in the beginning but end up hurting and disappointing you.

That’s why you have been watching Oprah and Dr. Phil, and why you read magazines like COSMO for advice on relationships. You’re yearning for answers, and in fact you have probably spent a fair amount of yours or your man’s money chasing after them. Your bookshelves are filled with everything from John Gray to Gloria Steinem and it hasn’t done anything but leave you wondering if there are any good men left in the world at all. You are on an unending quest for an elusive solution, and you don’t see anything promising in sight.

It’s not entirely your fault.

From the time you were born, and I am going to put this in bold italics because it is very, very important, the whole world has been lying to you . And when all you hear is lies, you can only get the net result of where you are right now:

F----- up and clueless as to what to do about it. The only thing you are sure of is that none of your problems are of your own making.

You see, all these lies have convoluted your expectations. Your sense of self-importance has been inflated to the point of psychic mutilation; your sense of responsibility proportionally reduced. It starts in childhood with unicorns and Prince Charming, Daddy’s little princess and sugar and spice. Yes, you are what little girls are made of. And while that as all sweet and gooey, it pretty much screws the pooch when it comes to creating a tenable relationship with a grown man.

Being Daddy’s little princess is a cozy role for a child, but a piss poor ambition for a grown woman. And while the world pinched your cheek and cooed at you in your youth, it should have told you at some point in your life to take the tiara off and grow up.

But the world did just the opposite.

By the time you were a teenager, hormonal boys were telling you whatever they thought you wanted to hear just to get in your pants, or at least cop a feel of your tits. They would tolerate any amount of your smugness and indifference just for a chance to be near you. And with this, they continued to enable you and reinforced the illusion of your flawlessness. It made you feel powerful, important. Obsequious comment by obsequious comment, they helped you perfect the expectation that life would never demand from you humility or fairness. They taught you what your fathers did, that respect was not to be earned, but handed to you, by a man, regardless of your true nature.

And for years you lived with this as a constant, as there was always at least a few guys hanging around trying grovel their way into giving you the high hard one.

You could have a man and toss him away any time you wanted and you knew it. As a result you only gave attention to men who told you what you wanted to hear, and performed for you as expected. And even when you did follow your primal instincts into riding bitch on a Harley with a guy who didn’t spoon feed you bulls---, you made it your mission to mold him, too, into treating you like a princess. Often you succeeded.

And you ate it up like a beggar at a buffet.

Then you got a little older and feminism picked up where fathers and suitors left off. You learned that you were not only a princess with all the entitlements that come with that, but that you were also a victim of history; that all this entitlement that had been lavished on you was really oppression, and that you were owed even more.

And what’s more, you were able to quickly deduce that you could hang on to all those “oppressive” entitlements and take advantage of all the new doors being opened at the same time. All while you were more and more deeply entrenching yourself in the idea that you were not getting everything you deserved; that some man was responsible for it; that some man should fix it.

No wonder you’re so F----- up! Who wouldn’t be?

The world set out to produce an entire generation of personality disordered females and that is exactly what we got. Exceptions notwithstanding.

And so that leaves scores of you now here, in a state of perpetual dissatisfaction and disillusion. Many of you are downing anti-depressants like popcorn at a matinee, spending half your time ripping men, the other half looking for one that will fulfill your insanely unrealistic expectations of what he should be. And then wondering why it isn’t happening.

All the while, your relationship shelf life is ticking away. Your looks are fading and your options are narrowing. But you can’t seem to grasp the notion that it has anything to do with you. That is in part because all the mainstream self help options to which you have availed yourself have only made things worse, fueling the fires of your entitlement and aiding your projective denial. Your gurus and therapists and talk show hosts have only fed you more of the same that ultimately led you back to where you started, minus whatever portion of your earnings you gave up to them.

They are in business counting on the fact that everything I am saying here is true; counting on the fact that you won’t buy anything unless it is what you want to hear. You have been a good customer, which means you have been screwed. And since you can’t blame them or yourself, you just add it to your list of reasons to blame men.

It is a trap you can’t get out of because you have been taught to shun accountability like an AIG executive and point the finger of blame like a snitch in a drug bust.

It is time to grow up. And unless you do, you will never get out of that ditch, whether you know you are in one or not.

It won’t be easy. Growing up at 30 is a bitch; at 40 a nightmare; at 50 a lost cause but for a precious few.

Your ace in the hole is right here, though. I will help whip your mind into shape. It’s a hard job because right now your cranium is just a bucket for a glob of disoriented, infantile mush. The only cure for it is very high doses of the truth on a regular basis.

You won’t like it because I won’t mince words; because I won’t feed you the same poison that has ruined your life. If you want sugar coated, go get a doughnut. COSMO has one on every page, but Dr. Paul doesn’t do junk food.

Most of you will come back here again and again hoping for another column. Why? Well, for different reasons. Some of you will just come back to hate me some more. You are addicted to that sort of thing with men, and those of you the most far gone will only seethe and seethe more at my words.

But others, though you will curse me even in your sleep, will come back to visit me at The Spearhead because I am the first human being in your life to ever shoot totally straight with you. And you will come back because you are, though in terrible shape now, capable of understanding that getting the truth for free is much better than paying money for a pack of lies. And let’s face it, you do free pretty good.

We are on a rebuilding project here, ladies. And relearning. Through this column I will give you the re-education you so desperately need. We will cover communications, intimacy, trust, and friendship. You will learn new concepts, like your man has feelings and desires of his own; new, radical ideas like making your man your emotional pincushion is actually a bad thing. I will teach you that you are not the center of the universe, that you never were; that you were never supposed to be.

You will grow from a child-woman into a paragon of mature partnership material. And it will bring you the happiness that only a grown up can know.

And all you have to do is understand that humility is better for you than hubris and abandoning any notion that you are royalty will free you from a depraved trap.

I know you will thank me later.

And remember, ladies, I am not a real doctor, but I play one on the internet.

Ref: http://www.avoiceformen.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id...

Video can be found at

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zwW4Cvggtcw

Latest tweets